I invite everyone to ask me 3 questions. Any 3 questions. I promise to answer honestly. Caveat: If I believe something is too personal to be answered in public I will either e-mail you or move my answer to a filtered list you are on and anyone else I feel comfortable knowing the answer.
If you ask 3 questions, it is requested that you place the invite for others to ask in your own journal. Thanks.
I asked, so I should put it out there.
1. How many pairs of boots do you own?
2. When did you first start with BDSM play?
3. What is the most romantic, gentle thing Tom has done for you?
Zhaneel
I can’t answer #1 without listing them (cause I have to think about it.)
I have the pair you see as my default picture. I have my big stompy engineer boots. I have a pair of patent, knee high, open front, lace up, platform, stilettoes (Wow, what a description). I have my standard Doc’s. I have 2 pairs of generic brown work appropriate boots. I have a great pair of ankle high black boots with a modest heel. I have a pair of low heeled black lace up boots. I think that is it.
1: 8
2: Depends on how you categorize things. I was smacking around my friends from a very young age, but never seriously and never in any sort of “relationship” sense. I was just highly aggressive and it made people give me my way. I did not ever experiment with allowing someone to hit me or tie me up until I was 18. And that was just the month before my 19th birthday. I got serious that whole year. 🙂
3: Romantic AND gentle. Hm. I think the greatest thing he has done (that he doesn’t do anymore 🙁 ) was stroke my hair to put me to sleep. That is one of my very happiest memories of our entire relationship. He did it every night for a long time. Now he has stopped and I don’t know how to ask him to start again. 🙁
# 3
That’s so melancholy. Tell him how special it is to you and just ask for the resumption. The worst that happens is there’s no change.
Re: # 3
1- Who are you and how did you find my journal? (Not intended with any rude or hostile inflection. I just can’t find any reason to indicate how you found me. 🙂
2- There has been a substantial amount of drama in our relationship in the past year and some. We don’t know how to do anything anymore. I have asked and asked and asked and asked for things. I don’t know how to continue asking without sacrifing my indpendence.
Re: # 3
You’re a friend of a friend. Being incredibly shy and very reserved, I have no on-line journal but like the community of it even though it isn’t *MY* community.
Best of luck to you.
Truth or truth?
Cool, the LJ equivalent of truth or dare!
It’d be more fun if one of the rules is that you get to turn around and ask them questions.
Re: Truth or truth?
If you ask 3 questions, it is requested that you place the invite for others to ask in your own journal. Thanks.
it is one of the rules.
Re: Truth or truth?
One of these days I’ll learn to read. Then there’ll be no stopping me.
Re: Truth or truth?
This made me giggle. I guess you have no questions though.
Re: Truth or truth?
1) I don’t really have time to play this game
2) Most of my questions would probably come off as crass sexual propositions, and those are much better made in person.
Re: Truth or truth?
1: I think that sounded harsher to me than you intended it to sound.
2: That is really funny.
Re: Truth or truth?
What I meant by #1 was that after taking two and a half days off sick, I really need to get to work doing stuff for work. These discussions can be incredibly seductive time wasters and if I started answering people’s questions, I’d spend all afternoon crafting out thoughtful replies and getting nothing in my “must do ” list done.
1. Do you ever dream you’re flying?
2. You’ve mentioned that you don’t enjoy gentle stroking during sex, but you said Tom stroking your hair to put you to sleep is so tender and romantic – how are those arenas different for you?
3. How many friends do you have that you haven’t/won’t have sex with?
1: Yes. Usually around the inside of a huge scarily cavernous building.
2: If you lightly stroke my breast I almost won’t feel it. It doesn’t do anything for me sexually. Ditto for other “erogenous zones.” Stroking my hair is soothing, so it is tender. I actually have a really sensitive head in general so any touching of my head is significant for me. It is romantic for me because he is taking care of me and showing love. Romantic is not always just about leading to sex.
3: Uhm. In general or on LJ? I will answer, but I want clarification first. 🙂
3. Not counting people you’ve never met in person. And the question is really meant as “how many friends do you KEEP that you haven’t/won’t have a sexual relationship with?”
You didn’t really clarify… but I’ll take a wild leap and say that you mean in general.
