I am getting so sick. My throat is about to give out on me altogether. I am tired of my stomach hurting. I have started eating even though it makes my stomach hurt so bad that sometimes I throw up. I am tired of having a fever and just generally feeling like shit run over by a semi. I want Puppy. I want him so much I physically ache with missing him. He wants to see me and I know I should say no but it is so hard. He is the only one I really want. I want to curl up in his lap and cry and cry and cry while he strokes my hair. And for some strange reason despite being totally depressed and feeling like shit, my libido kicked in about two days ago and the want of sex is starting to hurt. I am terribly spoiled.

I want him. I want him. I want him. I miss him. I love him. It’s been two weeks and I still feel like I just want to slash myself open. It is very hard to not cut. I know that right now I want to punish myself for not being enough for him. I know that is bad–don’t bother to tell me. I still feel that way. I want to not hurt anymore. I don’t know if seeing him will make it worse or better. God I hate this.