I didn’t rewrite the entire document, so it isn’t v. 2. 🙂

Given how eventful the last nine months have been, I thought I should re-do this. For those of you for whom it is a re-read, there are spots that will seem the same but I did change stuff throughout. (For those of you who are new: I make frequent reference to Bridgett. I got the idea to do this from her. I followed her formatting choices originally and there are still many nods to her throughout. Everyone should go look at her site. www.ropelover.com )

I will start off by quoting Bridgett because I could not say this better: “Due to some recent happenings, and the fact that I am notoriously bad about talking about what I want from sex while in fact having sex, I’ve decided to put together this little cheat-sheet about sex with me. Now, this is far from inclusive, and there are many things I will miss, and some things that I say I don’t like that in the right circumstances I happen to. There are also things that I will say that I love that there are just times and places I’m not interested in them. But consider this a jump-off point. Somewhere to begin. A bit about my body, my sex life, and what I am often looking for in a good shag.” I am going to go into more stuff than just sex, but it is a nice place to start.

My STI’s/Safer sex rules:
To begin any conversation about STI’s first my rules about testing. I get tested every three-four months depending on my ability to be brilliant enough to schedule the exams. (I prefer every three, but I get lazy. Oops.) I will ask many questions about someone’s STI status if I am going to have sex with them. If they have not had an exam within the last six months, why not? “Oh… no sex in three years but you had an STI exam right before you ended your last long-term monogamous relationship?” That still means full barriers. For me, full barriers mean latex (or acceptable alternative if an allergy exists) for oral sex. Partial barriers mean condoms during PiV or PiA. I am ok with the risk factor involved with partial barriers if someone has had an STI panel done within the last three months (if sexually active) or within the last six months if someone has either a) not had a partner at all or b) has not had a new partner within the last year. I feel that risk is acceptable. Don’t even ask about penetrative sex without a condom.

I am a big proponent of the idea that we are having “safer” sex. The only safe sex is with your hand. There is risk involved in the play I do and I acknowledge it and try to minimize it. I do not have a desire to play with people who are in denial about said risk.

I believe that digital sex (hand jobs) are fine in either direction if there are no cuts or abrasions on the hand. If I stop you during petting through clothing and look at your hand, that is probably why. I surreptitiously look at peoples hands all the time, so you may not notice me doing it.

I have HPV. I am very very very upfront with this information. I am happy to provide you with access to information. You are an adult and you make your own decisions based on how much of a risk you are willing to take. Given the prevalence of HPV I think it isn’t that big of a deal, but I don’t have to live in your body for the next umpteen years and you do. I never want someone to regret having been intimate with me and I will defer to the stricter preference for barriers. I have tested clean for a year and a half now. But the virus is still there.

Blowjobs:
I like giving blowjobs. A lot a lot a lot. I like them the most if there is some degree of being “forced” involved. I’m not talking about serious forcing, but pushing my head down on your cock is going to get me all wet. Telling me to suck your cock will get me all wet. Asking me politely if I would mind will probably cause me to lose interest in giving you oral sex. If I do it at all it will be a lackluster job and I dislike performing poorly. OH! These suggestions apply to people I have already had sex with. If I have not had sex with you, you bloody well need to ask. For those of you who have already had sex with me, guiding my head down slowly is giving me plenty of time to say, “Not today.”

For the record: if I have given you a blow job I consider you one of my sexual partners. None of this “oral sex doesn’t count as sex” crap. Don’t bloody ever tell me that we haven’t really had sex. You have fucked my body and probably (hopefully) come inside me. We have had sex. Sure, it was a different hole. Whoopie. It was still penetrative sex. Don’t worry about asking me if it is ok to come in my mouth. If I like you enough to let your dick in my mouth, I’m happy to have you come. I do prefer being told when it is happening so I can synch my breathing, but it is just a preference. 🙂 I do have a strong gag reflex and if I seriously fight to bring my head back after you have forcibly shoved my head down on your cock… let me go. I may be on my way to run to the bathroom and vomit. It has happened. It will probably happen again. I’m ok with this. Please don’t let the possibility of this happening prevent you from fucking my mouth with enthusiasm. It is great for me. This being said, I’m not terribly thrilled with having a relationship centered solely around me giving blow jobs. I will eventually feel kind of used.

