I’m feeling strange today. I’m very tired and that means that I’m more inclined to be emotionally raw. I have several friends that are going through really rough stuff right now and just being near their pain is enough that I’m feeling sad today. I’m sad that my friends hurt. I’m sad that I can’t take away their pain. I feel rather selfish for my exultation over something as banal as school. Life isn’t fair and I’m noticing it today more than I would like. I’m thinking so much about what I hope to accomplish in the next few years and I’m tired enough that I’m feeling overwhelmed and incompetent. Arf.
Monthly Archives: January 2004
Acceptance letter!!!!!
I am an official student at SJSU in the Masters program. It was really sweet of them to give me lots of advance notice. Classes begin on Thursday. ACK!!!!!!! I’m so excited!
Feeling wiggly.
I’ve been in a mood tonight. I really really want to get laid. Somehow pushing Tom to have sex with me just won’t cut it though. I am so tired of having to push for sex. I want to be fucked, not do the fucking. Am I lazy? Or just wired funky? I don’t know. I just know that I’m really craving sex pretty bad.
Hey!
This is what a friend told me last night:
http://img4.photobucket.com/albums/0803/withgusto/d498949a.gif
Hey! What are you trying to say!
These are stupid, but I get a kick out of them.
LAYER ONE
— Name: various and sundry.
— Birthdate: September 10, 1981
— Birthplace: Panarama City, California
— Current Location: Mountain View, CA
— Eye Color: Brown
— Hair Color: Brown
— Height: 5’5 1/2″ — The 1/2″ counts, damnit!
— Righty or Lefty: Right
— Zodiac Sign: Virgo
— Enneagram: Yeah, what?
LAYER TWO
— Your heritage: My family mostly wants to claim the German blood, but I know there is French, Russian, English, Irish, and Scottish in there and then there is that whole line ancestors we don’t talk about, who knows what they are.
— The shoes you wore today: I have on blue fuzzy slippers, but I’m going to put on tennis shoes as soon as stuff comes out of the oven and go to the gym.
— Your weakness: Today my weakness is food. I’m eating all sorts of horrible for me but oh so tasty stuff this week. Thus the gym.
— Your fears: I’m terrified of ants. They freak me out beyond normal coping skills.
— Your perfect pizza: I really like Canadian Bacon and pineapple.
— Goal you’d like to achieve: To figure out what I am doing finally and finish school and actually get a real job.
LAYER THREE
— Your most overused phrase on Yahoo: I begin sentences with “so” too much.
— Your thoughts first waking up: What time is it?
— Your best physical feature: I don’t know. Different people like different things.
— Your bedtime: Anytime between 9:30 and 2 these days.
— Your most missed memory: What an odd question. I don’t know what memeory I miss.
LAYER FOUR
— Pepsi or Coke: Diet Pepsi Twist
— McDonald’s or Burger King: Mcdonald’s. Fabulous stuff.
— Single or group dates: I go out with groups, but not on group dates. I go on lots of one-on-one dates.
— Adidas or Nike: Neither.
— Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I’m not big on tea
— Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
— Cappuccino or coffee: Yick.
LAYER FIVE
— Smoke: No thank you.
— Cuss: I do waaaay too much of it for my career choice.
— Sing: Badly, but I enjoy it anyway.
— Take a shower everyday: Mostly every day, sometimes I will skip a day.
— Have a crush(es): I have a love, I have a something (fling? relationship?), and I’m still looking at options.
— Do you think you’ve been in love: More than once, I’m lucky.
— Want to go to college: I’ve finished my BA, now I need an MA and a credential.
— Want to get married: Yes.
— Believe in yourself: Sometimes.
— Get motion sickness: Nope, spinning is the best thing in the world.
— Think you’re attractive: Some days I think so. Then I look in a mirror.
— Think you’re a health freak: Not at all. I struggle to try and be healthy.
— Get along with your parents: My father is dead and my mother is crazy.
— Like thunderstorms: Sometimes I like them and sometimes I get scared.
— Play an instrument: No musical talent whatsoever.
LAYER SIX: In the past month…
— Drank alcohol: Too much. 🙂
— Smoked: Nope.
— Done a drug: I have prescription meds that I take only as prescribed that basically get me high.
— Had Sex: Yes I have, but not enough.
— Made Out: Does foreplay count?
— Gone on a date: Yes I have.
— Gone to the mall?: Yup.
— Eaten an entire box of Oreos: I’m not big on Oreos
— Eaten sushi: Never have, never want to.
— Gone skating: I went ice skating, it was amusing.
— Made homemade cookies: Several times, a few hours ago in fact.
— Gone skinny dipping: Too cold.
— Dyed your hair: Not in a few years.
— Stolen anything: Not since I was a little kid.
LAYER SEVEN: Ever…
— Played a game that required removal of clothing: Many times
— If so, was it mixed company: Oh yeah. 🙂
— Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Too often lately.
— Been caught “doing something”: I’ve been caught doing all sorts of things. Some worse than others.
— Been called a tease: I tend to follow through.
— Gotten beaten up: Yup.
— Shoplifted: Yes. 🙁
— Changed who you were to fit in: I tried very hard to pretend that I was conservative and it just didn’t work out.
LAYER EIGHT
— Age you hope to be married: Mid-20’s
— Numbers and Names of Children: Somewhere off in the world of never land I like Shannarah Brittney and Delaney Patrick.
— Describe your dream wedding: Oh I’ve had daydreams a plenty about this one. Who knows how it will end up being, if it happens at all.
— How do you want to die: I want to live through my suicidal urges.
— Where you want to go to college: I’ve finished CSU Hayward and now I’m on to SJSU
— What do you want to be when you grow up: Important to people
— What country would you most like to visit: I have to decide between Ireland and Italy for my next European adventure.
LAYER NINE: In a guy/girl…
— Best eye color? I like brown.
— Best hair color? Dark or red.
— Short or long hair: Girls with long hair and boys with short hair.
— Height: I like short girls and medium-tall boys.
— Best weight: I like “average” people to some extra meat. Skinny really isn’t my thing.
— Best articles of clothing: corset. 🙂
— Best first date location: I don’t know.
— Best first kiss locatioion: I like outside, pressed against a tree.
LAYER TEN
— Number of drugs taken illegally: 2
— Number of people I could trust with my life: 2.
— Number of CDs that I own: Close to a hundred?
— Number of piercings: Only the first ear piercings are still around.
— Number of tattoos: None, it hurts.
— Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: A few actually.
— Number of scars on my body: I have a scar on the bottom of my left foot, on my cheek, my eyebrow, my mouth, and several on my arms.
— Number of things in my past that I regret: I regret not pressing charges. How is that for regret?