Well, it depends on how you define sexual. And on many levels it depends on how you define friend as well. I have many many many many people in my life that I have never and will never be sexual with. For my value of sexual. Pretty much anyone I get close to I will hug/kiss on the mouth (sans tongue)/snuggle with/rub them places other than on their genitals… Some people think even that level of contact is somewhat sexual. I don’t actually have sexual relationships with most of my really close friends.
Anna: well, she taunted me recently that she might decide to have sex with me, but I really doubt it. I’m not sure I would even want to because it isn’t something she is into and that doesn’t work for me. So she is (in my estimation) a not-ever-going-to-have-a-sexual-relationship-with person.
Alex: I love him with all my heart. The chemistry doesn’t work for me though. We have played though and probably will play in the future, for a specific value of play. (Namely that neither of comes into contact with the others’ genitals.)
Jennifer: Even if we play I doubt our relationship will ever really be sexual and I have kept her around for a damn long time and I would really like to keep her longer.
Brittney: I have known her since infancy and I am going to continue to have her in my life despite her complete heterosexualness.
Jaime: I love her with all my heart and she won’t touch me. That is very ok with me.
Terran: It won’t ever be sexual.
…… The list is getting long.
There are lots of people in the scene I have been friends with for years that I have never/will never be sexual with.
I think you overrate my dependence on sex honey.
I think you overrate my dependence on sex honey.
No, I’m just trying to integrate the different information you’ve given me in different discussions……in particular I think that question comes out of your comments about “fake” flirting, and your previous suggestions that you’re very physically affectionate with people. (BTW, as of last time I checked you hadn’t really said anything more to me on that subject – I’m still a bit puzzled….) Just putting things together. The other question (2)comes out of trying to understand some of BDSM. I think partly things confuse me a little because I keep “sex” and “romance” in a box very close together.
1) what is the sexiest item you can think of?
2) You like giving gifts. What is the coolest, most perfect gift you’ve given someone?
3) What made you so uncomfortable at the last DHP and how can I help keep it from happening again?
Hmmmmm.
1: I’m not sure. The sexiest item period is so… ambiguous… Although I guess I’m going to be horrible and think of a clothing item. A white, lacey slip. Yummy.
2: Well, I gave Stephen a drum (I can’t remember the name of the type anymore, I am so not a musician) that was so absolutely perfect for him and very very cool.
3: Well, there is never anything you can do to keep me from feeling uncomfortable. It just happens. The truth is I can only remember all of a sudden feeling overwhelmed. I drank a lot, so specifics are… fuzzy… I was being touched a lot all night and it was really great until it wasn’t. I know that something was happening to make a lot of people look at me all at once and that freaks me out. Despite my behavior, I’m not really an exhibitionist. I don’t like being stared at. I don’t like being ignored either. It is such an obnoxious tight-rope to walk.
okay
1) Why did you go after me so forcefully when we first met?
2) When did you get into dancing?
3) How do you dealing with everyone’s feelings in your many relationships?
1: Truthfully I can’t be 100% certain and truthful about what was going through my head 7 years ago. I can tell you what left a permanent impression though. You were/are very very smart. At that time I desperately wanted to fit in with the theatre group and fucking you seemed one way to have a niche. You were by far the most interesting of the guys in that group. You were one of the first guys to be nice to me while thinking of me as easy. You knew really damn fast that you could have me if you wanted me and yet you didn’t instantly turn into an asshole who looked down on me. I think that is the big reason that my crush on you continued after we slept together and it is the reason I looked you up six months later and it is the reason I still remember you so fondly now. You are a really nice guy. That does actually matter. Your brand of cuteness really appeals to me. I wouldn’t describe you as “classically handsome” but you have a great deal of character in you and that is far more appealing to me. (Is this enough ego-stroking for one night?)
2: I got into dancing in December. Wow has it been a busy 5 months.
3: Well uhm… carefully. Maybe not as well as I should be. I tell the Boy extensively what is going on in my life and ask him how he feels about it. He generally doesn’t comment, so I try not to be overly influenced by what is going through my head in the context of what he “might be” feeling. I’m trying really hard to let him have responsibility for owning his own feelings. If he says something is fine–I have to believe him and operate as if it really is fine. Otherwise I’m not making myself happy because I’m always worried about what “might be” hurting him.
