Although in a much more tightly released filter I will obsessively mull over my relationships. Gah!!!
Anthony is finally fully cognizant of the whole “breaking up” thing and it is ok now. It was rocky. I think we are going to be friends, which makes me incredibly happy. I value him as a person so much, the sex part just wasn’t working for me. I actually think it is a major defect in my wiring that I can’t handle egalitarian sex. Well, handle might be too strong of a term but there it is. It just doesn’t do anything for me to have someone gently stroke my body. Being nice to me in bed just… ugh.
Noah rocks. He really does. He is working up to being a serious sadist and he is naturally incredibly dominant. !!!!!!!!!! It is pretty rare that I find someone who won’t back down when I push. *giggle* *bounce* *swoon* He is really into me and even though I find myself wanting to be the responsible party and keep a little bit of distance… I also don’t want to. [Responsible party in the sense that I am much more experienced with D/s and I am very aware of the intense emotions that come up with a new partner and how engrossing they can be–he has almost no experience with this stuff and is probably being sideswiped by the experience of D/s in general more than just how fabulous I am. Although I would like to believe that I am fabulous as well.] So that is going, and going well! Yay. Although, dude. It has only been 6 weeks. I’m trying so hard to keep this in perspective…
My other 6 week deal (stacking the first dates is so dangerous) is even more complicated in my head. I can’t bring myself to keep proper “distance” and god I love him. Shit. Who the hell am I to think myself experienced or capable of keeping distance. Shit shit shit shit shit shit. I did finally stop being a tweaker and ask him if he is ok with me being overly interested in him or if I should continue to pretend that I am a normal person who isn’t smitten. Heh. It’s ok with him that I’m twitterpated. He is still asking me for dates. Because I like him so much I can’t bring myself to ask him for dates. It is entirely up to him if I get to see him again. This can’t be healthy.
I have no shame about asking Noah for time and trying to work him into my schedule. I think I am less afraid of Noah rejecting me. Rejection sucks.
Tom is Tom. Hm. It kind of sucks that I think of my primary that way. Yeah, he is just sort of there. Life plods along… nothing particularly happens… Heh. We spend time together and it is enjoyable. A few girls are popping up finally that he is paying attention to. I’m coping better than I thought I would. It helps that they are all people that I am already friends with. *phew* I am such a fucking control freak.
These are the boys that are significant in my radar at this point. Of course I flirt like a shameless hussy with a few dozen others. But they are just people that I run into… 🙂