Noah is very interesting to talk to. He can tell me “what is wrong with me” without offending me. I didn’t know this was possible! Wow. I admire his tact.
I had a great great night. Lots of snuggling and foot massage and general happy attention. I was feeling great. More goodness happened. Like, come out of my skin goodness. *swoon*
Then I was talking with someone this morning and I was told that he had been “warned off” me. This is somewhat ironic seeing as I have been “warned off” him as well. He couldn’t/wouldn’t volunteer who did it and I didn’t really ask because whereas I was burning with curiosity–somehow I didn’t want to know. I have a serious complex around being disliked. I am incredibly paranoid and I will hyperventilate if I allow myself to dwell on the possibility that I am disliked. Ok, it is technically more than just a possibility; it is inevitable. Everyone is disliked by someone. I just don’t really want to know about it. Only I do. I can’t help wanting to know.
So of course I had a long chat with Noah about this. We talked about my social filters and how I present myself. A lot of what he told me was just reiterating many things that I already know. Such as, I don’t come across well upon first impression in a group setting. Yeah, I knew this. I do not however understand quite why it is so. I will be pondering this more cause I want to be a deliberate person and not a slap-dashed one. hrm. I’m not quite sure what to do about negative impressions. I dislike them. *grrrrrrrrrr*
But I’m still in an overall good mood. I had a melty good-time. I get to have great chats with Noah. I’m really tired though. I neeeeeeeeeeeed sleep. Soonish.
I’m not sure how anyone that took the effort to get to know you would dislike you. The way I see if, if someone dislikes me but hasn’t gone to the effort of actually knowing me, then it’s their loss.
I’d omit everything from “but” to “me” in that sentence. 😉
That’s so the sorta thing I’d say. There’s a fine line between self-respect and conceit, and I’ve never been quite sure which side I’m on. *g*
I figure that if somebody doesn’t like me because of something I am genuinely doing wrong, my friends will point it out to me if they haven’t already. If I just rub them the wrong way, or if it’s for stupid reasons, then too bad for them.
*sigh* there’s only so much time in the world though. It does make sense to take the time to get to know the people who give a GOOD first impression over the ones who make a BAD first impression.
…which is in no way a comment about YOU since I haven’t actually met you yet 🙂 (at least as far as I know)
No, that makes sense too. Perhaps I am a bit over idealistic here, but I won’t take an active dislike to someone until I’m given a reason to and that involves getting to know them on some level. Otherwise, people fall into the category of friends, people I don’t know, and the rare individual that I don’t like.
And no, I don’t believe we’ve crossed paths yet, beyond the occasional LJ post.
LJ impressions
The first time I had you pointed out to me, I hadn’t read much of your lj – public or private. You seemed lost in the dance, so my only impression was “cute girl in braids”.
I started reading your posts shortly after that, and you seemed both funny and sweet. Therefore, I took the opportunity to introduce myself to you. *hmm* Probably wasn’t the most orthodox approach, but it worked.
By the time I got around to meeting you again, I was pretty predisposed to like you – and I do. You have a warm heart, an interesting mind and a fun spirit – and that’s just the surface stuff.
I guess what I’m trying to say, in my longwinded way, is that you shouldn’t worry too much about your impressions. If you are a little shy and hard to warm to at first, that just means that only the motivated will get to know what a sweet person you are.
Huh. I definitely got a positive first impression of you.
I think part of it is, I get the impression that you’re a bit like me in terms of being “generically flirty” — flirting regardless of real interest or belief that it’s going to go anywhere. (Like, I’ll flirt with straight boys, if they’ll let me get away with it.) Problem is, some people who are not interested in me find this aggressive (even if I’m not actually interested in them, I’m just doing the generic-flirt thing), and others who are interested in me (but I’m not interested in them) find it confusing. (Also, it sometimes makes it difficult for me to get the people I am interested in to recognize that I’m being more than generically flirty towards them. *g*) Anyways, I like being around people I can flirt with and cuddle, with no pressure for it to go anywhere beyond that; but I wonder if we who are like that may have problems interacting with the ones who are not.
This problem is especially compounded if one has issues with saying “no” or generally communicating to clarify the various confusions that can happen. I used to have both of those, to at least some degree (see: “confrontation, pathological fear of”) but I think I got a lot better around age 23 or so…
Take all of the above with a grain of salt, of course — haven’t known you that long, so I may be entirely mistaken in my impressions. :-/
My first impression of you was mostly good. You were that cute bouncy outspoken girl who came with with Noah. Later that evening something did happen that made me question your judgement a little, but at least on my end the impact was minor.
I’ve been burned a few times by the ‘warned off’ meme. The nice thing though, is that, I’ve found if you give people a chance, they get past it. A few people who were warned off me, and kept their distance have over time gotten to know me despite that, and had their preconcieved notions-warnings challenged, to the point where they eventually came up to me, told me what happenened, and told me they were henceforth ignoring the warning.
Some people will never get past gossip and innuendo. But I’ve found there are enough good people out there who will give you a chance to be you and to judge you based on that alone, not third hand warnings.