I have always thought of myself as a rather extreme extrovert. I could never seem to get enough attention/interaction… you name it. I NEED to be around people.
But… I wonder if I have always felt this way because I was operating from a defecit. I never did get much time with people. I was alone because I had no choice–not because I wanted it. I didn’t have friends consistently until my late teens because we moved so often. I spent most of my childhood alone reading a book–kind of the model of introvert, but I was never happy about it. Starting with when I got involved with theatre at LGHS I fought being alone with all of my strength and energy. I kept up the fight until some ways into my relationship with Tom. I often complained about how boring he was because he wanted to sit at home and watch tv, but I was really part of the problem. I wanted him to stay home, but I wanted him to pay more attention to me. It was a difficult arrangment to figure out.
Now, I have been out and out and out and out for the past few months. I have been out so much that Miss Jenny has complained that I am gone far more than I am home–and it has been true in the main. But I returned from Ireland 26 days ago and I have slept somewhere other than my bed 7 times and no one has slept here. This is a rather drastic shift from how things had been happening in the previous three months. And they are shifting because I want them to. I have essentially turned down sex because I knew the person would want to spend the night/snuggle afterwards and I just wasn’t in the headspace for it. I am sleeping alone because I want to. I am breaking dates and staying home because I don’t want to deal with people. It is weird. This is entirely counter to the image I have of myself. I have even skipped some dance things because I just didn’t want to deal with people. I am having more and more trouble getting out of the house on time for dates/events because I just can’t bring myself to face the people. It really isn’t that I don’t want to see/don’t like the people–because I do. I really love and treasure the people in my life. But I’m feeling very overwhelmed by them.
For a while I’m going to try to go to events on my own rather than have a date. If I already have a date with you scheduled, I’m going to try to keep it–but please don’t take it personally if I cancel. I just feel over peopled right now. It’s like I am caving in under the pressure. The semester has begun and despite the fact that my grades weren’t that bad last semester, I need them to be higher this semester. This is going to necessitate more time spent on school.
I don’t know how this is going to play out. But I’m beginning to think I might actually be an introvert who manages to survive fairly well in an extrovert world rather than the extrovert I have always believed.
Very odd.
Or you might be like me: a passionate intro/extrovert switch hitter:)
Few people are 100% one or the other. Someone once gave me the rule of thumb–regains energy by being with people=extrovert, regains energy by being alone=introvert. We shift around a bit at different points in our life too.
Could be that you’re in a changing/figuring new things out phase and your mind wants some alone time to work with it. Or, you’ve been over-scheduled with school, social life, etc. Even extroverts burn out on people when they have too much to do.
What she said.
If you find yourself energized after an evening of socialization, you’re an extrovert. If you find that being around other people drains you, you’re probably an introvert.
On the other hand, you could also just be tired – which I don’t mean casually as I just made it sound. You’ve done a lot, you’ve spent a lot of energy on a lot of things recently. You need some relaxation time where you don’t have to anything to anyone, except maybe and even including, perhaps, yourself.
Heh. If it feels good, do it.
I think “regains energy” is a better definition than how one spends time.
I also think that all humans have needs both for independence and interdependence, (ie, time alone and social time). It’s one of our major literary themes and one of the major paradoxes behind being human.
I also agree with the folks who mention that it’s a dynamic balance. Finding the right mix for today won’t necessary be what you need a few months from now.
It’s not unheard of for an extrovert to occasionally need personal time… you get stretched too thin and need a rest for a bit.
I’ve been experiencing something similar lately – I don’t want much to be around a bunch of people and am fairly selective about which ones I do want to spend time with. And sex, what sex? I’ve been attributing it to the time of year and the need to pull in my resources and focus on where I am in my career. I think they’re growing pains and it’s good, and you’re just figuring out who you are in the world. You don’t need to label yourself, just go with your own flow and you’ll figure out what works best for you! And if anyone has a problem with it… well, to hell with ’em! 😉
I wonder if I have always felt this way because I was operating from a defecit.
Hard to say. I can definitely say that I was in about that position with touch, sex and affection as of about five years ago. After years of thinking myself insatiable, I turned out to only be impressively interested (or maybe I’m just getting old).
While you may not get a full-on sea change, these things *do* shift when you get those needs met better. Things that seemed like constants, because they were constant needs, are suddenly variable like they are to other people.
As with many other aspects of our lives, we change over time. I’ve swung back and forth between P(erceiving) and J(udging) a couple of times since first taking a Myers-Briggs in high school.
There are also proponents of the idea that people tend to move away from the extremes as they mature… becoming more well-rounded individuals and seeking balance.
I know the feeling.
I’m skipping class tomorrow to go out tonight to the BAGG reopening. This will be the first club I’m going to in at least 2 months. I used to go clubbing weekly. Now, even when I have the time, I just don’t feel like it usually.
I’ve gotten lazy about seeing people – I want to spend most weekends at home, and if people come by, great!…but it’s really hard to get me out of the house.
Then I look back at myself two years ago and think “what the fuck happened?”
And I can’t even do the “how do you regain energy” thing, because the answer is that it changes. Quite possibly I’m a switch with introvert/extrovert, just like everything else. (well, ok, apparently not *everything* else. I came out masculine on a masculine/feminine/androgynous/undifferentiated test we did in human sexuality, which amused me no end.)
(I knew someone was going to bring up Meyers-Briggs types in response to this) Extrovert = is recharged by being around people and drained when alone, and Introvert = recharged by being alone, and drained when around people.
I took a M-B test last year, and the questions could pretty transparently be read back to the foundations. Despite the fact that I could see through the test, I answered each question honestly, and … surprise, (as with all the M-B axes) I came out *smack* in the middle. I do feel better (recharged) after being with people, but in anticipation of a social situation, I do feel dread that can devolve into paralysis, leading me to avoid the social situation. But that’s probably due to an environmentally imposed (learned) social phobia, which is probably not indicative of my underlying personality type. (But I’m so powerfully keyed, it’s almost impossible to fight.)
I also think it matters a great deal _which_ people you’re around. Some can be draining, some can be energizing. Flattening the field to thinking of all group social interactions as the same “type” is massive overgeneralization.