I have been so happy and excited for the past two days. Then today I talked to Anna on the phone. I called her to be gushy about something that is going well for me. About five minutes into the conversation she said, “And do you want to hear my good news?” “unh” That was about as much enthusiasm as I displayed. She doesn’t call me to tell me about things. Instead, she waits for me to have something I want to talk about and she hijacks the conversation. We always have to end up focusing on her. And the stuff she wants to focus on usually sucks. I end most conversations with her feeling upset.

Today she was telling me about how she is applying to Arizona State U for med school. She will be doing so commuting from her parents house. She wants me to be excited for her. Her parents are abusive, negative, belligerent assholes. They treat her profoundly badly and no, I don’t fucking feel happy about her moving there. It isn’t because I am sad she is moving out of state—I already hardly see her. She will move in with her parents and go back into being abused. Why in the fuck should I be happy about this? Not to mention that my pessimistic nature tells me that she won’t be accepted into med school. Her grades are horrible. Her MCAT scores are not high enough. I just don’t understand why she thinks that giving up on her friends and life and moving out of state for a dream that isn’t likely to come true is a good idea.

I’m feeling really upset by my interaction with her. Why do I continue to associate with her? I have felt for a while that we are moving further apart. I haven’t considered her my best friend for quite some time. I’m beginning to wonder if she is even a friend. I’m sad about the situation.

I was asked yesterday if I surround myself with people who are constantly in crises. Maybe I do. She is certainly one example of such a person. In the main I don’t think I do though. It makes me think that maybe if I can’t handle her heavy level of drama that I should start creating more distance there. I wonder how long it would be before she would call me. I practically hung up on her today. I finally interrupted her long spiel about why it was a good idea and told her why it isn’t a good idea and brought up several examples from her previous history with her parents. She said, “I don’t remember that.” She has a bloody convenient memory. She acknowledged that I have asked her not to tell me about her parents and her interactions with them because I get angry on her behalf. She said, “I’m trying to tell you less of the upsetting stuff.” I told her that she isn’t succeeding. Then I said I had to go because I had class and I hung up without waiting for her to say goodbye.

I feel like I just lost my friend.