Going down on girls is a little different for me for some reason. I have to like a girl more than I have to like a guy before I will go down on them. It is a strange sort of thing, but it exists nonetheless and I’m honest with myself about it. ~I have gotten more into giving head to women lately. I am more likely to negotiate it earlier than I have been in the past few years. STI conversations are more serious because I strongly dislike dental dams and I therefore encourage everyone who thinks they might like to have sex with me to GET TESTED EVERY THREE MONTHS!! J Also: When you go in to be tested you have to ask for a Herpes test. Most people don’t realize that it isn’t standard. Please do ask.

Breasts:
My breasts in general are more sensitive than my nipples. It is a strange thing, I know. My nipples don’t particularly appreciate gentle sucking. I will look down on you wondering what you are doing cause I feel…something…sorta… but it isn’t overly pleasurable. Squeezing my breasts randomly is also rather annoying to me. If it gives you a big thrill I can sit there and take it, but I won’t be getting any sort of sexual stimulation from it and I will probably get really annoyed after a very short period of time. Hurting my breasts/nipples is another story. Start slow with the pain as you see what my body will handle on a given day, but please… push… 🙂 I will eventually either ask you to slow down or you will hit the limit of how much screaming you want to hear. Either way to indicate a maximum level of pain is ok with me. I am not terribly into having my nipples bitten. It is a sharp, overwhelming sort of pain that I have trouble processing and I just don’t enjoy it very much. I will generally tolerate it while someone wants to do it though. Please just don’t think that I am enjoying it bunches. (I need to get better about talking about this one while it is happening.)

I love playing with breasts. I have a tendency to be overly rough, given my own preferences it isn’t a big shock. If I’m hurting you too much ask me to slow down. I can be gentle, it just isn’t my most natural tendency. I’m really focused on women’s breasts. I like them a lot. I like nipples on both genders. I like licking them and biting them. It makes me happy. If this doesn’t work for you, let me know and I will shift focus.

Hair: (cause I’m copying Bridgett until I get inspired to take off on something else)
I mainly/mostly go for clean shaven boys. I can deal with facial hair if I like the person enough but it isn’t a thing for me. Although, I have over time come to realize that there are boys for whom facial hair is a distinct improvement. As for the hair on other peoples heads: I like short, I like long. If it is long you really ought to take care of it. Dandruff bugs me. Hair that looks/smells dirty bugs me. I’m not “into” body hair, strictly speaking, but it doesn’t bother me at all. Pubic hair doesn’t affect me one way or the other. I wish I could keep myself shaved, but ingrown hairs seem to make that unlikely.

Weight:
I have spent a lot of time/energy/money losing weight. It is a big deal to me that I am the size I am. Compliments will be accepted and appreciated if you feel motivated to give them. This is not a solicitation though. If I ever feel like you are interested in me because I am small enough to be “acceptable” I may not be interested in you. I have been overweight most of my life, and though I don’t plan to ever get particularly large again, I can’t 100% say that I will never ever ever be a size 12/14 again and if you only like me because of my body you don’t really like me. I prefer partners who are average to slightly heavy. Skinny boys don’t do it for me and a woman has to be damn interesting intellectually before I will overlook being able to count her ribs. Significantly overweight is negotiated case-by-case. I am generally not attracted to people that are really really overweight because I can’t do most of the things I enjoy doing with someone who is in any way immobilized by their size. Size stuff overall–I generally prefer men who are 3″ or more taller than me. I am really turned on by feeling smaller than someone, particularly male someone’s. I like feeling delicate and like someone can toss me around; given that I’m not a small girl this means that someone needs to be fairly large to treat me this way. If I feel like I can stomp you into the ground, you aren’t going to hit my submissive buttons.

