I’m having a lot of trouble with hope right now. I had a bad day yesterday–ok, I had one bad period and it wasn’t that bad. But I feel like a failure. And I feel like I will never be successful at a relationship. Part of my problem is exhaustion and I know it. I finished my unit plan last night for Mans Search for Meaning. I will have something to show in my meeting this afternoon.
This weekend I need to catch up and even get ahead on my masters class. I am slipping further and further behind and that isn’t ok. I need to figure out what I want to do my main paper on. I have no freakin ideas. *sigh*
I need to start packing. Maybe I will get busy on that this weekend. I’m not terribly optimistic about it, but it could happen…
I feel lonely. I feel like I can be in the middle of a crowded room and still feel completely alone. Yesterday several of my students touched me to try and get my attention and I freaked out. I started chanting, “Don’t touch me.” I walked out of the classroom to calm down before I could handle them again.
I didn’t get pictures. By an hour into the day I wasn’t feeling very princess-y anymore. 🙁
I need to figure out how to challenge my students more. I feel like I am sucking.
Therapy went well I suppose. She is a very active, action oriented person and I appreciate that. She immidiately recognized some concrete ways that both of us will have to adapt if we are to stay together and made no bones about it. I’m scared though.
*hugs*
Hey – I know *you*! Hi!
Hi, who’s this?
Alessandra from Plough and Gaskells.
*blinks* Hi! Shoot me an email so we don’t have to clutter‘s journal
Well at least when you clutter my journal I see lots of comments to my post in my inbox and feel almost special. 😉
You *are* special. Do you know I was positively glowing after our chat last night? It feels good to be reminded that I’m missed…
And then you come and comment in my journal and discover from other sources that really and truly your fanclub *is* still alive. I tooooold you! 🙂
*beams*
You’re being very brave. Hang in there. *hugs*
*teacher hat on*
Okay, at this point in the year your kids prolly know you are, like, a Real Person and all, a Real person who sometimes has bad days… and besides, even when you try your best and spend hours to come up with the kick-ass lesson plan, sometimes even THAT goes over like a lead balloon.
Keep trying. and be honest with them about the having a bad day thing. I think they appreciate the honesty thing the most.
*friend hat on*
Therapy GOOD. Life is better with Ketchup. And Therapy.
*scrambles around looking for Friend Hat, as Non-Sequitur hat has suddenly fallen onto my head*
I don’t think I’ve ever told you how proud I am of how hard you work, both with work and with play and with your own healing process.
You impress the fuck out of me, honest you do.
What Ali said: hang in there. This is all something that you can do. And we love you and are here for you.
I’m sorry I suck about using the phone but I’m real good about talking into it once it rings… am trying to get better and will try (again) to give you a call sometime the next week or so…
*there* it’s in my calendar.
re: my icon? YOU are inspirational. Please try to remember that.