Ok, so I’m only going to tell some strange little snippets and not give any actual incriminating details.
I am deeply grateful for the people in my life who tolerate that I run hot/cold. Thank you for allowing me to come and go in your lives and continuing to love me even though I am a serious pain in the ass.
I am learning how to go to a party and find play. It is still very hard and very scary, but I am getting better at actualizing what I want.
I miss spending time with my female friends in the bdsm/sex positive communities and I am going to look at my schedule in the next month and make sure that for every two dates I have with boys I have at least one date with a friend so that my life isn’t just about getting laid. I think that is part of why I burnt out so hard a year ago and was ok with running away. Friendships last longer than lovers do usually. I need to go back to my friendships. 🙂
There are some very cool people who have shown up in the scene in the last couple of years and I need to check my assumptions at the door when it comes to talking to them.
I need to have at least one completely vanilla/non-sexual event at least every two weeks. The scene is great, but burn out sucks.
My therapist has recommended that I put some sort of boundaries up around waiting to have sex with people. We discussed the fact that I tend to either think of someone as potentially “serious” and not sleep with them for a while or I think of them more or less as a trick and they don’t last very long (usually three months is around the limit). I don’t know why I do this, but it is how things work out. She asks if I have ever broken this paradigm. Certainly I have not slept with people ever/not had a relationship work out even when I have waited a while but fsvo serious I have not had relationships go on for a long time if I sleep with them immidiately. It kind of seems like starting to deliberately not sleep with people in the first couple of dates would be a good idea. Not sure about this one though.
I have met some remarkably interesting people lately. I am certainly going to enjoy getting to know people more. Yay for flirtations.
In therapy we also discussed that she doesn’t think my behavior is manic at all. She says I’m happy. It’s kind of an odd thought. People who are happy feel this good? This is just “happiness”? Wow. I guess I have always been rather depressed then…
It kind of seems like starting to deliberately not sleep with people in the first couple of dates would be a good idea. Not sure about this one though.
Perhaps you can just start with “Not assuming you’ll be sleeping with someone in the first couple of dates.” Not necessarily ruling it out, but letting the default be “not”.
Small steps.
And, in the meantime, hooray for all the positive movement in your life.
Yeah, I don’t like limits in either direction really.
Yay, happiness! The German term is “glücklich”- means “happy” and “lucky.” Coincidence? I think not.
I like knowing smart people. 🙂
I need to have at least one completely vanilla/non-sexual event at least every two weeks. The scene is great, but burn out sucks.
Well…it’s not *completely* vanilla…*but as it pertains to our relationship…it could be…*
How, O’ how can I schedule a visit to you for a weekend!
Do you have a cat?
I do have a cat. 🙁
She is low dander and most people with allergies don’t have a problem with her but I’m not sure I would risk bringing you into any possible danger situation.
There might be options for both of us going and crashing at a friends house where there are no cats, but that would take a bit more planning.
Whole weekends are hard to get, but I could probably figure out something most of the time in March. February has something in each weekend already. it’s crazy.
I need to have at least one completely vanilla/non-sexual event at least every two weeks. The scene is great, but burn out sucks.
I’m not sure whether dance counts as “completely vanilla/non-sexual” for you, but the PA FNW is timed quite nicely for your needs.
If I actually *post* this I will feel constrained to follow it…
I am looking at: Pryankster practice on: Feb 8, and 22nd. FNW on: Feb 10 (maybe) and definately 17th.
That’s all I’m commiting to for this month. And Plough is totally out cause I ended up having to take the Monday night class.
Now you can hold me to this… 😉