I want to get it out. But I don’t think I can find the words to flesh it out. Bare bones:
Yes, we brought the liquid nitrogen. Yes, it was a very spectacular scene to watch. It was on ok scene to be part of. It was a really shitty scene by the end as he got caught up in the ‘audience’ and forgot I existed. And then, cause I was upset he spent the rest of the night beating himself up and being upset. So I’m trying to talk him out of a temper tantrum when I feel shitty anyway.
There were several shitty hours in the middle. Then we tried to play again to see if we could end the night on a better note. It went pretty well. But he can’t push me. He reads all of my ‘in pain’ signals as distress and stops. And he is still upset and beating himself up.
Now, I can’t really sleep to make up for the very little sleep last night and I feel shitty. I think this qualifies as a bump. 🙁
bump
Yeah, it’s a bump, and cause it’s the first (or one of the first) it’s got a lot of weight.
We all fuck up – some times more magnificantly than other time… this was in that ballpark.
I hate that you had to put your stuff on the back burner to ‘give him a pep talk’.
That’s a hot button for me. It goes like this: I’m the injured party, I need support, comfort, something – ‘your’ guilt somehow makes this about *you* and your needing support. What about me? I’m the that’s hurt/the one you hurt.
Hugs and little kisses on you forehead –
love you – L
ow
sorry this happened, sweetie. (hugs) I think you’ll get past it, but I’m sure it sucks right now. more (hugs)
Poop.