I still haven’t decided what I want to do about my masters. If I actually go for broke and try to finish in one semester I am going to want to commit suicide by mid way through and that is probably not worth it. I have to take three classes, but the fourth one would be brutal.

Poetic Craft and Theory (I desperately need this class…) Two anthologies, a guidebook on research papers, another criticism book, and three more poetry books. I bet the reading is going to be like 4 hours a week and will likely require 20-30 pages of writing throughout the semester. Class desctiption reads: ”

We’ll begin the semester with Mary Oliver’s A Poetry Handbook as a review of the basic elements of poetry, and then proceed to a quick survey of the overall evolution of poetic styles from medieval to modern times. The central focus of the seminar thereafter will be on the theories of “New Criticism” and the application of those theories to lyric poetry, with particular attention to the sonnet as a genre. We’ll study critical works by Cleanth Brooks and I. A. Richards, and the sonnets of Shakespeare, Donne, Wordsworth, E. B. Browning,
John Berryman, and Vikram Seth, in addition to selected critical works and poems by other writers as well. The aim of the course will not be to give the student an exhaustive knowledge of the sonnet as such, but more generally to challenge his or her analytical skills, at the same time developing the student’s sense of historical perspective and critical acumen in dealing with poetry as an art form.

”
Hell, this will help me this year as I am trying to figure out what to teach in my poetry unit. 🙂 (Mon 4-7)

History of Rhetoric has only two texts: Classical Rhetoric for the Modern Student and a book on how to teach the stuff. The class description reads: ”

The course will introduce the student to the theory and practice of composition teaching, from a survey of classical rhetoric (and its concern with persuasion, arrangement, audience, levels of style, and so on), to more recent work in the writing field (with its interest in issues like the process-versus-product debate, writing as discovery, and the student-centered classroom, gender studies, and computer-aided instruction). In becoming more familiar with the lore of writing instruction, you will learn about prewriting,
sentence and paragraph instruction, revision techniques, evaluating student writing, designing courses, selecting texts, and miscellaneous other activities involved with writing and the teaching of writing. Texts: Corbett, Classical Rhetoric for the Modern Student; Murray, Learning By Teaching.

”
This one sounds incredibly practical for me. I’m really interested in this one. (Mon 7-10)

And really the only other option that sounds good for me is: Period Studies in American Literature which is described as, ”

Readings in seven major American Romantics: Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, Edgar Poe, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Herman Melville. Non-fiction prose, poetry, and short stories. No novels. Research paper. Oral presentations, handouts, and several two-page essays.

”
The whole “I have to teach American literature despite the fact that I don’t know that much about it…” problem would be helped by this. Although I know more about the American Romantic period than any other period in American lit.

There isn’t another class that sounds like it would particularly help me so I would be taking a class just to fill in a box on a form and that isn’t actually a good reason. 🙁 I’m still somewhat nervous about the comp exams and the fact that right now I would have to take them both this coming semester and I have one shot at passing them. I also don’t have the language requirement completed so I would be hammered trying to take the exam because I have not had enough practice lately.

Additionally: my lease isn’t over until November and I am not sure I want to stay here for all of next school year.

Ok, potential plan: take the three classes this semester that I am interested in and retain my sanity and potentially even my love of learning; don’t get so burnt out that I quit. Try to take both of the comp exams this semester but if I start freaking out only worry about one. Teach summer school and take the first semester of second year Spanish over the summer. In the fall substitute teach while I take second semester Spanish and either one or two grad classes as I think will help me the most. Complete the comp exams if I haven’t yet. Take one extra month in this apartment to get me through December and then leave.

Food for thought: If I substitute teach 9 days a month I make as much as I am making right now. Isn’t that kind of pathetic?!

Where am I going to go though? I really think I should take off and travel for a while. I almost desperately want to. I want to see South America and Asia. I would love to see more of Europe. I am saving money every month on my piddly ass salary. If I substituded more like 15 days a month I could double what I am putting in savings. I have looked into the kind of traveling I want to do and depending on where I am (and the cost of lodging) I may be able to do the traveling on what I get monthly without touching savings or just dip into it by $100-ish per month. Granted, this is not cushy travel or anything–but I don’t need that.

I really think that if I took a semester off and really left my life it would help me figure out a lot of stuff. I am so locked in set patterns and I just don’t know how to break them given where I am sitting right now. It would also remove me from my obsessive search for a partner. It’s hard to look for that when you are on the move. The only part of it that gives me reservation is that my pattern for dealing with stress is often to run away. I kind of think that if I do take off like this I have to commit to coming back here when it is over so that I can actually deal with my life and my shit and not just be running away from it forever. Taking a break is ok, running away isn’t.

Who the fuck am I? What do I actually want? I don’t think I know, but finding out is going to be interesting.