I didn’t realize until about an hour ago that I am not going to sleep with my love for 4 consecutive nights this week. 🙁 That is a really long time. The first two nights were entirely my fault (I chose to sleep elsewhere) and now he is going out of town. This means that I am sleeping by myself tonight and tomorrow and he won’t be home until very late on Sunday.
I’m not happy about this. It is one of my very lame, yet almost inescapable quirks that I have a fairly serious objection to sleeping alone. I basically don’t sleep. I don’t feel safe when I am alone. I have the most horrible nightmares when I am alone. I have nightmares when there is someone there, but they are really really bad when I am alone. I’m somewhat worried about this. And now I am managing to talk myself into somewhat major anxiety when the possibility of sleep is at least 12 hours away.
I think tonight is a night that I will crack open one of my bottles of wine. Maybe two or three glasses will help me sleep.
Why can’t I handle alone time at night? What part of my psyche am I hiding from? What is going on in the shadows of my brain that scares me so much?
I’ve had a somewhat emotional past 48 hours anyway. I came home this morning feeling all wacky and tense. Now I am about to cry. How can I hide from my feelings today? Must find destraction…
Forgive me if this is a stupid question, but why don’t you invite someone to sleep over with you or ask to sleep with someone tonight?
It isn’t ideal, I mean I prefer Jim, but sometimes just having someone else in the house helps.
I don’t know who to ask.
If I was feeling horny or slutty or whatever I would have no problem asking one of the lovely boys I keep company with if they wanted me for the night. But this isn’t that kind of situation. I get the distinct impression I won’t be up for sex tonight.
I’m not very good at asking for emotional attention. Sexual attention, sure–no problem. Being needy is terrifying to me.
I would bank that any one of those “lovely boys” being happy to keep you company, even if you don’t feel like sex.
You don’t know if you don’t ask.
Porn always helps me. Porn is a great distraction!
If it’s any consolation, I’d rather share a hotel room with you than with him. 🙂
You are, of course, welcome to come to the track with us. If things don’t go wrong with the car, we could head into Chico for the evening on Saturday.
I will let him know that you would prefer a hotel room with me than him. 🙂
I have commited to being someones ride to Gaskell’s and flaking is WAY NOT OK in my world. Thank you for the offer though. I made my plans without taking into consideration that he might make plans that would take him away from just waiting at home for me. Uhm, I think this is part of the reality of poly that I’m going to have to learn to deal with even if it is really really hard and sad.
Sleepovers
Let me get this straight. . . you have friends that you are comfortable sharing your body with, but not your bed? Why don’t you just *ask* one of your friends to come share the night with you? It doesn’t hurt to ask, and if it makes you feel more comfortable you can always tell them beforehand that you are feeling angsty, not horny. If you still feel a little uncomfortable, offer to make/buy breakfast in the morning.
Alternately, get a pet?
I agree with what the others said. Ask. You are more than your sex.
what he said. it may be the cultural stereotype that all boys want is sex, but I seem to know an AWFUL lot of exceptions to that. snuggles are good.
I would like to point out that a major part of why I didn’t want to ask anyone to sleep over is that I was at my mothers house until late and I knew that I was going to be at my mothers until late and it seemed silly to me to ask someone to come over at 12 or 1.
Yes I am more than just sex. No I don’t like asking someone to deal with my angsty shit.
Obviously we need a phrase sorta like “booty call” but more for just cuddling.
“Yeah, I know it’s midnight, but I need somebody to cuddle with. Interested?”
I know, I’m not good at asking for this though.