Lenora is a big slut. She resides in the bay area and is active in the local scene there. She discovered the scene four years ago and dove into the deep end head first. Bondage, along with D/s has always been her primary focus. She is a firm believer in scenes wherein, “Bondage is the point” and is eager to show others that bdsm does not always have to include hitting. She is a member of the Society of Janus and the Portland Leather Alliance. She has co-taught classes on bondage and suspension for Dragons Keep, Society of Janus, and Thunder in the Mountains.

(I would like to point out that I think it is marginally dishonest for me to claim Thunder because my name has never been in the program. However, Tom says that I should put it because I was helping teach the class. Any opinions?)

Number of people on my lj friends list: 84 including four communites

…whom I’ve met in person: 72
…whom I’ve met in person more than once: 69
…whose house I’ve been to: 22 (some of them not the house they are currently living in.)
…who have been to my house: 33
…whose full names I know offhand: 27
…whom I’ve known for more than 3 years: 17
…whom I’ve known for more than 5 years: 4
…whom I’ve known for more than 7 years: 4
…whom I’ve known for more than 9 years: 1
…whose journal I consider myself “addicted” to: I read my friends list obsessively. Is that the same thing?
…whom I’ve lived with: 1–although I practically lived with Lauren’s family during high school.
…who I’d do: 35 (bloody hell I’m a slut.)
…who I’ve snogged: 16

Why can’t I be more vain? I’m trying to write a bio for myself…. I feel like an idiot. I’m looking around for inspiration (aka, who can I copy) and I just don’t seem to be finding the motivation I need. erf. I need more than two sentences, yet I can communicate all I feel I need to in that space! bloody hell.

I have been having a pondering. This time the pondering is about “perfect” and standards for partners. Bear with me as I ramble…

A few years ago I wrote in a post to a local bdsm mailing list talking about how I felt like Tom was trying to push me into a mold to be the partner he wanted. He already owned clothing, shoes, collars… how convenient that they were all my size! It seemed like he had been auditioning people to find someone to fit into his perception of perfect. At the time I wrote fairly extensively about how much that hurt me and I felt devalued because he didn’t love me for my individuality, he wanted just a body to fill his fetish items.

A lot of time has gone by since then though. Do we still own the pairs of shoes he had pre-me? Maybe. I’m not sure. I know we talked about getting rid of them because of how hurt I felt by their very existence. (He passed these shoes through several partners.) But I actually think they are still in a box in a closet somewhere in the house. They stopped being important. I stopped worrying about the “slut of the day collar.” I have been with Tom for 4 years. I have 30+ pairs of shoes, most of which were purchased because he might like them. It makes him smile and it makes him hard for me to wear them–so why not? We have a collection of collars more extensive than any single fetish supplier I have ever seen. Dude, we are really into collars. These days I barely ever wear one. I would be hard pressed to remember the last time I wore a collar. They stopped being significant between us when the M/s went away. Although I have put my foot down about him doing D/s play with other people, he is free to use collars with them, well as long as he uses the collars that pre-date me. He can’t use my collars on anyone else and I would never ever put his collar on someone else. It wouldn’t feel right. So, does this mean I have just “gotten over” feeling upset by his fetishes? Have I *gasp in horror* grown up? Please Lord, say it isn’t so!!!

