Ok. I sucked it up and brought up a terrifying subject. I should get some major freakin brownie points for this.

I told him that my instinct is to just say, “Avoid this crazy bitch like the plague.” We agreed that it was not quite reasonable though. We talked for a while about some of the things that upset me and how to deal with them and he explained that between his work/school and her work/school they are unlikely to spend much together anyway. I told him that was not good enough because that is ambiguous and no real solution. He asked me “What restrictions do you want me to have.” AHHH I don’t want that responsibility first of all. I told him that I don’t want any surprises. With the caveat that if she decides to call and say, “I’m on campus, want to have coffee?” that it would be ok and he doesn’t have to call me first or anything. Stuff involving violence or extended visits I would like him to let me know about, but they are well within his rights. We talked about various shooting schtuff. We went through the laundry list of things that can happen to help me feel ok with her being in the same place as a loaded gun with him. But mostly I told him that the idea of him going shooting with her freaks me out in every way that something can freak me out. He is entitled to do whatever he wants–he is a grown up and I don’t get to decide for him. However, I’m going to be fucking upset if he decides to do it. I could view this as manipulative, or I could say that I was being completely honest. I choose to believe I was being honest. I want to make the prospect of him shooting with her unattractive because the results will be unattractive. I said that I would be uncomfortable with them spending a bunch of time in our apartment alone together. I also said that if we have another party and if japlady and angelbob and blacksheep_lj will be there then she has to come. Cause then I can sit on/behind my friends and not worry about her presense. 🙂

This was a calm, rational conversation. I actually gave in on several points (I’m not detailing everything cause it would take a while) and he told me that ensuring that I am comfortable and happy is a very high priority. Ok. We are getting better at this communication and compromise stuff. Near as I can tell (I can’t actually speak for him, but it seems to me) both of us are happy with the resolution. YAY!