Blurbiness

So I hate updating sans client, but my Semagic is still sucking for unknown reasons.

Confusion is still reigning in response to teaching this semester/year. Hopefully there will be a phone call today helping with that. I talked to fin aid. I’ve been approved and such, I just haven’t been sent my check yet. I can float a bit longer.

I have been watching Katrina news more than I have watched anything since 9/11. I am significantly upset by the whole situation and I can’t put my finger on why exactly. Yes, it is a major tragedy–but why do I feel so personally affected by it? Usually I am somewhat more callous than that. I think in order to survive in America you need to be somewhat callous to the atrocities that occur every day somewhere in the world. We can’t help/fix/whatever everyone. But this one I can’t let go of. I’m sending money and I feel pathetic for only doing that. I am sending more than I can really afford, but who in the hell am I to bitch about money concerns when I still have a home and a stable income and…. yeah. Just do it and all that.

My massive cleaning on Tuesday has been somewhat obliterated by the messiness that is the Puppy. *sigh* Oh well. I am going to finish cleaning the guest room today anyway because it may come in useful tomorrow night. Interesting stuff in the works.

Much oddness still happening in the relationship with the Puppy. He complained enough about my sex drive that it seems to be…. gone. Yeah. I haven’t been able to talk myself into being interested in sex in several days. I feel pretty distant from even the idea of sex. He pointed out that I have an issue with always/never. My sex drive is on or it is off. I either want to have sex four times a day or I am not even vaguely interested. I think it has to do with not wanting to deal with rejection; in order to stop feeling rejected I will turn that part of my body off. Not so good.

He is off to a 15 hour day today. Tomorrow is also likely to be a long day. *sigh* Not much time spent with him lately and that is sad.

I am feeling very disconnected right now. Even when I am standing in front of someone I adore and hugging them, I feel kind of panicky and like I have to run away. Yet I miss them and want to spend time with them. Even when I am with someone I miss them. I don’t know what is going on.

And my tummy is hurting and I’m not sleeping well. Blah.

11 thoughts on “Blurbiness

  1. psylphpdx

    “Usually I am somewhat more callous than that”

    I totally relate to this statement. Here’s a really good example of it too…

    I am sitting back, waiting to see how many rescue/relief agencies come here to help us like we (as a country) rush to help other countries during their times of crisis. I am *so* not holding my breath though… because I really don’t expect anyone will show.

    Hhmmm… maybe that is a better example of cynicism. ~sigh~

    Reply
    1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

      My response to that is: we are the largest and most powerful nation in the world. Of course we are expected to help other people. And who can help us if we can’t handle helping ourselves?

      Reply
      1. japlady

        Nod. 10,000 national guard groups are now in the region but they are being shot at by our own people??? (Some fucking idiot was taking pot shots at a helicopter that was trying to airlift people out.)

        What bothers me is with all the terrorism preparidness stuff why weren’t we better prepared for this. I mean didn’t someone theorize terrorists blowing up a levie?

        Reply
        1. psylphpdx

          The idiots shooting at the rescue teams also refused to leave the area when the warnings came through, and are refusing to leave now. IMO, they should be left there if they are that ignorant and adamant. One less oxygen theif to worry about or pay welfare to.

          Also, they are saying that this is prossibly the worst Hurricane destruction to hit our country, and that region specifically, in over 100 years. To compare it to a terrorist blowing up a levie is like comparing a guppie to a whale.

          Reply
          1. japlady

            not really, at least in terms of New orleans if they had blown the levies the whole town would have been flooded — only difference I supposed is that it would have been MUCH easier to bring in support from surrounding communities because the bridges would still be up, etc…

            ok your right…

      2. psylphpdx

        Wow… all I can say to that is that we will have to agree to disagree on this subject. The whole idea of us being expected to help just because we are a large and powerful country, and that no one need return the favor for the same reason…
        And it’s not a matter of not being able to help ourselves IMO. They call it the United Nations, not the America Helps all Other Nations… So I feel that if they want us to run to their aid then they should at least OFFER it in our times of need.
        That is, of course, just *my* view on the matter.

        Reply
        1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

          If you go look around news sources outside of the typical crap that is American news… people are offering to help. We are saying no thank you.

          Reply
          1. psylphpdx

            I always thought our government was run by idiots…
            That’s the proof in the pudding.
            Thanks =`) I’ll have to go look now.

  2. japlady

    I utterly understand the not dealing well with rejection part, my response is the sex drive stays the same but I develop this whole fear/walking on eggshells yet utterly needy response, as in my ‘agressiveness’ disappears completely (even if he should initiate I’m still completely passive because I don’t want to do anything that might put him off — which ironically has in past put the guy off.)

    Reply
  3. tsgeisel

    My massive cleaning on Tuesday has been somewhat obliterated by the messiness that is the Puppy.

    Have you tried putting down newspapers? Hitting him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper?

    Reply

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