I did not handle my first secondary situation well enough. I was confused about how to do things and I didn’t really have a clear picture in my head about what I wanted and so it was impossible for me to ask for what I wanted, so it was impossible for me to get what I wanted. Funny how that works. When I figured out that I needed something different than I was getting it was really really hard for me to be clear and honest and still be direct enough to be understood. I qualified things so much that it just wasn’t apparent what I was trying to say. It wasn’t kind. I suppose it qualifies as another one of those “I’m just a stupid kid who doesn’t know what they are doing” events. Thankfully he doesn’t hate me and I think we are going to still be good friends. I’m really happy to have him in my life.
Mostly I think I am trying to be as honest as I possibly can be. I talk about what is working for me and why. I try to make myself talk about what isn’t working even though I feel bad about bringing anything bad up. When I’m just in a funky mood I don’t say that something is wrong with our interaction, I say I’m in a funky mood and take responsibility for being whacked. It happens. I’m a girl. My moods go up and down with no relation to anything resembling reality. I tell people what I am up for and what I’m not up for. Thank god I am up for a lot. 😉 Although I only have two relationships happening. So it isn’t quite ~that~ complicated.
Wow this got long. But I can make really long comments in my journal. 🙂
Since you decided I needed more original questions…
1) When you play, do you prefer a more submissive role, or “just plain masochism”? Yes, there’s crossover; I suppose part of what I’m asking if you’d be comfortable in a fully D/s relationship, outside of playing. Hrm…this is not a veiled attack on the word “switch”, btw….
2) How do you deal with personal frustration in your life?
3) Who’s your candidate for most overrated “classic” author, say, since about 1850 or so?
1: I am actually very submissive. That is what pushes my buttons. The masochism is appealing to me almost solely in the sense that I am taking something for someone else. If someone wants to be all friendly and sweet and hit me while being considerate… I won’t process the pain and I won’t enjoy it. I am very comfortable in a D/s relationship. I didn’t think it was a veiled attack on being a switch at all. I think of my “switchiness” as being very separate from my submissiveness. The people I switch with are not people I submit to. Being submissive is so much more intense and appealing to me.
2: Not very well. It depends on the kind of frustration actually. I frequently shut down when I feel frustrated. I will retreat from the situation and be very self-destructive. Or I scream at people and cry. I’m just not very good with feeling frustrated.
3: Oh good lord. There are so many!!! Melville isn’t very interesting. I’m not super fond of Dickinson. I think Thackery sucks ass. Three names is probably enough.
First, a bit of intro, since you’re probably wondering what I’m doing here: I’ve seen your comments on some of my friends’ journals, and I’m really impressed by your thoughts and recent choice of actions regarding R, so thought I’d come by and say hi.
So, hi. 🙂
I suppose I should follow the theme of this post and ask you questions, although I’m not sure I can think of three. Here goes:
1. What do you, personally, get out of submission? What are the magic feelings, described as best you can, that it brings up from within that makes it all so fantastic for you?
2. Do you frequent a more public Scene in your area, or do you keep your bdsm activites mostly to your immediate social groups?
3. What is your favorite fabric/material to wear?
I have a number of R’s in my life and I’m not sure which one you are referring to… but thanks anyway! I’m glad that I come across as a decent person.
1: This is a bloody hard question. It varies somewhat based on who I am playing with and what type of activity we are engaging in. I most easily can summarize and say that it is about the brain chemicals going wonky. Yeah, not helpful–I know. In the very most intense of situations I feel completely spacey. Most of the time I am very “in my head,” so when I can get out of my head and into a space where I am just living in the moment instead of worrying about the future it is incredibly intense to me. For me intense submission is where I get to be not in control and trusting. I am normally pretty psycho about being in control at all times. It is very difficult for me to give up being the bitch in charge and let go, when I can it is the most peaceful yet intense feeling I can imagine. Does that help at all?
2: 😀 I frequent the public scene throughout the country, indeed the world. 🙂 I have played in Australia, I have contacts in London, I have been to big national sm conferences in DC, rural Pennsylvania, Denver, and Portland. I am a major loud-mouth in my local scene. I haven’t been getting out as much lately, but I still know a significant portion of any grouping I walk into anywhere in the bay area.
3: Hm… I like wearing satin. It feels good.
1. Yeah, it’s a good answer. I enjoy seeing how other people describe their emotions at that time. I’ve gotten mine narrowed down to a pretty good English description, but, well, it’s different for everybody. Trusting and vulnerability are big, common themes, though.
2. If you ever chance up to my area, let me know. Alternately, at some point I hope to move down to around yours, and I’m sure we’d cross circles sooner or later.
Thanks! 🙂