Test running those of you who wanted something dirty. 🙂

A user’s guide

Krissy: You are most of the people I have known in my lifetime.
Kristine: You are a teacher that I have never become close to or I met you in a formal work environment.
Kris: You are my brother. I don’t know for the life of me why he persists in calling me Kris. I am not a Kris.
Lenora: You know me through the scene.
Kiss-Kiss: You are my mother and you are trying to suck up cause you want something.
Krisco: You are my sister. (Think Popeye movie.)
Lena: You met me during a short period when I was in high school.
boot_slut: You know me via IRC.
techiegoth: You have been emailing me for more than 3 years.
stageauntie42: AIM people
Justine: You know about my real journal. 🙂
One: You are my primary partner.

See Jenny, now you know all of my names. 🙂

I never quiz

100 question meme

Since I’m an attention whore, I don’t suppose anyone has any preference for what kind of clothing they would appreciate me wearing at BaGG? 😀

Cause I’ve been downer girl for a few days, I figure I should let ya’ll know that I’m feeling better. I have a pretty good life right now. I have wonderful friends who are willing to be a shoulder for me when I need it. I have a partner who thinks I’m the greatest thing. Thank you all. I love you and appreciate you.

I have HPV. Yup, an STD. It sucks. People get to make their own decisions about how they want to treat me based on knowing that I have it. Some sources of information on HPV can be found at:
http://www.ashastd.org/hpvccrc/index.html
http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/std

From the information I have found, and what I have been told by doctor type people my understanding is that if you have it you have it. Catching a new strain is rare and unlikely. If someone has reason to believe otherwise, please tell me I would appreciate all additional information.

And now the end of our public service announcement.

I hope the ending doesn’t sound too much like “Oh shit I’m rapidly approaching 20 pages and we aren’t supposed to turn in stuff that is more than 15…”

A story with no name

Masturbating truly is one of god’s gifts. Read some good porn (yay Pat Califia) and masturbate for a while and somehow, the ability to write dirty stuff returns. I think getting some sleep helped as well. Lets see if I manage to finish now! 🙂

How do I finish an upbeat, optimistic, happy story when I’m feeling broken. Shit. It is due tomorrow.

I have taunted ya’ll with talk of dirty posts. Hm. I would like to masturbate but with the mood I’m in I don’t think it would result in much. That is about as dirty as I can be tonight.

Sum up your opinion or impression of me in one or two words, leave it as a comment in this posting, and then post this sentence in your own journal.

The dance tonight had a very different vibe than normal. I only missed one or two dances that I wanted to be in, which is very cool. Many of the people I look forward to seeing weren’t there though so I felt sad. I danced with more unfamiliar people than I have in a while.

I came home in a good mood all set to write something sexy and interesting. Then I started talking to someone I am very interested in. He is debating whether it is a good idea to have sex with me or not. He has HPV as well, but a different strain, one that is not cancer producing. The strain I have is cancer producing as evidenced by my surgery last summer. He isn’t sure he wants to take the risk of sleeping with me. Which is totally valid and ok for him. But I really hate my body right now because of it. I’m doing the dance back and forth between hating my body and by extention my entire self and trying to believe that I’m not a bad person just because I have been exposed to a virus that is actually very common.

I’m pretty freakin young to have so much of my life to look forward to loathing my body. I don’t know how to deal with this situation. I want to tell him that it is entirely his decision how comfortable he is with what level of risk. I have actually told him that. Now I feel horrible because he is trying to decide what level of potential contamination he wants. I want to cry and scream and mutilate. An ok but not great evening just went straight into the crapper.

I’ve been posting more stuff friends only. If you think you would like to see my friends only stuff, and you think I would be ok with you seeing it–buzz me somewhere and ask. Some of you might see stuff that bugs you, feel free to ask me to take you out of a filter.

It was suggested that I should do what makes me happy. I would love to! Hm. What should I do then? Different things at different times make me happy. I am happy when I make other people happy, but that isn’t very consistent and I find that I can’t make everyone happy all of the time.

