It’s been an eventful 24 hours. I have driven to Davis and returned to Oakland. From Oakland I drove to Campbell at around midnight. I went from Campbell to Mountain View and then on to South San Jose this morning. I have been back in Oakland for less than an hour. I really needed to shower and brush my teeth.

I went to a BM camp meeting and that was good stuff. I had a conversation that had been scaring the crap out of me and it was received very positively showing me once again that I have picked some stellar people to know. I came back to Puppy’s after the meeting and he and I talked again. We processed a bunch of stuff about how we were each not being good about staying in the realm of “my shit” and that lead to neither of us getting what we needed. We reached a compromise that I am happy with and then we did some really really really hot play. This isn’t the dirty filter so that’s all I will say about that. After that I did homework while he made me dinner and ice cream with home made caramal. Have I mentioned that he likes to spoil me? When I finished my homework I set off for San Jose.

To back track slightly, early yesterday afternoon I got a call out of the blue from my friend Marcus. We did theatre together at West Valley for years and I am extremely fond of him. He said that it was his birthday and he had decided at the last minute to have a party–would I be able to come? I knew I would be showing up late, but I wanted to go. I haven’t seen him in over a year and wow is his hair long now. He seems to be doing pretty well and he is very happy. Most of the party was trying to talk me or him into the idea that we should sleep together. I told a few of the well meaning friends (his, I didn’t know anyone) that he had had a window of opportunity about 6 years ago and he wasn’t interested. The window is now closed. 🙂 But we actually ended up cuddling in his bed last night–fully dressed of course. It was cool. I have missed him a lot. I woke him up way early with me and we had a really awesome conversation. I remember why I always liked him so much and why I maintain contact with old friends. I am truly blessed in my friendships.

Then this morning I headed up to Tom’s house to pick up my cat. Tom was wearing a t-shirt of mine. oops. I guess it somehow got mixed in with his stuff when I left. He took the shirt off and handed it to me and the cat stuff was loaded up and off I drove. I was there for about 3 minutes. It didn’t hurt as much as it did the last time I was there. Poor Puff cried loudly the entire way to my mom’s.

And then I got to my mom’s and unloaded Puff and her stuff and mom and I sat down to talk. Uhm. I had a really difficult conversation with her. I told her about the stories I have written. I told her that my sister had asked to see stuff and that my sister had told me not to tell her (mom). I said that until Sissy said that I probably wouldn’t have shown mom but being told that I shouldn’t because she would feel too guilty just made me crazy.

I told my mom everything. I sat there and I told her about all of the rapes. She knows pretty much everything about all the molestations apparently because of when I prosecuted. We talked about the things that were going on around all of these events. My mother apologized to me and broke down crying telling me that she knows that she failed to protect me and she feels really bad about it. My mother explained how and why she behaved the way she did. She said that my sister knew I was molested the first time I remember it happening–she could tell by my father’s behavior. My sister didn’t say anything to me at all or to my mom for years. My mom told me how much she has missed me in the past few years and how she has wanted so much to close the gap between us but she hasn’t known how. She doesn’t know how to talk to me without me flying off the handle. Which is something that will probably be on my mind and the subject of many posts to come. I have an unreasonable temper and I need to start controlling it better.

I am absolutely exhausted. I have gotten just over 8 hours of sleep in the past two nights. Puppy and I had a major up and down. Talking to my mom was sooooo hard. Puppy just walked in. I need snuggles.

tenacious_snail–I’m sorry I missed hiking. Today just kind of went in a direction I didn’t expect.