Monthly Archives: November 2005

Today I am grateful for…

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cherry orange whatever from jamba juice. It was soooooooo good and it stayed down.
Peter because he told me to try jamba juice and he listened to me whine and freak out and just generally have panic attacks.
my California Lit professor because she granted me an incomplete so that I can do my paper for her over Christmas break instead of while I am tearing my hair out.
Marcie because she has endless patience with my whining and misery.
Angela because she is willing to be mommy.
Rebecca because she is going to Dickens with me and my sisters party and invited me to do something with her on Friday. She is on a one woman compaign to keep me from calling Puppy in tears and I appreciate it.
J because he has called and emailed and is trying to be so very supportive.
my seniors because they told me that they really liked the lesson on Monday that I was ripped apart for and they think I am doing a great job and they said that they are going to be very unhappy to lose me at the semester because I am a great teacher.
my juniors because I ripped them a new one and was really harsh today and the end response was them telling me that they know they are hurting themselves and they are going to try harder.
having my experiment with wait time pay off. 1st period started off deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeead and then I just sat there and stared at them and they eventually had a brilliant discussion!
my master teacher for rocking my socks off every day with her support and encouragement.
my coworkers for entertaining me till so late at night so I don’t feel like I have to go home alone and feel shitty.

What the hell…

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So, my sister is having a party on Saturday and she told me to invite all my friends. I think she is insane, but I’m going to do it apparently. 🙂

Details: Saturday December 3rd. From 6-9 it will be somewhat mellow, but after 9 it is byob and do whatever you please. I’m not sure she means do whatever you please in the sense that my friends do… but she has told me that she means it about 8 times. I’m going to have to trust her. It is my intention to go. Would anyone be interested in joining me? It is South San Jose, actual address will be emailed…

The only problem

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with a truncated friends-list? Less to read. Ya’ll aren’t posting much these days. 🙁 What do I do with my desperate need to procrastinate now?!

I’ve had half a dozen people tell me tonight not to call him. I’m sure that if I talked to anyone else they would do the same thing. I haven’t called him. I want to. I know it would be drama. It would also be a measure of comfort. Cause he wants to talk to me and I want to talk to him and we like each other and all that jazz. Then why did the son of a bitch dump me? And why is he sending me emails that include:
“We had some very good things going for us, the timing was lousy though. I am willing to bet if we had met 3-5 years down the line it would have been different. My greatest fear is running into you later and discovering that you have become the perfect person for me, happily married to someone else. I’m not telling you you have to wait for me ;-p I’m just saying we were doing pretty darn well with a couple of exceptions.”

That sounds so much like he doesn’t really want it to be over. I want to hate him. I wouldn’t be so sad then. 🙁

Life really sucks right now.

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My university advisor and vice-principal sat in on my seniors today and they ripped me a new one. They hate my lesson plans. They are not specific enough, and when I asked, “Well, do you want me to put a plot synopsis on the lesson plans or a copy of the overhead?” my advisor snapped off, “You are being sarcastic and I don’t appreciate it.” I almost burst into tears. What do you want from me? Seriously–I don’t understand what it is that you want me to do. For the rest of this semester I am going to have three page lesson plans with plot synopsis and explanations. I’m going to rip it all straight from sparksnotes because I am teaching five fucking preps you cunt rags.

I am so barely holding on by a thread. My stomach hurts so bad I want to throw up. I tried to eat and my stomach recoiled before I could even get the food in my mouth.

——————–

Break for Anna coming in. She is going to bat for me right now with the vice-principal. She thinks that I am totally be shafted and that a lot of the criticism of me is inappropriate and quite frankly, she is the only one who has the right to judge. She is the only person who has actually seen what I have done over any length of time. She is the one who has actually talked to me about my plans.

I still feel like shit. I’m going to see the doctor after the staff meeting. I just want to cry.

I miss Puppy. I got to talk to Noah for a while last night and I’m grateful. He helped me see a lot of points. I still want my Puppy though.

Spread some love

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From aberrantvirtue

Leave a comment, if you’d like, to this entry, and I will tell you something I like/love about you.

Please repost the meme in your own journal if you have happy thoughts to spare, as this week is the beginning of the downhill slide for so many people, and I’d like to help boost those I can!

I should be able to respond fairly promptly in the next day or so. 🙂 I want to remind myself just how much I like ya’ll.

attitude

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I have a hard time not being hostile when they whine and complain about getting too much work. I am not assigning too much work. I am assigning less than I probably should. Yet they complain. And when I spend 30 minutes explaining something and they spend that time talking to their friends and not paying attention and then we do the exercise and they raise their hand and say, “I don’t understand” I want to scream.

SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE DIRTBAG

Ok. I’m calm. I swear.

hate grading

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I am staring at a pile of quizzes yet to be graded. They will be easy to grade… once I get through the last of these POS essays. The stupid absent kids. AHHH I thought I was done!!!! *sigh*

Tomorrow is the end of the grading period. Technically I have until Tuesday to turn in my grades, but I really want to be done early. If I am done early I can have my weekend alllll to myself. 🙂 That would be lovely. Tomorrow I have a parent meeting at 3:45. That’s kind of annoying. *grumble* But, my desk should be cleaned up by then. 🙂

It is 8:10 pm

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And I am at school. Admittedly mostly because of the internet access, although I have been making copies for the last 45 minutes. Today I graded papers and puttered around getting my apartment together and did the lesson plans for tomorrow. I am not getting ahead on lesson plans. I suck. I do always prepare the day in advance though. Further than that seems to be beyond my abilities right now. 🙁 I still haven’t cried. My cat is still being odd. She spends most of her time hiding in the closet, but she comes out and bugs the crap out of me when I am trying to sleep.

Now it is 8:20. I’m stapling together my huge pile of copies now. I haven’t seen anyone I would consider a friend in more than 48 hours and I am unlikely to see a friendly face until Friday. More than 48 hours ago and on Friday that face will be Puppy’s. I’m once again doing as Rebecca says and working hard, but it is lonely. This Friday is the end of the grading period and I am pretty buried under paperwork. Woof. I did get both sets of essays graded today. I feel good about that. I have a bunch of reading quizzes and vocabulary to grade. Blah. I might tackle more of that when I go home tonight. Maybe. If I am a good girl. I am getting internet at my house tomorrow. YAY!

Now a teacher is here talking to me. I’ll be social.

hella funny

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I went and hunted down one of my kids today. A girl who hasn’t been to class in two weeks. The girl I flipped off. The one who wrote a really awesome book report and hasn’t been back to class to see her grade. The one that reminds me a *lot* of me at that age, down to the same stupid clothes. (Shouldn’t styles have changed by now?!)

I pestered her for about thirty minutes. Turns out she is trying to get into an alternative ed program so that she can actually finish high school next year. Right now she has 50 credits and she should have around 150. Doh. She will be withdrawn from regular classes sometime in the next two or three weeks so she has decided not to bother going anymore anyway. I drove her *nuts*.
“Well, you aren’t withdrawn from class yet. That means you better start coming to class or I am going to start following you around and bugging you all of the time.”
“What is the point? I don’t learn anything in my classes.”
“Excuse me?!!!?!? You don’t learn anything in my class?!?!?!?!!”
“Ok. That’s true. I think I have learned more from you than any other teacher I have had in high school.”
“Ok, that means you will show up to at least my class until you are withdrawn from regular school.”
“Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack. You need to get your ass to my class and get as much from it in the short time we have left together as you can. The stuff I am teaching you will help you in the alternative ed program and in the rest of your life. I am going to be pissed off at you if you waste this time.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. Now are you going to be there on Monday or do I have to drive to your house and drag you by your hair?”
“Fine. I’ll be at your class on Monday. But you can’t make me go to any other class.”
“Ok. Oh, and you have to go to the bookroom and pick up The Great Gatsby and read chapter one by Monday. We are starting a new unit.”
“There is no way.”
“Wanna make a bet? Lets go to the bookroom together right now and get the book. And you will have the first chapter read by Monday or I will make your life hell on earth.”
“I don’t want to go right now. I am in the middle of something.”
“If I don’t drag you right now you won’t go and I want you to go.”
“I’ll go. I promise.”
“I don’t think I should believe you.”
“WHAT?!?! You didn’t just say that.”
“Yes I did. You won’t go if I don’t go with you.”
“Yes I will. But how long is chapter one?”
“Around 25 pages.”
“What?! Ok, I’ll have like 50% read by Monday.”
“That isn’t good enough. You will have the whole thing read by Monday or I will be eating lunch with you and your friends and drive you crazy for a month.”
“Oh my god. You would totally do that. Ok fine. I’ll read it, but you have to bring me cookies. Just me.”
“Excuse me? You expect me to bribe you to get your work done?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Ok fine. I’ll do the reading anyway.”

I finally left her alone.

I’m bringing her cookies. 🙂 She only gets them if she passes the reading quiz though.

waiting

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Waiting is a dangerous thing. I decided to head in hella early this morning instead of cuddling with my baby. I left my house at 6:28. Turns out it was a good thing. As I was smoothly sailing past 101 on 880 there was a traffic announcement of a six car accident, a two car accident, and a three car accident on the freeway at various points along my route. My commute time would have doubled if I would have waited twenty more minutes.