What kind of relationships are making me happy right now? Good grief. Tom is sad that I’m not home waiting for him on the one night out of 15 that he gets home at 9 instead of after 1. I’m sorry. I meet up with someone primarily for sex but the relationship shouldn’t be just about sex. I’m sorry. Some days I feel like I have enough flirtations going that I can’t keep my head on straight, but other days I still feel so very alone. I don’t know how to balance my time yet. What sort of flirtations turn into something more and how does that work out? I was invited to a party and the person doing the inviting wants to invite one person out of couples, but am I a couple at this point? With anyone? I am not doing much with Tom and he wouldn’t go to that party with me anyway. Does anything else count as any sort of couple-ness? I don’t know. Odd as it is, I somehow feel like my general identity is questionable right now because I can’t just say I am ‘so and so’s’ girlfriend. What a horrible thing. Why does part of my identity depend on who I am dating? Why in the world can’t I be content just being me?

I am so torn between wanting more sex and feeling like everything is too complicated already. I don’t know what to do. I really [i]like[/i] the people I have been flirting with. That is why I am choosing to flirt with them. gah. How in the hell does this poly schtuff work?

Number of people on my lj friends list: 25 including one community

…whom I’ve met in person: 22

…whom I’ve met in person more than once: 22

…whose house I’ve been to: 17 (some of them not the house they are currently living in.)

…who have been to my house: 14

…whose full names I know offhand: 15

…whom I’ve known for more than 3 years: 9

…whom I’ve known for more than 5 years: 3

…whom I’ve known for more than 7 years: 3

…whom I’ve known for more than 9 years: 1

…whose journal I consider myself “addicted” to: I read my friends list obsessively. Is that the same thing/

…whom I’ve lived with: 1–although I practically lived with Lauren’s family during high school.

…who I’d do: 11 (now aren’t you wondering who…)

…who I’ve snogged: Hm. www.dictionary.com couldn’t give me a definition for snogged, so I sort of guessed. 12

Kissing is good. Kissing is great. Kissing that leads to me getting violently fucked for a long time is better.

Hey! I want to go up to the city! Want to come? Please please please!!! How much begging will it take? I’m rather good at begging… Want me to prove it to you? Show up at BaGG and I will display my gratitute. How you ask? Well… how do you want me to? 😉

Come on people! You know you want an evening of debauchery with me. I have been endorsed as Fun (with a capital F) that means it will be good times for all! Psssss pass the word around!

*licks*

Notes: This is the next scene in a story I am working on. There are 14-15 pages of stuff before this. I know there are formatting stickies with doing this in lj, but I want to use this time to be productive for school. 🙂 I love my class!

Oh, and I would put this behing cuts because I know it is somewhat long–but I’m only computer literate enough to write my porn online, not literate enough to format it in nifty ways. Please accept my limitations. 🙂

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Th e anniversary finally arrived and the four of sat down to dinner: Bastilla, and apple-baked game hens, and wild rice mixed with veggies, and an alternative steamed veggie type of salad, and pinapple upside down cake. Pineapples/pineapple juice make bodi ly fluids taste better.

I, of course, was walking around smiling like an idiot. I had been a very good girl and not pressured either Dillon or Vincent for weeks with questions about how they thought the situation was going. I was pretty certain that we were all ready to commit to a longer term situation, but there is always the possibility of doubt. I bought out www.candles.com and had the dining room glowing fairly brightly. I wanted the lighting to be diffuse and sexy. I also wanted to be able to s ee my food and not make a total mess of myself. Bastilla is good for being messy.

I dressed up for the evening, albeit in something pretty tame by my standards. Skimpy, tight, black cloth dresses aren’t terribly racy by my standards, but I hoped I wo uldn’t be wearing it long enough to care very much. I allowed my modesty to get the better of me and donned underwear though. I was quite certain I was going to be mocked. I put my hair up in one of my fancy coifs and applied some light make-up. I was hoping that by morning the make-up would be smeared beyond recognition.

