I’m not going to do this as a poll, because… well… I don’t feel like it.
What songs do you associate with “America?” With places or ideas or just something that feels overwhelmingly “American” to you?
My first ideas:
American Pie
Motownphilly
Sweet Home Alabama
Summer of ’69
I didn’t say how much my happiness is also a result of just being happy with my life. I have great friends who give me wonderful support. It was on my mind today kind of generally and I was thinking about how I don’t acknowledge the greatness of my friends enough.
I am touched and honored by the wonderfulness of the people in my life. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me. Thank you for the phone calls yesterday and the emails and the comments. I really appreciate the support.
Day two was really awful until about 2:00. See, I thought I crashed and burned in a horrible way during class today because the kids were quiet and apathetic and one boy was kind of snotty. Well, I managed to talk to the boy who was snotty and one other boy from class at around 2 and it turns out that the other boy thought the class was really great and the snotty boy clarified was his issue had been and he stressed multiple times that *it was not about me*. He said I did fine, he was just not into that type of writing and he is sorry he hurt my feelings.
Yay! Ok, I love this class and especially that boy.
I have a huge stack of folders to go through this weekend as I try to formulate my unit plans for the whole year. Info from other teachers you see, because my department RAWKS!!! My student teaching supervisor is being bitchy, but I am finding ways around that. I have shitloads of paperwork to do in the next few days for the district and for my department at SJSU. I also need to find time to do reading homework for my classes. Oy. OH! And the scary part is, I have to take the language exam for my MA on October 19th. You heard that right. Oh My God. I’m scared. And I have to file for graduation by the 9th of October. And I have to take the MA exams in early November. Can we say “overload”?
Yesterday I was out of the house for 11 hours. Today I was out of the house for 10 hours. I want to continue the downward trend… There is still the possibility that I am going to need to pick up another period of teaching, which will mean that I don’t do the student teaching I currently have lined up. That would suck because the teacher I am currently observing is AMAZING. She actually taught a unit for my methods of teaching English class last year and I loved her enthusiasm then.
I am busy and very stressed, but my reaction to being very stressed is to become hyper-organized. I laid all of the groundwork today and I am really excited about the challenges that this year is presenting. So far I have done fairly well in the classroom and my kids are responding well to me and are very willing to work for me. I look forward to getting to know them better in the coming weeks. It is kind of sick, but I am also kind of happy to be back on a morning schedule. I never feel as good when I am forcing my body to stay up late at night. I woke up 20 minutes before the alarm this morning. (Falling asleep at 9:20 will do that for you.) And I felt pretty good! I had a pretty high amount of energy today, which is incredible considering that I am running at a cummulative sleep dep for the week.
Now, I have used up my alloted time for decompressing (I sorta caught up on lj–love to those of you who are stressing, and there are a lot of you). Now I get to put comments on the kids in-class writing today. *beem*
I survived my first day of teaching (uhm, all one period of it–but it was a 100 minute period…) and now I have to run off and figure out what to do today for the second day.
So. Tired.
I haven’t said much about Katrina, though I have been reading every article I can get my hands on. I am deeply disturbed by this event in ways I cannot accurately say. I just read an open letter from Anne Rice and I found it to be quite good. I hope that other people enjoy it as well.
http://www.wwltv.com/topstories/stories/wwl090305annerice.21ad697f.html
I want this weekend to be over already. I am tired of arguments. I am tired of being wrong. I am tired of the shift key on my keyboard not working properly.
And I am fucking tired because despite the fact that I was in bed really early last night I just couldn’t sleep. Starting this week I have to be out of my house an hour or more before I have been waking up for the past year. I am trying to switch my schedule around now so that I actually function this week.
I am tired of being the grown up. I am tired of having to always be the one to apologize. I am tired of constantly being fucking wrong. I’m starting to think I’m not fucking wrong. Maybe someone needs to get their god damn head out of their ass.
http://www.tomatonation.com/over25.shtml
Last night I had a new experience. I tried something I have never tried before though I have wanted to.
I don’t need to repeat this experience. Once was enough. There was good and bad bits to it. I felt scared quite often in ways that were very overwhelming for me. I decided to go for a walk and about 12 minutes in (Puppy timing) I *freaked* and literally ran home. I spent the rest of the night inside cause I needed to feel safe. There were parts of seeing patterns and the physicality that were very cool. I spent a little time doing mirror gazing while I sat in the bathroom for a while cause I couldn’t remember how to go to the bathroom. I knew from my reading that this could be a bad idea. Instead of seeing anything bad, I saw myself as more beautiful than I have ever seen myself before. This was pretty intense. It carried over into today. When I looked in the mirror this morning I still saw myself as absolutely beautiful. This was awesome. Yay me! 🙂
Last night for a lot of time I was crying. I just couldn’t stop. I didn’t know why I was crying. I wasn’t actually sad. I didn’t know what I was.
