So I’m being weird about Tom having fun. I’ve been trying to figure out why.
Something that occured to me is that when I left Tom I left practically everything that has been my life for the past four years. Everyone I’m spending time with are people that I haven’t known very long. They are not the people whom I have shared most everything with for a long time. Tom is bringing his new girl into that circle. I don’t know how to stay in it and not feel sad. I don’t even have anyone who would want to join me in that circle. Instead I am trying like mad to forge entirely new support with nothing to build on. It is really hard.
I’m not devaluing any of the new friends I have. You are all good people. But you just haven’t been around that long. Seeing pictures of Tom enjoying a party I have been a part of for years but I wasn’t invited to this year… that hurt. Yes. I had a fun NYE. I’m not claiming I didn’t. But I feel like I’m having fun in someone else’s life. Cause I’m not in my life anymore.
And you, yes you—with the clue by four. Put it down please. I don’t want to feel it.
I know how that goes. It’s hard. It’s like standing on a tiny shoal of ice in the middle of a huge lake, waiting for it to slowly freeze around you so you can trust it to suport you. Eventually, it WILL freeze, but right now, that doesn’t make it any easier to feel safe. It’s a rough spot to be in. good luck.
Every comforting thought I had just sounds trite as I try to phrase, so I’m going to go with the less said the better for now. *bear hug*
No clue-by-four here. You’re hurting and you have reason to. It doesn’t have to be rational.
All I can suggest is that you need to decide what you are and aren’t willing to give up.
I ran away from all the groups I was part of with sarah when I broke up with her, and all the things that were stuff we used to do. I’m still, close to 4 years later, only partway through reclaiming the things I didn’t really want to leave. And that’s even with it being easier for me, since it turned out she’d abandoned everything too.
It turns out sometimes that the things you left are still there waiting for you to get back, sometimes they aren’t, but mostly it seems that people tend to be waiting to let you re-establish contact.
I don’t know the exact situation, but I can guess that you probably weren’t intentionally not invited, just probably went under everyone’s radar due to not having been around much.
Speaking of invites, you didn’t make it to my birthday party yesterday.:( Which you were invited to, but I probably should have reposted a couple days ago cause you probably forgot.
I didn’t make it yesterday because I flopped. Hard. I came home and slept. I was not even remotely concious.
I’m sorry. 🙁 Your’s was not the only party I flaked on in my total exhaustion.
Were those people Tom’s friends before you knew him? (ie: did you “marry in”?)
If you met them together, perhaps you can make custody claims for some of them?
*shifts*in*his*seat*to*keep*the*stick*hidden*under*it*
You came up in conversation tonight and I talked about how nice it has been to spend time with you. Dinna get bratty with me now.
Bratty, hmm… yeah.
Y’know you aren’t the only one who could benefit from a renewed attendance at scene events… Just a thought.
Totally off topic….
but I just saw‘s FNW NYE pics and Oh my stars and garters you look amazing!
Re: Totally off topic….
Seconding that sentiment here. Wowsa. I wanted to pet the picture.
Re: Totally off topic….
I’m not that far away and petting me in person would be more fun.
Re: Totally off topic….
thank you darling
“Everyone I’m spending time with are people that I haven’t known very long.”
Well, not everyone. Some of us have been around a little longer, even in a less obvious way.
For example, I was just reading an email exchange between us from Jan/Feb 2002, when you were thinking about putting together a book of scene reports. So, whatever came of that, anyway?
You still owe me dinner, by the way. I’m not gonna let you slide on that one.