Trista was stunning, as she is usually. She likes wearing form fitting white shirts that manage to look almost nude, only better. A very short black suade skirt showed off her del ightful legs. She likes leaving her long hair down. She thinks it is more of enticement for people to pull it that way.

The boys, being boys, wore pants and a button down shirt. I wasn’t really expecting too much more. Although at least one of them could have worn a kilt! Give me some chance for lewd comments! How ridiculous.

After I brought in all the food and sat at the table I couldn’t help wiggling in place. I was so excited! I was almost certain that the boys wouldn’t bother to bring up t he topic till after the meal, but that didn’t make my difficulty with sitting down any easier. Then Dillon decided to be ever so kind to me.

“If you don’t stop twitching I won’t fuck you later.”

I never knew how still it was possible for me to sit. La ughter abounded. At least the laughter was good natured. I am not terribly fond of being laughed at, but when the people are laughing because they love me and appreciate my voracious sex drive… I suppose I can cope. Dinner progressed in a more calm and sedate manner. We got to hear all about the project Trista is finishing for work. She is a research scientist. This means that I smile and nod when she talks about her job. Great honey! I’m so glad things are going well for you!

When all of us had eaten enough to be pleasantly full but not leave us sluggish, I cleaned up the dishes and hid in the kitchen for a few minutes. I was so nervous I was about to cry. I was on the verge of having everything I could ever dream of having. Was it going to work out?

I walked back into the dining room, but they had all left the room. Great, now I have to hunt for them. I’m not sure my nervous stomach is going to take any more of these cat and mouse games! I found them in our play room. We have a sect ion of flooring that is essentially a huge nest. It is large enough for a good 16 people to be fucking and rolling around and touching all at the same time. We have proved it. Lots of beanbags and feather mattresses and big cozy comforters. Not to men tion the large stack of trick towels just to the side. It is important to always have towels handy. Never go anywhere without your towel.

They were all sitting very close to one another talking in low voices. From the doorway I could only catc h snippe ts. “…touch me…” “…for tonight it is ok…” “…she likes…” “…double penetration?” Wow. I almost wanted to interrupt, but then again I almost wanted to turn and run in the other direction. I couldn’t believe what they were saying! Oh wait, I want them to talk this way. When I walked in to join them they all smiled at me in a very friendly sort of way.

“Hello gorgeous girl.”
“Hi! What’s going on?”
“We are just plotting things to do to you.”
“Oh. That sounds nice.”
“I rather thought you might like it.”

They apparently had decided that all four of us were going to have sex together! I honestly hadn’t thought it would happen quite like that. Usually they were all very certain of their personal boundaries with regard to one another. I know it hasn’t been easy for Dillon to go from being my monogamous partner to being one of my primaries. A V-triad was not what he had been looking for. He adapted quite nicely I believe.

I wanted to have the conversation first! How dare they distract me with sex! Fine… if you all really ~have~ to touch me, I suppose I’ll cope. Every filthy, fun, graphic fantasy I have ever had came true. I choose to classify my experience as triple penetration. Go me. The boys even touched one an other in vague ways. Neither of them are bi, but I think they wanted to feel a connection with one another that had never existed before. They were getting ready to commit to spending the next chunk of their lives very much together with one another. T rista is amazingly good at oral sex and I’m sure that Vincent now has some memories that can keep him warm for many a winter to come. It was amazing to me to be kissed and touched by all the people I love. Why did God decide to smile on me and give me t he love o f so many wonderful people?

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This may get more graphic, I’m not sure yet. But break ends in 2 minutes and I shouldn’t work on this with kidlets in the room. 😉 Maybe I’ll post the full story later.ˇp

The other blogging site won’t load and I can’t seem to see comments on lj. Catching up on my net-stalking during this period seems unlikely. Damnit. I have 35 more minutes of break though… Hm. Should I write something dirty?