Puppy and I do quite a bit of lovemaking. Yes, I actually use this expression. I use it in reference to sweet, gentle, loving sex. The kind that involves many words of love and sweetness. The kind that can go on a while and doesn’t involve pain. A steady diet of just this kind of sex can make me crazy, but mixed in with lots of kinky/painful sex it is good stuff. Before we nodded off last night we had some really nice sweet lovemaking. It was wonderful. As I was trying to fall asleep I kept doing the startle awake crying thing. He commented after the third time, “This is going to be a rough night.” Well… it was rough. But not how he thought.

Somewhere around 2 am I woke him up basically humping his leg. I wasn’t awake through most of this. I was having crazy-intense sexy dreams and I wanted to come. I finally woke up when I was getting close to orgasm and he asked me if I wanted to come. I said yes rather urgently. He gave me permission. It was quite yummy. When it was done I sort of rolled off him and he asked me something, but I can’t remember what. I started getting antsy again a minute or two later and he asked if I was going to rub myself on his leg again.

Hell no. I climbed on top of him and started kissing him and touching him and stimulating his cock. That was enough frottage for one night; it was time to fuck. He started talking to me about how wet my cunt was. He asked me why I was so wet. I told him that my cunt was so wet because I wanted him so much. That I wanted him so much all of the time that he invaded my dreams and tortured me with with wanting his cock there too. I told him about how much I wanted to feel him slide into me and fuck me. Around this time he grabbed my hair and pulled my head way back so that my back was arched and he had full access to my breasts. He was quite gentle with them because they are so sore lately. I tried to contain my moaning because making noise is impolitic with housemates. I kept trying to move my hips. He adjusted me then thrust his cock into me. He let me ride him as fast and furious as I wanted to for several long minutes and he permitted me to have several orgasms. Then he told me to go slowly. Moving his cock in and out of me so slowly as to be torturous. As this was going on I begged him to hurt me. He seemed somewhat surprised. “You want me to do what?” “Please Sir, please hurt me.” He started hitting me. “Harder please, Sir.” “Harder.” “Harder.” Oh god it was good, and then I came, with permission of course. He put his hand around my throat and used that pressure to control the strokes into and out of me. I tried to keep my hands behind my back so that I would not obstruct his access to my body. But then my head hit the ceiling. And then it did it twice. So instead I put my hands on top of my head to minimize the pain of having a loft bed. He pulled me back into his body and we moved together slowly for another few minutes.

He told me to lay on my back and spread myself open for him. I feel so exposed and silly when I do this. But I did it. He slammed into me. He talked to me about how he gets to use my body in any way he chooses. He likes pushing into me further and harder than feels good to me just because he can–which of course means that it feels good because I love having him use me that way. It hurts and is agonizing and feels good to the core of me. The words we exchanged… they are terrifying to me. Word of love and possession. Words that I am afraid to think about at any time other than the middle of the night. Words of ownership. I cannot yet face them in the day–I am still scared. It has not been long enough.

I asked him if it would please him to use my ass. He really likes using me that way and it isn’t always easy for me so offering it to him when I believe I can take it is an act of service. Not to mention that I thought it would feel good. So he started trying to enter my ass. I often panic and get scared. It was hurting this time more than is a good thing so I asked for more lube. He started pushing into me again and it was terrifying. I started to panic and I tried to pull away. Despite the fact that I wanted it, the sensations were overwhelming and scary and I would have done anything to get away from that feeling. I started mewing and pulling away and Puppy soothed me. He held me still and told me, “I want to be inside of you. I want this from you. Open yourself to me. Let me in.” He alternated these phrases with shooshing noises and holding me. I calmed down enough to start relaxing and entered me. It took several movements for it to start feeling right and good, but it did eventually. He slowly and thoroughly used me and talked to me about how much he loves possessing my body. I could feel the build up inside me, the orgasm wanting to erupt. I fought it–I didn’t want to have another one on my own. Eventually he asked me if I was ready to come with him. I moaned my assent. It was wonderful feeling his body over mine quake, feeling him react to the tightening of my muscles as my ass contracted.

We held one another after doing some basic cleaning up. I feel so safe in his arms. We said more of the words that I can only hear in the dark of night.

I wonder when those words will happen in the day.