Cocks: (since I’m copying Bridgett I can’t skip a section….)
First, I will direct people to wonderful words by Laurel: http://www.mythago.com/comments.php?id=150_0_1_0_C
Then I will say: I am not a fan of overly large cocks. Period. If it is going to cause my jaw to be sore within five minutes of oral sex I will probably experience a lot of pain during sex and that isn’t good for me. I am so not a size queen. I have discovered that I really like giving oral sex to uncut men. It just seems to feel better. More testing should be done I say.

Race:
My most significant pool of experience is within my general mutt/white type of background but I am open to new experiences. 🙂

Oral Hygiene:
YES. Bad breath/teeth that look unclean is really really really repellent to me. I generally won’t kiss someone with bad breath. I will elect not to even if you are a nice person. Just no. I have a general preference for good teeth, but I don’t have perfect teeth and I generally like people more for the sum of their personhood rather than for any specific thing.

*blush* Bridgett went on to detail what sexual positions she likes so I guess I will too… (This is almost humiliation play to follow in her footsteps and reveal embarrassing things… I think I like it…)
Vaginal sex:
My favorites-
from behind while I’m on my hands and knees (I dislike actually referring to it as “doggy style” unless we are doing a verbal role play. However, if you want me to be your bitch… that can be negotiated.)
knees down, ass up, face and chest buried in a pillow/the bed. This is probably my very favorite favorite favorite.
lying on my side with one leg between the leg of my partner and the other leg up in the air generally held against the chest
missionary
if I get picked up and moved around…. *swoon*
Anything that rubs really hard on my g-spot is good stuff for me. Mine seems to be even more sensitive than usual.

Less favorite-
me on top. It is more difficult for me to orgasm in this position despite the fact that I orgasm at the drop of a hat. I’m just not into feeling in control during sex, although if a partner really wants me to be on top–I’m happy to please. I have managed to discover more pleasure in this position in the past few months, it still isn’t a strong favorite.

Be careful with pulling my legs up to my chest during missionary sex. I am very flexible and I generally can hold the position without any sort of a problem, but the tissues in my pelvic region tear very easily and this position can land me in a world of hurt for days. (More on the tearing later.)

Anal intercourse:
This section was erased and rewritten. Hot damn have things changed here. This has gotten better and better and better. I am so happy with this situation. I have had anal sex many more times and I want more! Dangit! I still need more warm up than some/many but if you want me you should be willing to put the time in anyway.

Dirty talk:
Yes please! The more dirty talk you can give me, the happier I will be. Dirty talk is quite literally the only foreplay I need. If you can’t talk dirty to me then we will not happily have sex more than two or three times. I just need it. I really do. This is much more important to me than most physical acts. The mind is the biggest sexual organ in the body and mine is highly developed. What kind of dirty talk you might ask…. Well… The filthier the better. Talk about doing all sorts of heinous, frightening things to me. Scary things. Really. Abusive, violent things. I like sick roleplaying situations. Daddy/daughter… especially if the daughter is later subjected to being raped by the neighbors/the neighbors dog at the behest of Daddy…. (Yes. I am a sick motherfucker.) More ideas you will have to come up with on your own. I can’t do all of the work for you.

Vibrators:
I am somewhat fond of using them when I’m alone, but I have a strange thing about using them in front of anyone else. It functions as humiliation play for me. If that is the goal, then that can be dealt with. If that isn’t the goal, be prepared for me to be somewhat uncomfortable. Also, vibrator orgasms feel very different for me than orgasms during sex. I like them, but just know this…

Bondage:
If I need to tell you that I like bondage you haven’t been paying attention whatsoever. I like very constricting stuff around my chest. This is my favorite way to basically do breath play. Major constriction stuff is good for me. I can’t hold my arms behind my back for terribly long and my elbows get wanky at time. I like lots of different materials. Hog-ties are incredibly sexy to me; something about the position feels extremely delicious to me. Recently several people have said, “Oh you can teach me how to tie you up!” and there is an extensive post about this swimming around in my brain. I just haven’t figured out how I want to address it yet.

