(No cut cause I’m not on a client and I’m not willing to go through the hassle of figuring it out from the web.)
After I managed to hit the absolute bottom dregs of Miss Jenny’s patience with me (apparently I can only ask her if I look cute a certain number of times and I went over it yesterday–who knew that two hours of telling me that I am cute gets irritating?!) I trotted off to Puppy’s house.

He liked my final decision. A white slip dress. I had to put another white slip under it because it was too see-through. 🙂 Miss Jenny didn’t like that I couldn’t wear underwear because you could see the underwear through the dress. Not see the outline–see all of the panties. Funny how the boy doesn’t mind the situation.

When I got over here (cause I am still in Oakland) we did our standard flirting and playing around. We figured out that the party started two hours later than he thought. As soon as I heard that I suspected we wouldn’t end up going because he wanted to go lie down. It has been my experience that if he lies down after about 6pm, he isn’t getting up again. Maybe he will prove me wrong eventually… We went in and talked about how he would like to come home and play after the party. I told him that it was going to be late and he has to get up early the next day so he shouldn’t get his hopes up. And he started asking me about something–I don’t remember what–and I got quiet. I was feeling sad. A few weeks ago we were talking about something and he made an off-hand comment about how he thinks my desires as a submissive are a match for his desires as a dominant. I felt a little alarmed by this because I haven’t asked for any D/s stuff in our relationship up to this point and I thought he was saying that this egalitarian stuff we have going was all that I want. !! What? 🙁

So he badgered me into talking (he does a better job at this than anyone ever has. You know my wander off and pout time that I want? He doesn’t let me have it. I’m not sure how I feel about that.) about what was on my mind. I explained how I have been totally stifling the stuff I want as a submissive and I am worried that he thinks that means I just don’t want anything. I told him that after the play the other night (yeah, ya’ll know the scene I am talking about) I have been feeling the lack of D/s more strongly than I have in a while. I’m really good at shutting down my desires. After a while of knowing that I am not going to get something I shut it down so completely that I don’t even know I want it anymore. (The reason I didn’t crawl the walls during all of the no sex with Tom was because after a while my libido shut down.) I told him that I have started missing D/s something fierce and I am noticing the emptiness inside me that is created by missing that part of me. Long story short (yeah right, this is me) he said that he wants more D/s than we have but he has been trying to let things evolve at a natural pace because we need to have a foundation of a relationship before we can add on dynamics. Have I mentioned that I love this boy? Oh my goodness.

We started talking about what D/s might look like for us. First he wanted me to talk about how D/s looks for other people so that he has more information to go on. I’ve also been to many more D/s classes than he has. [side-note: it is funny that I totally avoid classes on physical skills but I go to D/s classes like crazy.] We started negotiating what different levels of D/s interactions would look like. We came to several conclusions that were good and in the process he made a couple of statements that pissed me off. This lead to a lovely conversation about owning ones own behavior and feelings and why I statements are good and why you statements can infuriate me. By the end of the conversation he understood exactly why I was upset, I understood what he was really trying to say, and we reached a resolution we were both very happy with. Good stuff–end of tiff number one for the night. Then after lots and lots and lots of negotiating we decided that we wanted to play.

So he tied my wrists over my head and my feet out and put a gag on me. We have never played with a gag before. He informed me that this was going to be a hot and cold scene. He played with candles first. Wax and flame are good things. When he decided he was done with that he took the gag off of me. He asked me if I had ever played with ice. I said yes. He asked if I had ever played with cold water. I said yes. He asked if I had ever played with dry ice. Uhm. No. Well. He had something to beat that. He pulled out this huge container with interesting labels with very small printing and a cup that had a silver looking ring around the top half and a strange mesh thing around most of it. (Come on chemists out there–you know what this is, don’t you?) Liquid fucking nitrogen. Negative 190 degrees fucking Celsius. HolyMotherFuckingShit. It was uhm, quite a ride. 😀 I enjoyed it immensely! It is this intense burning/freezing/itchy sensation. I liked it. I freaked out when it was in an area with more hair though. That was nifty. Then he decided that he wanted to have sex. 🙂 Uhm, ok!

The sex was really good all the way through to the end. He told me to wait for him, and then he never gave me permission to come… 🙁 So I was uhm… very very sad. He stimulated me afterwards and got me off, but it felt hollow and cheap and crappy in comparison. Then he “released” me from the level of protocol we were at before he had even *pulled out* let alone untied me. I felt very bereft and shitty about it. I totally shut down. I didn’t talk for a long time then I got up and got water and food (oops skipping dinner). As I was eating I told him he should go to sleep cause he had to get up early. He told me that he wasn’t going to sleep until I talked to him. I finished eating and eventually tried to articulate why those two things had upset him. In his head he had said “come with me” and didn’t understand why I didn’t and he felt sad about it too. And he released me from protocol because I had made a comment in appreciation of a release of pressure on part of my body when he shifted and he thought I was ready to be released and he didn’t want me to feel artifically constrained. We talked a bit more and then made really sweet love and he asked me if I wanted to go back to a higher level of protocol as we were making love and I said yes and I haven’t been released yet. Second tiff handled quite neatly.

I hate it when this “talking it out” shit works. Then people think they have the right to say, “See! I was right! You should talk about your issues.” Psh. 😛 😉

So yeah. I did my hair and drove Jenny nuts all afternoon and I didn’t go to the party. Hella funny. But it was a really great night. I hope you all have fun at the DHP. I want stories. 🙂