Puppy took care of me and it was a good thing. I couldn’t do much of anything and I needed him so desperately. I am really grateful to him.
Kissing was *amazing*. But yeah, don’t need to do it again.
No client, no cool link. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/traveloutdoors/2002462243_nwwtrailmix01.html
Uhum. *clear throat*
I… am the newest teacher employed at Santa Teresa High School. I was the first interview. My enthusiasm and commitment impressed them so much that they decided they could not risk not getting me.
See, I walked in and told them that unfortunately I need to know today because I am potentially starting at another school on Tuesday and I feel it is unethical to go to a school and meet the teacher, principal, and students and then drop the assignment. Even though I would vastly prefer to a)work at a high school and b) be paid for my labors, I need to be respectful of everyone involved and that mean honoring a commitment if I make it.
So they saw the person who was waiting in the lobby as I left. Then they called me and said that they simply have to have me. If I am willing, welcome to the team. YES!!!
So now I have to send emails to everyone in the credential program letting them know what is up.
SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM
I’m off to an interview… If I get this position… and especially if it is actually what the woman told me yesterday… No financial worries this year.
Please, God. I could use a break.
Puppy is discovering something. Frankly, that he is just discovering it means he is pretty slow.
I am happier when I am having sex basically every day. The first piece of this is: that means I am in the mood every day. Me being in the mood for sex means that I am feeling up, happy, and much more secure. When I manage to shut my sex drive off, which I can do with conscious effort, I am more depressed, less bouncy, and generally just not “up.” And then there is the benefit of: having sex makes the brain produce all sorts of yummy chemicals which encourage me to feel good generally.
Puppy has made it very clear in our relationship that my sex drive is much higher than his. At times, he expresses this lovingly and just tells me not now. Other times though he gets frustrated with me and has gotten somewhat mean about it once or twice. I get the general impression he will never be mean about it again.
Combined with my last period (he thinks sex during that time of the month is gross) and just generally feeling kind of frustrated I decided to turn it off. That means that in the last week or so, we haven’t been very active. And I have not initiated at all in any way. He has noticed the general drop in my mood and commented on it. He also made note of my off/on switch and thinks it isn’t a good thing. Wednesday night we had a long talk about it after he tried to initiate sex and I did the equivalent of “can’t get it up” and he said that he hasn’t meant to complain about my sex drive nearly as much as I have heard it and really… he would like it to come back…
So I spent some time yesterday masturbating and reading porn and getting myself back into my normal “yayyyy sex” mode. Last night we had some fun. And this morning when I initiated, he took one for the team and put out again knowing that there will be sex tonight too. Twice a day is hard for him and most of the time he isn’t willing. I think he decided that rewarding me for doing what he wanted (turning it back on) was a good thing. I do know that twice in one day is still going to be a once a month or less thing. But it’s awfully fun when I get it.
So I hate updating sans client, but my Semagic is still sucking for unknown reasons.
Confusion is still reigning in response to teaching this semester/year. Hopefully there will be a phone call today helping with that. I talked to fin aid. I’ve been approved and such, I just haven’t been sent my check yet. I can float a bit longer.
I have been watching Katrina news more than I have watched anything since 9/11. I am significantly upset by the whole situation and I can’t put my finger on why exactly. Yes, it is a major tragedy–but why do I feel so personally affected by it? Usually I am somewhat more callous than that. I think in order to survive in America you need to be somewhat callous to the atrocities that occur every day somewhere in the world. We can’t help/fix/whatever everyone. But this one I can’t let go of. I’m sending money and I feel pathetic for only doing that. I am sending more than I can really afford, but who in the hell am I to bitch about money concerns when I still have a home and a stable income and…. yeah. Just do it and all that.
My massive cleaning on Tuesday has been somewhat obliterated by the messiness that is the Puppy. *sigh* Oh well. I am going to finish cleaning the guest room today anyway because it may come in useful tomorrow night. Interesting stuff in the works.
Much oddness still happening in the relationship with the Puppy. He complained enough about my sex drive that it seems to be…. gone. Yeah. I haven’t been able to talk myself into being interested in sex in several days. I feel pretty distant from even the idea of sex. He pointed out that I have an issue with always/never. My sex drive is on or it is off. I either want to have sex four times a day or I am not even vaguely interested. I think it has to do with not wanting to deal with rejection; in order to stop feeling rejected I will turn that part of my body off. Not so good.
He is off to a 15 hour day today. Tomorrow is also likely to be a long day. *sigh* Not much time spent with him lately and that is sad.
I am feeling very disconnected right now. Even when I am standing in front of someone I adore and hugging them, I feel kind of panicky and like I have to run away. Yet I miss them and want to spend time with them. Even when I am with someone I miss them. I don’t know what is going on.
And my tummy is hurting and I’m not sleeping well. Blah.