If I’m honest with myself…

”

What Are the Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings—from overly “high” and/or
irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, often with periods of normal
mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these
changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of
mania and depression.

Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:

• Increased energy, activity, and restlessness Yup.
• Excessively “high,” overly good, euphoric mood Yup
• Extreme irritability
• Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
• Distractibility, can’t concentrate well Yup
• Little sleep needed Yup
• Unrealistic beliefs in one’s abilities and powers Yup
• Poor judgment Yup
• Spending sprees Not really, but god I want to.
• A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
• Increased sexual drive Fucking yes.
• Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications If I want to fall asleep at a semi-reasonable hour then I take sleeping pills. I haven’t been drinking much on purpose though. No cocaine.
• Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior Yup
• Denial that anything is wrong

I don’t know if anything is wrong that I could potentially be denying.

A manic episode is diagnosed if elevated mood occurs with three or more of
the other symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for 1 week or longer. If
the mood is irritable, four additional symptoms must be present.

”

I’m having a lot of trouble concentrating at work. I know my increased sexual activity is not entirely healthy. I don’t know what healthy is though.

I want to stop fucking up and I’m not sure how to.