with a truncated friends-list? Less to read. Ya’ll aren’t posting much these days. 🙁 What do I do with my desperate need to procrastinate now?!
I’ve had half a dozen people tell me tonight not to call him. I’m sure that if I talked to anyone else they would do the same thing. I haven’t called him. I want to. I know it would be drama. It would also be a measure of comfort. Cause he wants to talk to me and I want to talk to him and we like each other and all that jazz. Then why did the son of a bitch dump me? And why is he sending me emails that include:
“We had some very good things going for us, the timing was lousy though. I am willing to bet if we had met 3-5 years down the line it would have been different. My greatest fear is running into you later and discovering that you have become the perfect person for me, happily married to someone else. I’m not telling you you have to wait for me ;-p I’m just saying we were doing pretty darn well with a couple of exceptions.”
That sounds so much like he doesn’t really want it to be over. I want to hate him. I wouldn’t be so sad then. 🙁
great minds think alike?
He sounds confused. Like he’s following advice from people that goes contrary with what *he* wants. Like he’s had problems with “broken” (and I think I’m using his term) people before, only sees the bad similarities, and is running away before he “gets hurt more”.
If it were a chick flick, this would be the part of the movie where we have the montage of both of you living your own lives, alone, both of you absolutely depressed, trying to pretend things are “normal”. And you never know for certain exactly how that sort of movie will end.
Let me know what advice you want to hear, and I’ll give it to you. ‘Cause the best I’m coming up with here is “try to concentrate on what you have control over”.
I don’t have control over much and that is what sucks. 🙁 I’m plugging along though.
Honey, it won’t matter if you call him or not, things will be the same as they are with more or less conversation.
He dumped you? And not the reverse? Just checking cause I don’t remember that you were specific.
Maybe he’s regretting. But if he wants to change it he can try. Try harder that is.
The only piece of relationship advice my father ever gave me was this: “Listen to everything they say, not just what you want to hear”.
And no, I’m not giving you advice. I trust you to take care of your own heart. It just helped my mind a bit when my dad told me that. And I kinda wished he had said it sooner. But it didn’t matter. I learned my lessons anyway.
You’re gonna be okay girly. You’re gonna be better. You are.
*smooosh*
I would never dump him. I want him forever. 🙁 I’m trying to listen to what he is saying, the problem is: he is mixing his messages.
Damn mixed messages. Is confusing I know.
~hugs
Buyer’s remorse is when someone makes a decision based on some criterion, but later isn’t completely happy with that decision because of criterion that were left out of the original decision or because the weighting of the original criterion seems to have changed. Like buying a sports car because it’s hot & sexy, then being grumbly about it later because of the lousy gas mileage.
Or breaking up with someone because key factors are working out well enough or easily enough and then later realizing that being alone isn’t easy either.
I think you’re both experiencing some degree of buyer’s remorse. That’s natural since there were parts of your relationship that you both liked. You’ll miss those parts. And there will be a natural grieving process for the lost relationship.
So here’s the “when I was your age” bit. I’ve said those things too, “my timing was lousy”, “I just wasn’t ready then”, “if only we’d met a few years later”, and “I’m really going to hate myself when I learn that you’ve become a fabulous spouse… for someone else”. Thing is… I’ve only said them when I was feeling lonely, unloved, unlovable, and without a future. Those regrets were part of my learning process and part of my grieving process. They helped me identify the aspects that I really did like about my relationship, whether I realized it at the time or not. They helped me rebalance my life priorities in order to appreciate my next relationship with a different level of respect.
If only, if only, if only. But I didn’t. And there was a reason at the time why I didn’t. Sometimes I forget that, but really, there was a reason. Sometimes it’s as simple as ignorance, or didn’t reconize what I had, or didn’t express that recognition appropriately, or, occasionally, being ashamed of why I enjoyed the relationship in the first place. But when I remember all of the criterion that went into those decisions, and the things I knew at those times, I generally realize that they were what I needed to do then. That I learned from them. And that the things I learned are the important bits, the bits I’ll take with me going forward, and the things I can look forward to in my future.
That is… on good days. :-).
*hug*
I haven’t had a good day yet.