Wow.

I feel like my head is exploding. I am really in an odd mood this morning. Last night I had a very intense conversation with Noah. It turns out he is a lot more into me than I thought… I have already been surprised by this once I’m not sure why I am surprised again. I’m not entirely sure how to react.

I believe that a big part of why he feels so intensely about me is because this is the first time he has been able to explore bdsm with a heavy emphasis on D/s with a partner. Finding someone to explore the darker parts of your psyche with is incredibly powerful and I think part of what is so stimulating to him is simply that. More than being me, which is apparently working for him in general, I am his first submissive. That is pretty intense. I can certainly understand the emotions. That being said I feel some responsibility to be the more level headed person about the situation. I have more experience with these activities and how incredibly emotional they can be. I’m not in love with him. But if things continue with the intensity that they have had…. I will be. I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. He is climbing inside my head in a way that few people can. I make minor off-hand comments about stuff I like and he remembers and follows through later. And then he steps it up a notch. I am seriously impressed with how well he handles D/s. He is very interested in learning more about pain play and I am looking into taking him to some classes in the next few months. I am fully capable of teaching him almost all the skills I would appreciate him knowing, but I don’t really want to be topping from the bottom that much. I have considered doing a few co-topping scenes and teach him on someone else, but I’m really not comfortable telling him how to hit me while he is hitting me…. That is just way too controlling.

So things are going on with Noah. I’m somewhat overwhelmed there. Ricky is coming home this weekend. I have no idea when/if he is going to want to see me. I think things escalated with Noah partially because I was trying to get over Ricky. I’m not over him. I have missed him like crazy. I have not had a day go by without thinking about him and missing him and wanting him.

I’m a fucking drama queen.

3 thoughts on “Wow.

  1. boxofchaos

    Let’s make a drama queen club! I want a card I can pass out to the boring folks that roll their eyes at me.

    Wanna, wanna ? 😉 Enjoy your adventures doll, else what will we have?

    Reply
  2. japlady

    ditto on that, although there may be some arguments as to whether I fully qualify for it… Can I say have a temperary card till my life stabalizes, cause till it does, I either have to rant or go nuts. And to be honest, I don’t care how many potential boyfriends get lost in the process if it saves me my sanity.

    Reply
  3. japlady

    Incurable

    And if my heart be scarred and burned,
    the safer, I, for all I learned;
    the calmer, I, to see it true
    that ways of love are never new–
    the love that sets you daft and dazed
    is every love that ever blazed;
    The happier, I, to fathom this:
    A kiss is every other kiss.

    The reckless vow, the lovely name,
    when Helen walked, were spoke the same;
    the weighted breast, the grinding woe,
    when Phaon fled, were ever so.

    Oh it is sure as it is sad
    that any lad is every lad,
    and what’s a girl, to dare implore
    her dear be hers forevermore?

    Though he be tried and he be bold,
    and swearing death should he be cold,
    he’ll run the path the others went…

    But you, my sweet, are different.
    — Dorthy Parker

    Reply

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