Too much wine = me saying things that I normally would filter out. Things like when the conversation about where are you from: California. No, where are you from? I am an 8th generation Californian. Oh! Wow! How did your family get there so early? Are you Spanish? Well, there were five generations of prostitutes and it is easy for that kind of woman to get around. *blink* (The uncle actually said that it is a shame our family got out of it because that is an excellent profession. I burst out laughing.)
His aunt criticized my table manners (I took a bite too early during the third course) and I said, “So what?” and kept eating.
When asked about where I grew up I said that we didn’t really live anywhere very long. Military? Naw–my mom’s a flake. Gun shots a few weeks ago near our current house? That’s nothing. When I lived in Compton we had actual murders in front of our home fairly regularly.
Teenage boy threatening to hurt me? Go ahead kid. I learned how to fight with numerous gangbangers coming after me–I will probably make you very sorry you started anything. (He was playing and this whole exchange was light and funny. But he backed off on it.)
I don’t think either younger brother will ever say, “*scoff* That’s so queer” in front of me again. I ripped them a new one up one side and down the other.
I made I think multiple references (when appropriate, I don’t just bring it up out of the blue) to living in trailers/ghettos/the projects/the car…. Yeah. I don’t think they will ever suspect me of being of their social class. I can’t compete with them and I’m better off not trying.
I always feel out of my element in situations with a large number of people who are living on inherited money. It just feels wrong to me. I have nothing in common with these people and furthermore… I don’t want to have anything in common with them. It’s a bias I should work on because I am being just as bad or worse of a bigot.
But yeah. I sure uhhhhh didn’t play nice last night. His uncle and I got along famously. 🙂 His aunt looked pissed off. Puppy and I weren’t supposed to do any PDA’s because it would take away from the specialness of the day for the bride and groom. ?!?!?! ok…
Yes Virginia… I normally do have a filter on what I say…. Muahahaha
Oh. And the twin beds? They are now pushed together.
“I always feel out of my element in situations with a large number of people who are living on inherited money. It just feels wrong to me. I have nothing in common with these people and furthermore… I don’t want to have anything in common with them. It’s a bias I should work on because I am being just as bad or worse of a bigot.”
Oh how I could go on and on about this subject- and I frequently find myself with foot inserted in mouth among people of a different class.
But is it really foot in mouth, or is it simply something they are past due in hearing? My boss from the job that I got in March has actually cried about 4 times from just these scenarios. Luckily, she’s an enlightened white woman of privilege who is willing to hear these things in measured doses, and actually reflect on them.
Sounds like you had an eventful night! Hope the wedding is easily navigated.
I run into those situations too, even without the alcohol. Going to an Ivy League school means I end up in classes (or houses and dorm-rooms) with kids who have been almost criminally sheltered, who wear white gloves and hats on Easter and don’t really understand dining out for less than $30 a person. We have serious difficulties communicating on almost everything.
I vote for past due in hearing. I’m not ok with people being clueless about the experiences of the vast majority of humans on this earth. Their fortune in being spared poverty and much that goes with it does not give them also permission to be blind.
So we can educate. There is no reason to keep our mouths shut. Nope.
and oh yes.. I almost forgot…
“His aunt criticized my table manners”
I have had such appreciation and gratitude to those rare people among the masses who instead of critiquing you would gently, and quietly give you a pointer. It’s such a different experience. THAT is true grace and social stature. It’s what I want to grow up to be at least.
“His aunt criticized my table manners (I took a bite too early during the third course) and I said, “So what?” and kept eating.”
Dude…if she is so very “miss manners”, then she ought to know that criticizing another
in public is about the rudest thing one could do. I should photocopy her my Emily Post.
You rock! You are one of the most fabulous people.
With twin beds you can usually turn the mattresses 90 degrees so that they are perpendicular to the bedsprings. Makes it easier to actually sleep together on them.
? lol… I don’t know you, but I LIKE your brain!
Thanks! I’m rather fond of that part of me too. :-).
Yes! I’d totally forgotten that little trick.
*laugh* thank you for sharing!
How did your family get there so early? Are you Spanish? Well, there were five generations of prostitutes and it is easy for that kind of woman to get around.
bwahahahaha!
Points for the uncle.
You are my new hero!!!!
You so totally pebble that there are not words enough to tell you.
*much love and hugs*
(grin) shattered their comfort levels… that was beautiful.
Yes, you rock! They’re gonna end up loving you.
I’m probably going to get lynched here, but weddings are notoriously hard on families. I’ve get to be closely involved in one where the family participants weren’t “off”, and so stressed out that they bear only a passing resemblance to their normal selves. Generally, at weddings and funerals I try to be as helpful and unobtrusive as possible, and leave the fireworks for a time when everyone is a little more emotionally stable.
I guess I also perceive traveling through various social strata similar to visiting other countries. Even though I’m left handed, I use my right hand to eat in India. Though I strongly dislike sushi, I cheerfully ate everything set in front of me by my students in Japan. I try to adapt as much as I can to the local customs because each culture has its own quirks, and though I often fail I see benefit in encouraging civil cross-cultural understanding.
It sounds like you stood up for yourself nicely, and that they understand you considerably better after your trip.
*I don’t know whether to send you a get-well-soon card…Or a Trophy…
*either way…I think you ROCK HARD
I’m going to stick up for some people with inherited wealth. My dad’s side of the family is that case, and they (mostly) don’t act that way. I would not be where I am without having inherited wealth. Yes, I have done a lot of hard work but I wouldn’t have lots of things I take for granted without the generous gift of my parents and grandparents.
You may note that her complaint was phrased “a large number of people who are living on inherited money”. Most (but not all) people who don’t act that way are doing so because they may have inherited money, but they are living on different money. Which is the way to do it – it doesn’t diminish the inherited money.
I’m in that situation, in fact. I’m a trust fund baby, but I’m living on my salary as a programmer. And it really is a difference in perspective.
Word.