I have been thinking about this because I spend a lot of time in the car. Berkeley is a bloody long drive on Monday nights! One of the many odd day dreams that has occupied my mind is the concept of a “perfect” partner. Given that I’m trying poly (so far really successfully) I almost feel guilty for trying to imagine “the one,” but hey–I’m human. I have been kind of designing this person in my head using personal ad speak. If I were going to place an ad looking for my perfect partner, what would I ask for? I need someone who can talk. I would like someone who is very handy to have around because I admire that in a person. I want someone who can play and be silly in Disneyland. I want someone who wants to travel with me. I want someone who is really really smart in ways that I am not so that we can share our various areas of expertise and further enrich one another. I need someone who can be Dominant, well… at least in bed. [I’m learning that Dominance elsewhere in my life is not quite as important as I once thought. hm.] I need someone who is patient with me. I need someone who can handle the fact that I wake up in the middle of the night very upset and I need to be coaxed back to sleep sometimes. I need someone who can be my Daddy when I am very upset. I need someone who understands that I like chasing Bright Shiny Things and chasing those things don’t mean that I want to leave or that I won’t come home. I need someone who wants sex! Who wants to initiate sex! Yay sex! (This is a harder requirement than one might think.) I want someone who wants to tie me up! I want someone who wants to beat the snot out of me! (This is a harder requirement than one might think.) I want someone who will dance with me. I want someone who will think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread, oh except when I’m being a dork. But I’m ok then too. I want someone who is confident enough in themself to call me on my shit. I should not be allowed to indulge in my penchance for picking on people. I know I do it, I try not to, I do it anyway sometimes. Someone should love themself enough to stand up to me about it. I will really respect you more for it. I want someone who wants to go to bdsm conferences with me and show off. I want someone who wants to dress me up and have me look pretty. I want…

Hey wait. So far I am describing an amalgamation of Tom and Noah and DA. hm. Maybe I should stick with poly.

Does this mean that I am bad though? That I have ideals that I want people to live up to? Am I being controling? Am I just trying to fit a body into being what I want instead of liking the person for who they are? Or have my ideals come about because of liking the people I have in my life? I’m not sure how marriage and kids will fit into this though. I’m kind of scared to think about it. Deliberate community is a concept I’m thinking about more and more. It is tweaking my neurons. Let me tell you, 5 years ago I would never have believed I would be interested in this crazy hippy shit. oy.

We are going to:

Capitol Drive-in
Capitol Expressway& Snell Avenue, San Jose, CA 95136 (408)2262251

We are seeing:
King Arthur – 9:00 PM
Around the World in 80 Days – 11:35 PM

I think people should join us. *nod* Call me if you want to!

Where do you fall on the liberal – conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla

So I googlism’ed (what a word) my real first name and I’m not sure I like the results.

I just can’t pick only 20. Ya’ll will see why…

1. Go to Googlism http://www.googlism.com/
2. Enter your first name into the search box and Googlism! yourself.
3. Pick the twenty BEST responses, and list them.
4. Bold your favorite of the BEST

I guess I’m a porn star…

http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com/ The entry for July 1st. It started off being about Bill Clinton, and then the comments… uhm… went down hill.

I did it….

I finally put another hole in my body. It’s fun. Yay!!!

I know I have friends who would fall into these gaps…

http://c.barberini.home.att.net/womens_stories.html

Updates

01/22/04. I have interviewed 20 women. The response has been huge and enthusiastic, which is great. I have made contact with women here in the Bay Area and all over the country, ranging in age and background. I have started networking to determine the best publishing route.

01/31/04. I get asked if there are gaps in the distribution of women who are responding. I’m getting women of all ages, so that’s not an issue. The gaps that are emerging include: women of color, and women who didn’t have to fight an early homophobic environment. I will advertise shortly in other venues to get women like this, but feel free to spread the word if you know anyone in these categories.

02/25/04. I have interviewed 60 women. I am still adding women to my list. The question is turning out to be as rich and complex as I had anticipated. I am very much enjoying this project. The gaps that I currently have are: women of color, and women over 65.

06/14/04. I have interviewed 114 women. I still have gaps with women of color and women over 65 (as well as women under 30); I could also use more bisexual women. I am putting together a sample chapter so that I can begin talking with publishers.

You are an SEDF–Sober Emotional Destructive Follower. This makes you an evil genius. You are extremely focused and difficult to distract from your tasks. With luck, you have learned to channel your energies into improving your intellect, rather than destroying the weak and unsuspecting.

Your friends may find you remote and a hard nut to crack. Few of your peers know you very well–even those you have known a long time–because you have expert control of the face you put forth to the world. You prefer to observe, calculate, discern and decide. Your decisions are final, and your desire to be right is impenetrable.

You are not to be messed with. You may explode.