20 thoughts on “Advice”

1. tsgeisel 19/08/2005 at 05:25

   This advice coming from someone who’s never consulted with a therapist, I’d say “be ready to talk about anything”.

   Tell her you’re just in a state of overwhelm, and don’t know where to begin. That while your childhood had some fucked up parts to it (ok, many), you don’t really think that’s the issue.

   Basically that whole 3rd paragraph would make an introduction.

   Remember – she’s a professional. She’s done this before. Trust her to do her job.

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2. brehen 19/08/2005 at 05:28

   *I have felt this way before…about a new therapist…*

   So, I said that I wanted to begin with now…*not with the past…

   *being up front about your fear of getting lost in the “already-been-there-done-that” part of therapy should help find where an appropriate place to start is…

   *I think it’s great that you are going*

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3. tenacious_snail 19/08/2005 at 05:46

   I have found that talking about what I want to talk about, and acknowledging that there is other stuff there, but really, I’ve talked about it and worked on it, and we can discuss it, but really, the challenge NOW is…

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   1. terpsichoros 19/08/2005 at 05:56

      That’s a pretty good summation of what I was going to say, too.

      If you’re not sure what to present as “the challenge NOW”, go back and look at some of your posts where you’re worried about screwing things up with Puppy. Not the ones where you’re worried about his ex, or other stuff where someone might say “he’s such a butthead”, but the other ones. Start with that.

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4. flavoroflove 19/08/2005 at 05:51

   With my latest therapist, I laid out very clearly what had and had not worked for me about therapy in the past, and what I wanted out of my interaction with her.

   (In my case, I was tired of talking and talking. “Yeah, yeah yeah, I KNOW what’s wrong and probably ‘why.’ What I want now is to DO something about it. I’d rather have advice, coaching, and even some tussle than head-nodding and ‘I hear you saying…’ BS.”)

   I think it makes complete sense to talk about what you think is important right now. If you know what problems you are trying to solve, list them. If you need help parsing what’s going on with you and articulating it, tell her. If all you know is what feels uncomfortable right now, explore what exactly is uncomfortable and why. You have probably been through this and done enough work on your own to know what your process is. Give her a sense of what that is. She can probably figure out how to meet your pace and facilitate further strides.

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   1. Krissy Gibbs Post author19/08/2005 at 15:12

      I did most of this when I was on the phone with her scheduling the appointment. 🙂 I told her that I am not ok with someone who just sits there and nods her head at me. I need constructive feedback or it is a waste of time. 🙂

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      1. prince_cosmic 20/08/2005 at 17:49

         This was well done. I imagine that it will take a session or two for you to figure out if you are a good match together, but at least you laid out some of the particulars up front. 🙂

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5. blacksheep_lj 19/08/2005 at 06:32

   (I have done therapy) I think the first session is kind of a wash in productivity and is purely a “getting to know you” time. In which I think it will be important to:
   1)acknowledge your childhood history, and in conjunction with said acknowledgment, the fact that you have done a lot of work around it in therapy previously (it is an issue that deserves a nod and an understanding that it does play a part in your perceptions of situations and provides certain “bad tapes,”)

   2)identify the current dilemmas that are troubling you the most and have driven you to seek therapeutic intervention (anger reactions/volatility?, difficulty in communicating/establishing boundaries with Puppy? See previous postage for your own interpretations of your own darn problems ’cause for goodness sakes, you’re the only one that can really say what the high profile issues really are *grin*),

   3) establish what it is that you want from the therapist (supportive listener vs active exchange of ideas. ….i.e.do you want to be guided to your own conclusions or do you need more interactive discussion style)

   I think many of the previously posted suggestions are highly valid, and I recognize that there is a great deal of overlap with what I’m suggesting. Just trying to synthesize and provide an outline.

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   1. Krissy Gibbs Post author19/08/2005 at 15:33

      She passed the bar on some big tests on the phone. She does not believe in instantly medicating someone and hoping for the best. She said she is active in the process after she gets to know someone, but there is generally an introductory period where she mostly nods. Which makes sense and I respect. If she immidiately thought she knew all the answers she would piss me off.

      And she is punctual. *phew*

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   2. labelleizzy 20/08/2005 at 00:05

      I think this is a good point – go back and reread your own LJ posts! see what you’ve been venting about most, what still bugs you months later, maybe pick the thing that bothers you the MOST right now.

      In a similar vein, if you have other journals or calendars where you track anything like food intake, emotional states, (or like in my case) emotion-related financial splurges… that would be good resource as well.

