Trying to figure out how to finish this paper and wondering if what I have written so far is any good.

I’m compulsively eating. I have been compulsively eating for like 2 days. What the hell is going on there? I’m going to go for a lovely run tomorrow to make up for not having gym access. I know there has to be a trail of some kind somewhere near me.

I’m occasionally thinking about my love life and it’s… direction? Is there a direction? Hrm. Fun-yes, direction… maybe.

Sometimes I’m pondering my sadness that I block out a whole weekend for Tom and I still don’t get sex. The only time he is motivated is if I manage to come home in the morning after staying out all night on a date and hit his horny period. His horny period is brief and doesn’t usually coincide with mine. He is especially territorial when he thinks I have been out fucking someone else. If I am stupid enough to tell him that actually no… I haven’t slept with someone else recently… he cools off. WTF.

I’m being flabbergasted at how easily I miss the signs of someone being a pervert. I’m really not as slick as I think I am. How in the hell could I have not noticed that George was pervy?! Dude. And he is a top?! Where the hell is my radar? Oy. Not to mention work situations. This is just all annoying.

I’m being excited about playing with Dad at Kinkfest. He is going to singletail me. I wonder how far he will go this time? I usually get short spontaneous scenes with him because he has such a full dance card that he barely squeezes me in. (Such a lovely slut.) This time he actually asked me for a scene and did so in advance! I’m actually incredibly flattered. *bounce* I wonder what other delightful sadists I might be able to cajole into hurting me. Unfortunately most people book so much stuff in advance that they don’t have time for spontaneous scenes and I’m too much of a chicken shit to ask most people for play in advance. I’m hoping though. Somehow, someway… one of these days (and hopefully soon) I will manage to find a sadist who wants to beat the ever loving snot out of me. Really. It will happen. *sigh*

I’m being excited that my house is so close to finished!!! Yay. The inside has less than a week’s worth of work left. We are talking about significantly changing the backyard and we are already making concrete plans for the first weekend in April to get busy on that. Fabulous. I’m tentatively thinking that my party is going to happen Friday, May 14th. It will be a “Yay the house is done!”/”Yay the semester is over!”/”Yay a party!” sort of party. It could be interesting. I’m pondering how different circles of friends would get along. Most of the non-kink friends are at least ‘friendly’ but the DHP’s are still rather tamer than most of my parties… We’ll see.

I’m being sad about feeling damaged/dirty/etc. I am going to get over this feeling, oh yes… I will… I need to get those pesky emotion things under control. So what if I’m mad for a boy who doesn’t want to risk that kind of contact with me. There are people who are ok with the risk who think I’m great. I need to fall for one of them. Heh. I wonder if that will work…

I’m noticing that I use way too many ellipses and paranthesis. Thank god they don’t trail into my academic writing.

I’m also pondering what sort of story I want to write next for my fun class. The last few have been so alternative that I am thinking about writing a children’s story centering around the adventures of Ted in London and Paris. (Ted is one of the teddy bears I sleep with. He goes almost everywhere with me. Although Edmund did get to go on the trip to Boston instead of Ted. Edmund had been feeling left out.) I’m sure he did some sort of super-human feat of coolness and rescued London from invading evil mice or something. Yeah, something like that. And in Paris he poisoned all the chef’s because their cooking obviously had something wrong with it and that is why all those bitchy French chicks don’t gain any weight.

Now it is 3:30 in the morning and I am getting my sorry self back to homework. I swear!