Hi. I’m Krissy. If you want to see the (mostly defunct) kid-friendly blog stuff related to parenting and unschooling and travel, please go to my kid-friendly blog. I should probably try to write there to have a reasonable public face. Maybe. I need to state clearly and plainly that you should not access the rest of this website if you are under 18. This is an adult only space. Please take care of yourself. I’m a grown up talking about grown up stuff with other grown ups.

I am trying to resume blogging. I will not give trigger warnings in an ongoing way. I may discuss rape, incest, bdsm, polyamory, physical violence, death, grief, mental health difficulties including suicidality, and various aspects to being neurodiverse. Oh, I also have kids and talk about them to a limited degree.

I think of my blog as being my free floating unconscious. I sometimes call it the Stream, as in the stream of my subconscious. I am intensely self referential and layered in how I structure my essays. I am often trying to work through many disparate layers of trauma at the same time. I have been writing about abuse, trauma, and my attempt to live an increasingly healthy life as I move through it since I was 18. I am now in my 40’s. I started out a vagabond in California. Now I live in northern Scotland. I was married for 18 years to a truly unusual individual.

I am going to spend the next few years trying to figure out how to move through this world as a widow. I am far from the social network I established in the San Francisco over decades. I need to put down roots and establish a life for myself in Scotland.

People who become integral to my life come up in my writing as I process the impact the relationship is having on me. I do my best to document new warps in the weave so that I can find patterns. I have moved more than 60 times and traveled a great deal on top of that. I have had an unusual life and I am autistic. I need to see the pattern in order to understand what is expected of me. I will try things and fail. I try to be as frank as possible about my mistakes. I am not trying to make myself sound better than I am. I often feel like I cannot be a good role model so I will instead show the full extent of horrible warning I am instead. Please consider yourself warned. There are no heroes in my story. Bad shit happens quite often.

I write because it is one of the ways I can document the scope of my life. I lead a fractured existence. I take very small shards of my personality and life story into most interactions. It’s a hard thing for me. I just lost the greatest Witness I am going to have in this life. My husband is the only adult I’ve ever lived with for longer than 3 years. My friendships span decades but they all have careful limits. I am afraid of how I will manage my behaviour if I do not have a container into which I can pour the fragments of my personality and sort them for myself. I can’t talk to Noah anymore. I’m going to have to talk to me. (I also talk to a therapist.)

I have found, throughout my life, that I don’t get anything out of writing in a private journal. Those words do not create a contract for my behaviour in the same way. I create my own accountability. I do not ask for the input of other people. When I ask “What should I do?” I am asking myself and the universe, not readers. I apologise for that.

No one is ever expected to read any of this. This is entirely an opt-in experience. Read when and if you feel up to it. I am not going to do my writing carefully considering your feelings. You should be responsible for your own end of that. I’m here to worry about my own feelings. I will be self absorbed as fuck.

I know that I am never documenting “the truth”. I am documenting my impressions and feelings. I am always missing far too much information to know what is true. I am trying to figure out what I should do next. Stopping to figure out the truth would take a lot of time and energy I don’t have to give.

I am trying to figure out how to move forward. That is what I am always doing. It is not easy. No one ever promised me an easy life. Time to get on with it.

If you want to talk to me about using my writing in some way, here is my licensing page.