Instead I get to wait around at school. Part of the reason I came in so early was I thought I was going to do a presentation second period. Turns out I wasn’t! Then… another teacher couldn’t do it so the administration was happy to have me around and prepared. Good thing! 🙂

Now I’m waiting on my next period. I am all set and ready to go. I’m also ready for 5th period, provided of course that I can make my stupid laptop work with the projector. *sigh*

It’ll work out. I’m just waiting…

This afternoon I get to go pick up Uncle Bob’s Truck. See, there are trucks and then there are Trucks. This is a Truck. Tonight at home I will be tossing the last of my shit in boxes and dragging boxes down to the garage to make them easier to move tomorrow. I just want this to be done already.

so tired

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I want to fall down.

The seniors did ok. I had one group that sucked. I made a mistake and didn’t put at least one strong student in the group so they just bombed and did jack shit all period. Hey–your grade buddy. Most of the class/groups did a fabulous job. The money stuff was too hard for them, everything else was great. I had a couple of kids try on my corset, mostly boys… It was cool.

Today I need to finish my lesson plans for tomorrow and I should get Monday done as well. I should also finish the last few folder for grading. I have not yet finished grading The Crucible final exam or either of the seniors’ essays. And now I have these packets to grade too. *sigh* That shit is not getting done this weekend. I am not even taking it home. I warned them that I am moving so forget it. Other teachers have told me that they are a month behind on grading so me being a week behind is not a big deal. oy. I hate being behind.

I need to figure out my two weeks of teaching full time. AHHH

I have it on my calendar when I need to sit down and write my next few papers. Heh. Due dates for myself a week before they are do. I just can’t pull all-nighters right now.

I am moving day after tomorrow. I have tonight and tomorrow left of commuting. I was approved for the apartment. yay! busy busy busy.

Puppy plans to go back up to Berkeley Sunday evening, so I will probably try to get some lesson planning done then as well. Tuesday is my big push day though. Tuesday I have to have my lesson plans finished for the rest of these units. Period. That way I will have an easier time when I pick up the two additional preps for two weeks. Thursday and Friday (next week) after school I will be grading. Saturday the 19th is so crazy booked. Sunday is my Puppy Day and it will be sacrosanct, damnit. So I have to be ready for the next week by Friday. This is my commitment to myself. I get upset with him for wasting our time together, that means I can’t do it either.

*gulp*

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My sister decided to create an lj so she can start reading mine. Heh. I didn’t put her on on any of the dirty filters…

*wave*

Hi Sissy! Jenny is around! Uhm…. I think that is the only one you know.

I am a bad person

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I think I was supposed to be at a wedding yesterday and I completely forgot. I can’t use wireless at home so I haven’t been bothering to turn my computer on which means I haven’t looked at my calendar.

I feel really bad. 🙁

To make it less of a horrible thing: I have slept through most of this weekend and I think I am getting sick. 🙁

suckage and annoyance and alright fine some good stuff too.

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So I saw an apartment today in Willow Glen. The location would be ideal. It was really large for a one bedroom apartment–probably more than 600 sq feet. The kitchen was decent the closets rocked. (Clothing closet about 8 ft long with two shelves above and two linen closets.) The downsides are: it is up a very narrow and obnoxious flight of stairs and would suck to move into and they don’t allow cats. That last bit is a deal breaker unfortunately. SUCK

So looks like I am moving into the 500 sq foot apartment that is on Camden not far from Blossom Hill. It is plenty big enough for my needs and they are alright with me keeping Puff. I’m ok with it. It’s about 15 minutes from the school on city streets or 10 minutes on the freeway. I will be content I think.

This will be the first time in my life I have lived completely and totally alone. It’s kind of scary. I will have just Puff and Ted to ward off the boogiemen. I’m feeling kind of pathetic because I have a serious lack of kitchen stuff. Once upon a time I had it, but my brother needed it and I didn’t so I let him have it and he still has it. Oh well. No use crying over spilt milkshake. Hmmmm I should make a milkshake.

My sense of perspective is all fucked up these days. Who lives nearish to San Jose? Who will I start bugging to come over cause I hate being alone?

I can’t waaaaaaaaaaaait until I get to sleep later. My early day is 8:20 and if I live down there I will need to leave my house at 7:30 on that day. Dude. Now I’m leaving my house at 6:30. On Thursdays and Fridays I won’t have to leave until 8:30. God it will be awesome. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I’m very tired and out of it and confuzzled. I want my brain back.

I also want some comments. Show me some love, damnit.