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6. brjulia 19/08/2005 at 12:00

   OK, speaking as a voice of very similarly related experience…

   Start by stating what immediate issue brings you there. In the course of describing this, you should definitely mention the childhood issues, though perhaps in brief. A good therapist will be able to ask questions as needed. Don’t discount the effect that childhood trauma has on you as an adult… there’s certainly a pervasive influence on how you react and feel much of the time. For example, nightmares and lack of sleep affect your feelings and decision making ability far more than most people realize.

   You are not broken beyond repair, and if a therapist thinks that simply based on an introductory explanation of what happened to you earlier in life, that’s not someone you should be seeing.

   I love you dearly and will do my best to help you through this, if you’d like. Perhaps we can throw our demons in the ring and let them battle it out in mortal combat. If nothing else, it would be interesting to watch…

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   1. Krissy Gibbs Post author19/08/2005 at 15:13

      *hugs* I love you.

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7. anima_fauxsis 19/08/2005 at 12:33

   I second what blacksheep said. I don’t know, specifically, this person’s methods. However, most therapists like to do some sort of intake for the first session. You both wil set the structure for future sessions and expectations – fees, policy for missed sessions…stuff like that. She will likely have questions about past therapy experiences and general questions about what you are looking for out of therapy and what got you searching for one right now.

   I would not worry about what to talk about in the first session. It’s pretty structured in that way. You can kind of coast and just feel her out to see if you two are compatible or not.

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   1. Krissy Gibbs Post author19/08/2005 at 15:20

      I kind of figured that most of the first session would be like this. I told her that compatibility is a huge deal to me and if I don’t feel like I can talk to her I won’t waste either of our time.

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8. dangerpudding 19/08/2005 at 16:14

   When I started seeing my current therapist, I walked in with a “Who’s important in my life” document and a “Issues, ranked by importance to me right now” document.

   I did that because I don’t enjoy spending huge amounts of time (and often money) explaining who all of these people in my life are, and how they’re connected. It’s complex, and best represented in a format the therapist can refer back to. I’d be happy to share (with you) a copy of my who’s who document from December.

   The second document was an effort to rank what I wanted to deal with because, like you, I didn’t want to just jump in with the whole childhood dump. I gave the parts that were relevant to the issues at hand, and she’s eventually gotten all of it and we’ve started working with it, but I needed to get through what was at the top of the stack first.

   I’ve found that being somewhat assertive about this being time that I’m paying for, and trying to be aware of what I want out of it (even if that’s just ‘to feel better today, damnit”) is important.

   YMMV, I’ve got far too many years of therapy experience going into this, and don’t trust therapists very easily.

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   1. blacksheep_lj 20/08/2005 at 01:04

      Oooh – I think that’s a great idea (the documents). I did feel like I had to spend an awful lot of time on background to get to the issues at hand. A sort of “handbook” might be REALLY helpful, as I think that’s a lot of the note taking stuff that they’re doing anyway.

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9. capnkjb 19/08/2005 at 16:59

   I’d recommend pretty much telling her what you wrote above – namely:

   “I don’t feel like I know where to begin. I feel overwhelmed by the mess in my head. I need to have some way of presenting things/me to her and I am totally lost. For some reason I just don’t feel like I should begin with the standard dump about my childhood. That is part of my shit, but it isn’t really the part that is the most important right now and it totally gives the impression that I am broken nearly beyond repair. Instead I am just kind of broken. …. I feel really uncertain as to how to approach this.”

   If she is good and has tact and knows what she is doing, she can take that and run with it, suggesting things.

   But yeah, others have given some pretty good advice too, obviously.

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10. teamnoir 19/08/2005 at 17:29

    Sounds eerily like someone I know.

    In any case, my advice is to start with goals. What it is that you want to accomplish? What it is that you hope to accomplish in this therapeutic cycle, etc? That gives you the option to challenge relevancy. As in, “yes, I have a childhood, but how would that be relevant to this now?”

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11. yanijc 19/08/2005 at 21:00

    When I was seeing someone regularly, my sessions became a somewhat useful regimen of covering the events of the week since we’d last spoken. How I could have done things differently, things to think about during a similar situation in the future, etc.

    I’d say focus on recent events, only delving into the past where it feels relevant to you to bring that in. More important is to feel out the Therapist to see if she is a good match for you – no annoying hot buttons or pet theories. (which was what ultimately drove me away from mine)

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12. boxofchaos 20/08/2005 at 15:13

    You’ve already receieved excellent advise. I just wanted to throw a little moral support in…. I think the suggestion of “starting in the present” is great.

    I’m glad that you are reaching out for the feedback you need honey. You’re working awfully hard at all of this, and doing the right things- don’t forget to give yourself credit for that.

    I hope today works well for you, make space to process and release post appointment if neccesary. I always make the mistake of trying to instantly go back to the real world after therapy.

    *hugs and loves and snuggles*
    me

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