Puppy is discovering something. Frankly, that he is just discovering it means he is pretty slow.
I am happier when I am having sex basically every day. The first piece of this is: that means I am in the mood every day. Me being in the mood for sex means that I am feeling up, happy, and much more secure. When I manage to shut my sex drive off, which I can do with conscious effort, I am more depressed, less bouncy, and generally just not “up.” And then there is the benefit of: having sex makes the brain produce all sorts of yummy chemicals which encourage me to feel good generally.
Puppy has made it very clear in our relationship that my sex drive is much higher than his. At times, he expresses this lovingly and just tells me not now. Other times though he gets frustrated with me and has gotten somewhat mean about it once or twice. I get the general impression he will never be mean about it again.
Combined with my last period (he thinks sex during that time of the month is gross) and just generally feeling kind of frustrated I decided to turn it off. That means that in the last week or so, we haven’t been very active. And I have not initiated at all in any way. He has noticed the general drop in my mood and commented on it. He also made note of my off/on switch and thinks it isn’t a good thing. Wednesday night we had a long talk about it after he tried to initiate sex and I did the equivalent of “can’t get it up” and he said that he hasn’t meant to complain about my sex drive nearly as much as I have heard it and really… he would like it to come back…
So I spent some time yesterday masturbating and reading porn and getting myself back into my normal “yayyyy sex” mode. Last night we had some fun. And this morning when I initiated, he took one for the team and put out again knowing that there will be sex tonight too. Twice a day is hard for him and most of the time he isn’t willing. I think he decided that rewarding me for doing what he wanted (turning it back on) was a good thing. I do know that twice in one day is still going to be a once a month or less thing. But it’s awfully fun when I get it.
On/off
Hmm. This might get kinda personal, but–
Ya know, we me are designed to be overoptimistic about our sexual ability and stamina. It’s not our fault really, the amount of testosterone in our bodies makes us -want- sex, and -think- about sex far more often than we can usually -get- sex.
Initially, when we find ourselves in a position where we can have sex more often than we ever imagined, the ‘kid in the candy store’ mode kicks in and we live up to our own unrealistic expectations–for a while.
Ultimately, when that pent-up reserve in the libido runs down, the reality kicks in– sex is a lot of fun, but it takes focus, concentration, energy and TIME to do it properly.
I think all of us would like to be able to have sex all the time. Unfortunately, you’ve got to EAT sometime, sleep sometime, most of us have to go to work sooner or later, and the enthusiasm and the energy start to drop a little bit or even, some days, quite a lot.
And when the enthusiasm isn’t all there, or sometimes the enthusiasm is there, but the physical energy simply isn’t…the cock can be a fickle little monster.
So the question I have for you is, how’s Puppy feel about using toys on you? How do you feel about it? Is it the same, or close enough to get the desired results? Having a man who loves you hold you and talk to you while he gets you off with a vibrator or a magic wand, does that count for nearly the same?
It’s just one of those things you figure out, once you get the old male ego under control, is that skin-to-skin full-on sexual ‘tab A’ into ‘slot B’ sex is always going to be the best, at least for a boy, but sometimes if you don’t worry about making the dick a focal point of the equation, you can still get some very nice results, sometimes with a lot less time and energy, leaving a little more time for eating and sleeping and doing chores and such, so you can get those things out of the way and have more energy for the -next- time.
Maybe you’ve already addressed this– I dunno, that’s why I’m asking. But a lot of guys, especially the younger ones, have a hard time wrapping their heads around the idea of using an intimate substitute in lieu of their own equipment. And sometimes it’s not close enough to the same thing for a woman either, but it really boils down to the individuals.
My obvious point is just that if he wants to and you want him to, there are ways of keeping your switch in the ‘on’ position that don’t burn up all of his sexual energy quite as fast…
Re: On/off stupid typo fix–
First line–
Ya know, we men, etc. etc.
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I’d say you’ve got a really good point there. 🙂
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Thank you for your points. I have one or two responses.
We men are designed to be overoptimistic about our sexual ability and stamina. It’s not our fault really, the amount of testosterone in our bodies makes us -want- sex, and -think- about sex far more often than we can usually -get- sex.
I have yet to find a man who thinks about sex as often or wants as much of it as I do. Just sayin…
We try to use toys, but finding the balance of how much/when is difficult because it makes things more complicated. And I am more into “tab a-slot b” than most boys I know. It’s kinda weird.
Yeah, and even when we have sex we don’t spend much time on it. I’m trying to get the boy to have more stamina at least once in a while…
😉 He’s pretty cool about toys and owned a strap-on before meeting me. He just had never used it. We are working towards compromise… it’s just a slow process.
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“I have yet to find a man who thinks about sex as often or wants as much of it as I do. Just sayin…”
That was a little bit of my point– when a man meets a woman who’s as hungry as he THINKS he is…well it’s not unusual for him to discover that he was a figment of his own imagination.
Male and female libidos are interesting in their differences. I remember getting a chuckle out of reading an interview with Dear Abby, when she said the two most common types of letters she got were from wives who complained about one of two things– husband wants sex ‘too often’ or ‘not often enough’.
Anyway, ever’bodys different. You and he are the only ones who are going to be able to figure out what will work for you. I just thought I’d ask in case it hadn’t already been put on the table.
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😉
And I do thank you. Exploring toys is not the most automatic thing, even for someone with as much “experience” as I have. It bears reminding.
And I’m considered high maintenance for having a once a week minimum
“I have yet to find a man who thinks about sex as often or wants as much of it as I do. Just sayin…”
Wel, you certainly know one, but he’s not available….(Paula chuckles)