AWAKE!!!!!!! I am awake. Like, very awake. Like… ready to bounce off the walls… But I am still in bed cause it is warm here. It is also way too early. I fell asleep at 11 last night cause that is as late as I could keep my eyes open and I woke up at 7:30. This would be great only my body thinks it was 8-4:30. Cause I know this doesn’t feel like 7:30 to me.
I spent lots of time yesterday with my Julia. It was lovely and fabulous. We got to talk how we haven’t been able to talk in person in a very long time. Have I mentioned that I have really missed her? She challenges me in all sorts of good ways. We talked about what we each want out of life. Talking with her about that feels different than it does with most people. I feel like I am talking to someone who has dealt with the same shit, so is coming from the same starting place. I don’t know if it is awful of me, but I get kind of pissy when I talk to people who have had life very easy who want to talk to me about where my goals are. Fuck you. Don’t tell me what I should be striving for. I’m really kind of awful like that. Julia can question me; she has the life experience to do so.
I had a weird dream about running away to home early. I got on a bus because I *just had to leave*. Which I can’t imagine because I feel more comfortable here than I have on a vacation in a very long time. I used to feel this comfortable at Max’s house in Seattle. Other than that… I can’t remember feeling this comfortable outside my home. I’m willing to bet that right now it has to do with the fact that I might as well be here because I don’t feel super comfortable at home yet anyway.
Still up in the air as far as NYE goes. I have several options. I can get into Debaucherama free cause I won the slut contest last year–but I really don’t think I want to go. I can go to a birthday party where I will sort of know the birthday girl and her partner and no one else. I think my current plan is to go to a party that a bunch of college friends host every year… but I didn’t go to college with them. I will know about four people at that one. Although I have met most of the people there a few times cause I have been dropping in on this party for years, I just normally only spend a little bit of time there.
I started rambling about sex. So I’ll close this entry and start one behind a different filter…
Assuming you’re talking about me, there’s a fairly good chance jkuroda and mzmntlion will be there – though I don’t know, since I haven’t confirmed with either of them. Also it’s a tiny tiny world and you may know other random people, but that’s unpredictable.
It’s unpredictable and scary. I know that if I didn’t know anyone I would leave early and feel really icki. I’m really nervous about having that happen on NYE. Partially because I think driving that night would be a horrid idea. Partially because I think that going home on NYE to cry would be really horrible emotionally.
You can always fall back on the FNW event. Dancing (including polkas), people you know, people who won’t necessarily be hitting on you, and a lovely location.
Better more choices than fewer.
I have too many good options that are closer…