The dirty details.

I pick fantasy land.

Ok, fine. So the relationship isn’t “forever” and I can’t have you for the rest of my life even though it hurts so much to think of losing you that I can’t breathe. You don’t understand the depth of my feelings for you. You just don’t seem to know at all. Let me tell you: I have given up numerous things that are on some level important to me because I would do just about anything at all to make you happy. I have given them up willingly and almost happily just for the possibility of pleasing you. I love your smile, your kiss, your hugs, your voice, your eyes, you….. Yes, there are so many things that drive me absolutely crazy–but I expect that as part of the boy/girl dynamic and don’t really let it bother me that much.

I don’t want to lose you. I don’t feel like this relationship has run its course yet. I know it is selfish and immature and self-absorbed, but I have not had enough time with you yet. Please don’t leave me. Ok, so I can’t have you for the rest of my life. Can I have you for the next few months? I know you are leaving. I know you don’t want me the way I want you. Can we pretend? Can I please not have to deal with the horror of losing you yet? I just can’t handle it right now.

I know that I am too broken for things to work with us forever. I can and will cheerfully bury all of my brokenness for a period of a few months if it will let me be happy with you for just a little while longer. I know it is pathetic to beg. But, please. Please don’t leave me yet.

6 thoughts on “The dirty details.

  1. akienm

    I remember feeling that way. I really empathize with this. I wiash aI had more to offer you now besides *hugs*. I’m here if you want or need anything.

    Reply
  2. dorjejaguar

    I’ve been where your at babe. It’s not pathetic but it does feel it in the moment.
    Your brokeness will not keep you from getting the love you need. Your hugeness may demand a stronger lover though. It’s the least you deserve and I really believe it’s coming gorgeous girl.

    Reply

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