togos8: Good MorningMy name is Michael. I came across your name on the SF Bay Area Kink site.Do you have a moment?
boot_slut: Depends. What for?
togos8: Good Answer I wanted to say hello.
boot_slut: hi
togos8: I understand that you are and have interest in BDSM
boot_slut: yes
togos8: How long have you been involved in this area of play?
boot_slut: 4 1/2 years
togos8: started early….May I ask how you became interested?
boot_slut: Uhm, because I like kinky sex.
togos8: best answer
togos8: Do you have play partner(s)?
boot_slut: yes
togos8: good..If you would like to attend a play party, please let me know
boot_slut: Why would I need to let you know?
boot_slut: Why wouldn’t I just go by myself or with one of the people I play with?
togos8: I host them
boot_slut: Which ones? Where?
boot_slut: If they are local I have probably already heard of them.
togos8: these are private, by invitation only
boot_slut: Do any members of the public scene go?
boot_slut: Any Janus members, any people who go to munches?
togos8: yes
boot_slut: If it were so private and secretive you wouldn’t invite random chicks off the internet.
togos8: I came across your profile, and thought that a simple hello and casual discussions would be a simple way of just getting to know you. I am off to a breakfast meeting. I hope to talk with you again
togos8: Be safe/have fun
Does anyone recognize this nick?
49 year old divorced male American football fan who lives in Walnut Creek?
I don’t recognize the name, but I also notice he doesn’t mention any references. (“Well, X and Y can vouch for me, and I have played a lot with Z.”) I think he may have been inviting you to a small, private party. Like, him and you and maybe his chain saw.
Possibly I am too cautious, but even assuming there are no chain saws in the offing, I’d be a touch suspicious and very very careful.
I don’t know the nick, but I also don’t see any obvious warning signs. I’ve had very similar convos online before with folks I didn’t know. Usually I have a friend-of-a-friend recommendation, (which he _might_ have accidentally omitted), but occasionally I’ve even done it cold.
He could be just what he claims. In any case, gathering more info from him prolly couldn’t hurt. Just be careful of what you agree to exchange, (like you really need that caution?)
Some guys like to pretend that they have special “insider” access as a way of impressing chicks. It sounds like you popped his overinflated ego, and he wasn’t prepared to backpedal.
Some parties are “private, by invitation only”, but everyone knows about them. Like Black Sheets, for example. Mr. Togos8 might not have realized just how well-connected you are.
That is a patently false statement. You only know about the parties you know about. I promise you that there are other parties about which you know nothing.
Some parties being invitational, are still fairly easy to find invitations to, if you ask around. Others really are pretty closed and even learning about them is difficult. Until someone specifically invites you, takes you, or at least introduces you to the host, you’re just sol. For some of these, even asking cold will get you put on a blacklist preventing you from ever being invited.
There is a fairly large, fairly open scene around the bay area, at least for het couples these days. But there have been times when one’s participation and standing in the scene were measured by which parties you were invited to. Having been around a while, I can probably name at least 10 ongoing, regular to which you aren’t invited and probably at least 5 you haven’t even heard of. (Note: this doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m currently invited.) There are also private mailing lists, private discussion groups, private chat rooms, etc, etc. The only way to get to know about them is to go to open events and get to know people, until someone happens to invite you.
Also note that according to Miss Manners, talking about parties in front of people who aren’t invited is considered extremely bad form. Given the secrecy which is often common in the scene, it’s doubly bad form.
When I held events, they were always by personal invitation and exclusive. Some uninvited people knew about them. But they weren’t advertised anywhere. One of the reasons I don’t hold them anymore is that I was too exclusive and my invitee list drifted off by attrition.
That is a patently false statement. You only know about the parties you know about. I promise you that there are other parties about which you know nothing.
I’m not sure which statement I made you believe is “patently false”. There are parties which are “private, by invitation only”, which have a large enough current or former invitation list, like Black Sheets, that lots of people know of them, even though not on the invitation list. I believe that Black Sheets is one of those which “asking cold will get you put on a blacklist preventing you from ever being invited.”, though I’m not sure of that.
The point of my comment was that Talos8 was pretending to be more in the know than he actually was, and didn’t realize that actually does have a good deal of access to more exclusive, private parties within the public scene, and that he got rather flustered when he realized that she was on to him, or at least knew how to check his references.
I believe that Black Sheets is one of those which “asking cold will get you put on a blacklist preventing you from ever being invited.”, though I’m not sure of that.
Nope. Asking cold will get them to do an interview thing with you, and possibly quick background check. You’ll then be invited, if you seem to check out.
I’m not getting a feel for the timing from the transcript above. The same IM conversation can read two utterly different ways depending on what delays are present, and where.
However, the impression it gives is that as soon as you asked him for details or for some reasonable indication that his little venue is legit, he backed way the hell off and disappeared on you. That’s not an inspiring sign.
Bingo. As soon as you started prying he gave you a canned-sounding response.
togos8: I came across your profile, and thought that a simple hello and casual discussions would be a simple way of just getting to know you.
Also, this doesn’t particularly fit with his “hey, wanna come to a play party?” approach above.
I don’t know anything about the ‘scene’, but it is clear even to me that he is not as he represents himself.
For some reason I found “I am off to a breakfast meeting.” to be a hysterically funny sentence.
What really gets me about this person is that they don’t look like an experienced typist. Sometimes uses caps, someimtes doesn’t, ditto for periods, spaces, etc. Might be a faulty keyboard, but the (for chatting) super formal style makes it seem like someone who is new to the scene. Kinda resonates with what people have been saying above about someone who wants to seem more experienced that he or she really is.
Just my two cents worth.
“new to the scene” being the internet/chat scene. 😛
ps, cool icon!
Here’s my reading of it:
“Hi, I occasionally host really exclusive play parties, which I’ve decided to make known to you, a random stranger.”
He may be legit: it takes all kinds. However, in the absence of references you already know/trust, I’d be really leery. It smells a little too much like “Dear Occupant, because of your excellent credit history…” – which may mean he’s really creepy and can’t keep play partners.