Wow was this weekend amazing. Amazingly good and amazingly bad. Mostly good. Almost entirely good. The bad was so rare (though spectacular) that I have decided to dub this a fan-fucking-tastic weekend. Yay me!

What happened you might ask? Well….

I went to the Italian Faire. What is that? Oh, It’s a Renaissance Faire with a slightly different name. I understand that there was actually some sort of plot and back-story around why it was in Italy, but realistically I didn’t know anything about it and I just did my thing. *smile and nod* I worked my very first faire this weekend! It was both cooler than I thought it would be while living up to every expectation I had for the experience. The drive up sucked monkeys through a straw though.

It took me six and a half hours Coming home took me two. This is a big clue for you readers that it should not have fucking taken so long. *sigh* Ok, I’m getting ahead of myself again. Telling a story chronologically is not a strong suit of mine. And I walked in tonight and Tom handed me a bunch of vodka to “taste.” Yeah. Right. Uhm, so I’m kinda fuzzy anyway. Yeah.

At about 5pm on Friday I decided that I should start thinking about packing for the weekend. I had to be in Sutter’s Creek by 8:30 and I vaguely remembered seeing an email saying it would take two and a half hours from Oakland. I had been planning to drive up Saturday morning. That means it would probably take me three hours-ish… right? Well, I opened up the email and then plugged it into Mapquest. Hey… that will take maybe longer than I thought. Then I started thinking about the fact that I needed to be there by about 8:30. Uhm. Hm. If it will take me three hours or more to drive and I really need to leave a little bit of a time cushion because I almost always get lost the first time I go somewhere…. I would have to leave my house by five o’clock in the morning. WHAT?! I would have to get up by 4:30 in the morning!!! Uhm… no. That sucks ass. I looked at the email again and it said that there was camping on Friday night. Dude. I should go up on Friday… Hey, it will take me like 3 hours to drive… I need to leave immediately! Oh shite. I called my wonderful, delightful, ever-helpful Miss Jenny. She read me her housemate’s packing list and offered to lend me most of the faire stuff I would need! But she was getting ready to go to work… I would have to pick it up in Emeryville. Well, that is a bit out of the way but not too bad so I consented. Ok, I didn’t consent. I begged like crazy. Miss Jenny has been my source of costuming for years and years. Someday I am going to be rich and throw a bunch of money at her for costuming goodness to repay the karma. Anyway. I finally got on my way at seven. Dude, I wasn’t going to get there till ten? That blows!

I got lost on the way to her job. I discovered that I hadn’t actually managed to print directions properly. I had screwed up somehow and gotten directions to city center of Emeryville…. not to where she works. I did however vaguely remember that the store was right on a freeway… hmmm… which one?…. oy. I called 411 and got the number of the store, got the address and used my Thomas Guide map book to figure out where she was and how to get there from where I was. Dad gave me his many years old Thomas Guide map book when he moved up to Washington…. I have been grateful so many times. Anyway, I drove over there and it wasn’t too big of a deal but I was frazzled because I felt like I was already screwing up. *sigh* It took me an hour to get off of the Powell Street exit in Emeryville and up to the roof of the parking garage where Miss Jenny’s car was parked. Dude, you could spit on the parking garage from the freeway. It is right fucking there. This blew so hard. I parked in a handicap spot (There were four empty ones or I wouldn’t have.) and ran somewhat frantically down five flights of stairs and over to the store. I grabbed her keys and ran back up five flights of stairs and moved stuff between cars. I ran back downstairs. I ran back upstairs. *gasp* *pant* *stagger* God I’m glad I dance so that I have a wee bit of stamina… ok! Jump back in the car and off…I…crawl…. It took another thirty minutes to get out of the parking lot. I about cried. I stopped at the Starbuck’s for some loathsome super sweet coffee because I was already tired and I knew I would have trouble making it. The Starbuck’s employee listened to my tale of woe and told me that she would give me my drink for free to help the night turn around in energy. I almost fell down and kissed her feet. It was sweet and kind and a random act of kindness. I really appreciated it.

Off I go! As I was just getting on the freeway I got a phone call from the guild mistress telling me that there was a problem with the directions, but I didn’t really understand what she was saying…. I wrote it down but I was confused and she wanted to get off the phone because she had other calls to make. oy So I drove and drove and drove. And then I got a ticket. I had been kind of enjoying the drive! I was going fast and enjoying the wind and having fun… He nailed me. And he was really pissed off at me. Apparently it took him a long time to catch up to me because I kept passing people… I decided to slow down. And then I got lost. I drove at least fourty miles in the wrong direction. I almost cried when I understood how wrong I was. I turned around and when I got back to a town I asked directions from some chicks who were wandering around the street… bear in mind that it is now midnight I was already two hours later than I had thought I would be. *Sigh* I tried following their directions…. I made it almost there…. then a convenience store clerk got me the rest of the way there. When I pulled into the parking lot the woman I was supposed to be camping with was sitting in a chair at the front gate knitting in the dark. I almost cried out of joy.

She stroked my hair and called me baby and told me that everything was ok now. I was on the verge of sobbing. I was so grateful. We found me a parking spot and got stuff out of my car for the weekend. I saw this icki guy… I know him cause of my Anna. He is the husband of one of her friends. I detest the guy. He got really chummy and tried to touch me in greeting. I was so not in the freakin mood. I about ripped his head off. I told him not to fucking touch me. I went to bed and snuggled with the great lady. I am so grateful that Miss Jenny told me to call her and ask about sharing a tent!!! We giggled for a while and then drifted off. We both woke up way too early. More talking and chumminess ensued.

That was the craptastic part of the weekend. Then much goodness happened. I got to know excellent people. I flirted with many hot people. I consider myself really lucky to have spent time with the people I did. I got to flirt like crazy!!! Hot girls, hot boys… Some highlights of the weekend include (things got fuzzy after a while and the wonderfulness kind of blurred, but some events stick out in memory) when a hot boy shoved me very forcefully against my car and started hurting me. I was uhhhh rather flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe he did it. I was really fucking turned on, but I was flabbergasted. Dude!!! He’s incredibly buff! You wouldn’t know by looking at him… A few minutes after that he threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and another cute boy walloped my backside for a few minutes. I got my cookies… The hot boy who was picking me up had the nerve to comment after this fun, “Think this is enough to get me on her friends-list?” to one of the people watching. I hit the floor laughing hysterically. I had no idea that my friends-list was something to aspire to… Great cuddling all weekend. Several girls allowed me liberties of various natures and I count myself lucky. Thank you ladies. Some boys decided that this was their weekend to hurt a girl and they picked me! Whoo hoo! Yay me! I have these cool bruises up and down my forearms from being pinched.

I got to know people a bit better than I had and I am really looking forward to going to faire again and spending more time dancing and more time flirting! Yay flirting. And since I have had so many freakin requests for a pervy type of class in Davis… a poll…