So the backlash from coming home is finally hitting in terms of him not feeling very good. It’s normal I keep telling him. I think I should be a bit more careful about what I say for the next day or two. Just cause something is true… doesn’t mean he wants to hear it.

So we were having a conversation, I relayed how much I hate packing in general. He said, “I assume if you really hate it so much that you will stop doing it and have me do it.” I laughed. I told him that it doesn’t matter how much I hate it–it needs to get done and he isn’t likely to do it anytime soon. He comes home from work and flops. He has no energy and he isn’t getting much done at all.

This lead to him making a pretty snotty comment towards me and both of us went into pout mode. Which means that I completely stopped talking and he kind of huffed off and made dinner. An hour or so later we finally talked. He said that he is feeling really bad because he feels utterly useless and that makes him feel like a bad person. But he feels so awful physically that he just can’t seem to make himself do stuff. I told him that I wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings. I know that he needs a few days to recover from all the traveling and the fact that he was sick pretty much the whole time he was in Nepal. I don’t see it as a negative reflection that he isn’t doing anything that he doesn’t absolutely have to right now.

This lead to us examing the fact that I feel really bad and useless if people don’t let me do stuff for them, and he is the same way. I started thinking about this. I have had two really serious long-term relationships. Stephen was utterly useless and wanted me to do bloody everything–cooking, cleaning, fixing the computer and the car, organizing financing… yeah. He wanted a mother. Tom was willing to do the really big stuff–changing the kitchen from an electric stove to a gas stove which involved some pretty serious work, and other stuff of that magnitude, but not much day-to-day. Sure, Noah and James both did stuff for me–but I was seriously uncomfortable and ultimately it was one of the things that probably kept me from commiting more than I did. So now I have Puppy. And I have to adjust in my head to the fact that he wants to make dinner several nights a week. He wants to do the dishes. He wants to do things for me that I am more than capable of doing for myself. I think I have hives just thinking about it. I think this will be one of the most serious relationship compromises I have ever made. I know: poor me… my partner wants to do stuff for me…. It’s hard!

So by the end of the evening I was in a terrible funk and feeling completely horrible and down on myself. Puppy is not one to leave things alone. Issues have to be discussed, Right Now. *sigh* I’m really not thrilled with that method of problem solving. I feel really shitty when I’m pushed to talk before I’m ready. It was funny that he and I had a conversation about that a few hours before he did it. After we talked… I don’t think he heard all of what I said because he latched on to reassuring me about something that I wasn’t upset about… he spanked me. It’s been a couple of weeks and that was really lovely. It lead to some really hot, passionate love making. The goal had been to tie me up first, but the spanking uhm… yeah. It worked for him and he got impatient. So he tied me up while he was inside me. Holy cow was that awesome. I’m telling you, boy has skills.

He really does intend to commit to me in the long-run. It’s actually pretty scary.