What makes me happy?

It was suggested that I should do what makes me happy. I would love to! Hm. What should I do then? Different things at different times make me happy. I am happy when I make other people happy, but that isn’t very consistent and I find that I can’t make everyone happy all of the time.

What kind of relationships are making me happy right now? Good grief. Tom is sad that I’m not home waiting for him on the one night out of 15 that he gets home at 9 instead of after 1. I’m sorry. I meet up with someone primarily for sex but the relationship shouldn’t be just about sex. I’m sorry. Some days I feel like I have enough flirtations going that I can’t keep my head on straight, but other days I still feel so very alone. I don’t know how to balance my time yet. What sort of flirtations turn into something more and how does that work out? I was invited to a party and the person doing the inviting wants to invite one person out of couples, but am I a couple at this point? With anyone? I am not doing much with Tom and he wouldn’t go to that party with me anyway. Does anything else count as any sort of couple-ness? I don’t know. Odd as it is, I somehow feel like my general identity is questionable right now because I can’t just say I am ‘so and so’s’ girlfriend. What a horrible thing. Why does part of my identity depend on who I am dating? Why in the world can’t I be content just being me?

I am so torn between wanting more sex and feeling like everything is too complicated already. I don’t know what to do. I really [i]like[/i] the people I have been flirting with. That is why I am choosing to flirt with them. gah. How in the hell does this poly schtuff work?

One thought on “What makes me happy?

  1. lolitasir

    Identity when you are poly-oriented and a poly single (which it sounds like you are) is very tough in a social world that is very couples based. It means that you have to stick to who you are and not fret about fitting into someone else’s box (or dinner table). This can be tough at times but I have always found it works best for me.

    Reply

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