Me:”If anything were to happen here, would you want it to last a day, a week, or a month?”
Him:…. pause for thought… “A day.”

Well. ok. In theory I really don’t have a problem with casual sex. Heh. Ok, so in practice I don’t have a problem with casual sex. But how casual is too casual for me? To follow up on this situation is to agree to one day. How do I really feel about that? In some ways I’m ok with it, in other ways I’m having a bitch of a time wrapping my head around it. I’m not sure what part of it is so hard for me to process though. It isn’t as if I haven’t had one night stands. Ok, I haven’t had many, but I have done it. Usually though they are truly casual. Pick-ups in a public place that I won’t ever see them again. Someone with whom I have a brief courtship and then it disappears is an entirely new animal for me. If I were a manipulative little shit I could acknowledge that he is trying to get me into bed, that he only particularly wants it to happen once, and then make him wait for a while. That way I could control getting more attention in exchange for giving him his “cookie.”

That’s just not me though. I guess that if there is a clear, stated goal that I will accept it, either agree or disagree with it, and carry it to completion pretty much immidiately. Now I just have to decide if I am really ok with that as a stated goal. I have come to the conclusion that I really like FWB. I feel extremely comfortable with the paradigm. That way there is a connection of some sort, but it doesn’t have to be artificially romantic. I sleep with people because I like them, and it feels kind of harsh to say that I won’t deal with them after I get the one shag. I will, however, totally honor the request for no additional contact. Even if I want it. Even if I just want him for his ability to help educate my musical palate. 🙂

Lots of things have been going through my head lately. On many levels in many ways. I think I am probably going to hit a lot of “experimentation” stuff in the next segment of my life. I haven’t figured out yet how I’m going to handle a lot of it. I haven’t figured out if I’m going to follow through on some of the experimentation I’m pondering. I feel like I am all primed to take Dad up on his offer to chuck my life and run away to Portland to hide and lick my wounds. It wouldn’t be the Mature, Responsible thing to do though. And I’m all about being mature and responsible. Well, if and only if being mature and responsible includes lots of sex for me. Ok, I’m on a roll today already. Mr Hitachi, here I come… (Heh… come…)