Group sex:
Why yes, I would love to engage in group sex. Thank you for asking. I am picky about the group, but given where I have been spending my time and energy it seems to be ok to suggest it at pretty much any time. I will bow out if it isn’t working for me.

Now I get to start winging it because I have hit the end of my Bridgett inspiration. Hrm. I think this is where I actually talk about the care and feeding of me.

Play stuff:
One of my biggest motivators in sex or play is D/s from the bottom side. Serving, being used, etc. is what turns me. Egalitarian relationships don’t do much for me and I’m not interested in having my primary long term relationship be egalitarian. I am discovering that for relationships that are not going to be like that in structure, they really have to be egalitarian. It isn’t possible for me to submit to someone that I will not be with for a rather long time. Also, relationships need to grow and form before there is enough trust for D/s. I have learned the hard way that saying from the get-go “I want there to be D/s structure” only leads to some serious problems because the trust doesn’t exist.

Submissive men don’t turn me on at all. I can get some cerebral thrill out of being a nasty sadistic bitch, but I don’t want to control men. I can enjoy being dominant with women, but even that isn’t much of a sexual stimulus for me. It is a hard-wired thing. I already addressed bondage, so how about pain… I like pain in somewhat specific ways. I have a lot of lower back issues so a great deal of impact play doesn’t work for me. Floggers basically don’t work for me. It is almost impossible for a flogger to be used in such a way as to not cause me inadvertent unhappy pain. I like canes and single tails and knives and spankings. I like mind fucks a great deal.

Big Deal: I am not punished. I am not ever ever ever ever ever ever a bad girl. It isn’t ok with me. If you call me a bad girl during a scene, during sex, whenever I am likely to just start crying and that is the end of things. I will be extremely upset and I won’t get over it terribly quickly. It is one of the biggest deals about being involved with me. Major hot button, please don’t mess this one up. I am a nice, sweet, considerate little slutty girl and you think I am just great for being the way I am. Don’t try to tell me otherwise.

I have lots of schtuff in my background that is very unpleasant. I talk about any/all of it rather openly and freely. If you ever have any questions about something please feel free to ask me. I will answer it as openly and honestly as I possibly can. I have more hot buttons than I can delineate in any users manual but I deal with them all pretty well on my own and I don’t expect anyone to pussy foot around me and my schtuff. If I get upset I will try to deal with it on my own or ask for the help I need. I’m not interested in a white knight. My shit is my shit. Let me have it all by myself. That being said, curling up on a lap and crying once in a while just because I need to cry is exactly what the doctor ordered. Pat me on the head and say, “There there.” I’ll be good to go in time.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not ok with needing to be circumspect about my relationships. If I can’t talk about the people that I’m dating/interested in… I can’t be involved with them. I can’t do secrets. It is not something I’m ok with. I have heard the term, “living a transparent life” and I like it. Everyone is allowed to have their personal preferences for how I treat you directly—such as not wanting me to be terribly clingy in group situations—but I need to be able to hold your hand and talk about you. I have been trying really hard to “respect people’s privacy” and I end up feeling like I’m hiding stuff about myself and I’m done with feeling this way.

Care of the delicate bits:
Due to some of the stuff that happened when I was very young I have a whole lot of scar tissue throughout my vagina/labia/anus. Scar tissue is like a dotted line in the skin that means, “Please tear here.” Despite my very strong desire for rough, and rougher, and rougher sex… I can’t actually handle all that I would like to handle. (Damnit.) Don’t pull roughly on my labia. Don’t pull my ass cheeks apart with any speed or force. Just DON’T. I will tear open and it will hurt and hurt and that will mostly curtail sex for hours if not days. It sucks ass and so I try to avoid massive tearing. Gentle handling of the girly bits is important.

Any questions?