I have a pathological attachment to people who matter to me. I hold on to friends for long after they fit with my life. Why in the hell do I still know Brittney? Why do I love Anna so much? Why am I letting so much go now?
It seems as though this year has been about leaving things behind. I have found new people to bond with. The dance community; I’m starting to find burners as well. I haven’t been spending much time with the bdsm crowd. I rarely see my theatre friends. I have somehow reconnected with people I knew in high school though in a peripheral way.
I feel like this has been a year of beginnings and endings. Dancing, bdsm, relationships, friendships….
I don’t know what is going to happen. I’m not feeling dependable or stable. And it hurts.
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I deleted my previous message, fearing it might not be cryptic enough for your taste – but know that my thoughts are with you and that change is not necessarily bad – though it is often hard.
Re: previous deleted
Comments are emailed to me, so I saw it.
Don’t ever worry about being cryptic enough for me. I’m not terribly private. Be blunt. I like it.
Re: previous deleted
Would you believe I’m psychic?
Re: previous deleted
No.
boot_slut@bigrock.com
or boot_slut on YIM
or stageauntie42 on AIM
Re: previous deleted
I am, of a sort, though not in this particular case. YIM it is.
Why are you letting so much go now? Because you’ve changed, and you can only hold onto so much. You’ve discovered new interests, and new social circles, and have discovered that some of what you had in your life wasn’t what you wanted anymore.
The friends you’re not seeing so much of now will still be there, as long as you don’t drive them away. Right now, you’re reconnecting with some of your high school friends; sometime in the future you may reconnect with people you’re losing touch with today.
Stability is sometimes overrated. If you’re stable in a bad place, you’ll stay stuck in that bad place.
*hugs* Can’t speak for anyone else. I know that whenever you choose to connect/reconnect with me, I’ll be happy to hear from you and will value the contact I have with you. Do what you need to/want to, and change/let go/turn another page. Explore your options. Stability is sometimes overrated, as is dependability.
I’m afraid I’m not quite sure what is pathological about being attached to people who matter to you. Not “fitting” in your life is a lot different from being “damaging” in your life. If that was the case, I’d say it was pathological.
Not to go on one of those “when I was your age” rants (insert cane and crotchety old lady voice) – but it’s interesting – I was talking with my moms-in-laws over the weekend and we all were talking about how much change we had in our lives in our early 20’s (22-23ish) and how we were witnessing that in one of GB’s cousins. I think it is a time of a great dealing of wing stretching and repositioning. It’s ultimately a good thing, but it feels very scary. I don’t know if this makes you feel at all better, but I thought it was oddly appropriate.