It’s over.

31 Replies

Somehow yesterday I hit a wall. I went and saw the movie, “What the Bleep” and one section was talking about how we stay in patterns because we are addicted to the chemicals produced, even when they suck. I’ve stayed with Tom for a lot of reasons, most of them aren’t good.

I hated saying those words to him. I hated having to say them over and over because he didn’t understand what, “I’m breaking up with you” really meant. God I hated having to say it over and over. I cried so much. And he held me. And he told me he loves me. And I love him. How can I walk away? We aren’t right for each other. He asked me why. I told him some of the reasons on my side and I told him that I need to leave him because I’m not right for him and he will never try to find someone who is as long as I’m here. The horrible thing is, that is one of the most compelling reasons for me. I love him. I want him to be happy. In big ways he isn’t happy with me. He is tolerating my poly, but it really doesn’t make him happy. He wants someone with different kinks, and different hobbies, and really a different personality.

I want him to find that person.

I have no idea yet what is going to happen. I don’t know when I’m moving out. I have something potentially on the table, but it would only work if I can stay here till January. That might be asking too much. I don’t know.

I hurt.

31 thoughts on “It’s over.”

miss_mimsy 15/08/2004 at 11:03

Oh honey….

Oh poor sweetie. Dear heavens…when we talked on Monday…

Aww hell, you need anything including crash space, I will do what I can.

Until then, strength m’dear!

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genderfur 15/08/2004 at 11:08

I’d offer you a shoulder, but I think it’s too far away. So I can offer you only intensely practical advice: do not keep sharing a bedroom if you currently are.

Move out as soon as you can. But certainly move into another room until then.

(I have no spare room to offer, but I do have a couch and a lot of distractions….)

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plymouth 15/08/2004 at 11:16

*hugs*. I know how hard that is. I broke up with someone once who I was still in love with and who was still in love with me because our lives needed to go in different directions. It hurts. I hope you can both find happiness.

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imp_of_satan 15/08/2004 at 11:22

Oh my god! I support you in your decision, but it’s always such a blow when friends I’ve known as a couple for so long break up.

I admire your courage to move on. Congratulations, and good luck. Give Tom a hug for me.

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satyrlovesong 15/08/2004 at 11:32

I grok

Sometimes doing the right thing hurts.

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tshuma 15/08/2004 at 11:36

It’s so hard when you love someone and they love you, but you just don’t work together. *hug*

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japlady 15/08/2004 at 11:37

Wow, thats tough. I’ve left someone I was still in love with and it was by far my toughest breakup. If you need any support just ask.

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cyranocyrano 15/08/2004 at 11:44

Wow. That really sucks. But I’m proud of you. If I can help, let me know, because I’m that kind of guy.

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mitrian 15/08/2004 at 11:56

*hugs*

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flotsomnjetsom 15/08/2004 at 12:52

(hug)

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unseelie23 15/08/2004 at 14:03

If there’s anything I can do to help, whether it be hauling stuff in vehicle, a sympathetic ear, or crash space if necessary, just let me know. What you did is both brave and admirable but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t going to hurt. *big hugs*

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1. neverjaunty 15/08/2004 at 19:59
  
  I can’t do crash space, but everything else, what he said. I’m sad for both of you that this had to be.
  
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angelkatharine 15/08/2004 at 14:22

{{hugs}}

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auros 15/08/2004 at 15:04

Oh, ugh. *hugs*

I hope both of you can find what you want and need. You both seem like really decent human beings.

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mistressmatisse 15/08/2004 at 15:13

Oh, wow, I’m really sorry to hear this, sweetie – I’m sorry for the pain you both must be feeling. Max and I care about you both and that won’t change. I hope this goes as well as it possibly can…
MM

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xarnix 15/08/2004 at 15:57

Hugs, of course. But also courage, strength, and a hope that the hard decisions can and should be made.

As always, I wish for the best for all involved.

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blacksheep_lj 15/08/2004 at 16:30

If there’s anything I can do for either of you, please ask. And you are always welcome in my home if you need some space – our guest room is vacant.

I am very proud of you.

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sillymesaysme 15/08/2004 at 19:22

*Huggs*

I’m here if you want to talk, and I’m here if you don’t wanna talk. I’m too far away to offer crash space, unless you really want the commute (in that case just let me know and you’re always welcome). I wish you and he the best. *Huggs*

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tsgeisel 15/08/2004 at 21:18

In life, there are right things and there are easy things. Rarely are they the same things. You have my support in whatever happens and whatever you decide to do.

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flavoroflove 15/08/2004 at 21:58

Good for you for being strong and clear and loving. I have a great deal of respect for you. We are here. *hug*

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angelbob 15/08/2004 at 22:45

You know this already, but…

Whatever I can offer, say the word. When you have more planned, let me know, and when you’re planning more, keep my help in mind.

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veryloki 16/08/2004 at 08:55

You have agonized over this for some time and given it plenty of thought. By talking with Tom, you have now taken the most difficult step of the process.

I hope that your life continues to improve, as it has been for some time now. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.

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cyan_blue 16/08/2004 at 11:33

Many, many, many hugs.

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ailurodragon 16/08/2004 at 12:04

*hug*

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emmett_the_sane 16/08/2004 at 14:13

*hugs*

If you need to talk/rant/scream/cry, please feel free to ring me up, my friend. All that you said sounds very brave, very difficult, very scary, and very necessary.

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ditenebre 16/08/2004 at 15:31

Ah, gee. Where to start? What to say?

Well, actually, there are lots of things I would say to you at this moment, in a not-so-public setting. But here and now, I’ll just say you have my love and support. So does Tom.

One other thing. You and I have some things in common, life history-wise. I don’t speak of them much in public forums for my own reasons, but I’m doing some work on me as a result. And as part of that work, I’ve read a book that I highly recommend to you now.

“Aching for Love: The Sexual Drama of the Adult Child – Healing Strategies for Women” by Mary Ann Klausner & Bobbie Hasselbring, © 1990, Harper & Row, Publishers, SF

Read it, sweetie. As with everything, you have to read and sift and “take what you need and leave the rest”. But I think you’ll find, as I did, there are things in there you and I and others like us need to hear.

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1. Krissy Gibbs Post author17/08/2004 at 17:05
  
  Thank you for the recommendation.
  
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flyinamazon 16/08/2004 at 18:11

I am so sorry hon.

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lolitasir 16/08/2004 at 20:16

Hugs

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ribbin 16/08/2004 at 23:50

Been there. I can’t offer the shoulder and ear of a long-time friend, but I can offer those of someone who knows none of the other people involved.
Save me a waltz at the Plough next week?
Oh, and listen to “Diamonds and Rust.”

-Anselm

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pusifoot 17/08/2004 at 11:03

I am so sorry that you are hurting, and I wish that there was some way that I could make things easier for you.

You have my support and if there is anything I can do, please let me know.

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You just keep going

Do the best you can

It’s over.

31 thoughts on “It’s over.”

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