Hopefully the server load is smaller now.
Note about the Nohari: yes, I do want to see this. No, I will not get mad at anyone for what they choose (if they choose to do it). If my feelings are hurt that is something that I need to think about. What am I getting out of what people see in me? That’s about me not about you being bad/awful/wrong/whatever. 🙂
I love my friends.
Snuggles rock!
Today I am seriously pissed off that attractiveness is so strongly linked to weight.
No no no not that V-day crap.
Half-Off Heart Shaped Candy day.
Part one: Go to the store on the 15th and buy heart shaped candy half off.
Part two: Raucous and lusty masturbation.
Who’s with me?
Yesterday was a very productive therapy session. Lots of looking at shit and why things work out the way they do for me. I really want to talk about it and it is all very disorganized in my head. I want to curl up in bed and talk to someone about all the ways in which I am crazy and there is no one to do that with.
Today isn’t so fun.
http://marnanel.org/joule is a great website for those of you who don’t know about it yet. It tells you who has friended/unfriended you and when. I don’t keep super close track of who does what when but it is cool every now and then to look and find out that a guy I haven’t talked to in probably 6 or more years has friended me in the last week. 🙂
Last night a comment was made that I haven’t been as obsessed with sex in the last few weeks/entries something like that. I couldn’t tell if it was just an observation or a complaint. 😉
Dancing is so wonderful. Everytime I come dancing after any sort of break I remember why I love it so much and I wonder why I stop going at all… Last night involved some lovely flirting. It is always interesting to flirt when it isn’t likely to go anywhere. The entire vibe is different.
I spent a little over an hour last night standing outside the parking garage talking with my poetry prof. (THANK YOU PETER!!!!!!!) I am going to go in next week and talk to him for an hour or so before class.
He is going to help me figure out what book I should read to do the paper for my Cal Lit incomplete. He understands the issue with that prof and was incredibly sympathetic. Guess it isn’t just me that she is a total bitch to.
He is going to bring me information on poetry for my own students as well as talk with me more in depth about the ones I need to know for the comp exams in April
He is going to go over a few novels with me to make sure I am all set for the rest of the comp exams.
Have I mentioned that I have been totally psyching myself out and I have been freaked out about the comp exams? I have been thinking that there would be no way for me to pass because I haven’t read enough novels and I certainly don’t know enough about poetry.
YAY!!!! He is also being encouraging of me writing in general but that is a generic English person thing to do. I am so glad that Peter convinced me to take this poetry class instead of the other one.
I had a weird/pissy exchange with a Pryankster tonight. It resulted in me being sulky for most of the rest of the night. Right before I left we talked a bit about what happened and how we can avoid both of us getting nasty again in the future and basically kissed and made up.
But I still feel all icki inside. I want to cry. I feel very lonely. I don’t know why it hit me so hard. What was so damn triggering about it? We were poking at each other and then he slapped my arm really hard. There is still a faint hand print almost four hours later. When I reacted in a displeased way he said I deserved it. He had started the poking though and I thought it was playing. I feel very rejected and punished for playing. I don’t like this feeling at all. And now I’m crying.
I’m really just not happy right now. And I get to go climb into my bed by myself. 🙁 I want snuggles and I can’t have them. Today, living alone sucks.
Is anyone going up to FNW from the south bay this week?
And my plans for Saturday consist of being a little girl all afternoon and then maybe SFSI, but I’m open to better suggestions.
In the spirit of “Oh baby give me a better offer” I’m screening all replies…
This is also a good time to just tell me something generically dirty and/or fun. 😉
lj is just bloody convenient for some things.
Would it be possible for a Pryankster person to share the schedule of events with me? I would really like to know what is happening when with a bit more advance notice than the list gives us. I didn’t have writing implements with me on Saturday…
Tentative dates for visiting with lovely people and general travel:
February 25-26 Hikers Hut with some high school friends. I’m pretty terrified about this one…
March 24-26 Portland!! I’m going to Kinkfest baybee. This is set cause I have plane tickets and all. 🙂
April 7-9 Eureka. I would drive up early on Friday and home on Sunday. (Would any random people like to go see anyone up there and we could carpool? ribbin you could go see your bro!) If not that weekend the next weekend the 14-16?
May 19-21 Disneyland. I am going to go back and I would love it if other people would come with. 🙂
May 26-28 Chicago for Shibaricon. 🙂
Sometime June 11-30ish I want to go on a backpacking trip. I am really interested in finding people to come with me! I am going to block out this time for that kind of trip whether anyone comes with or not, but it would be far more fun to have friends.
And if I get the job next year at ST I will not be going to Europe in January for a long stretch so I am going to pick a country and go there late July/early August. I am going to shoot for missing faire if possible. I am going to try and find someplace not scorchingly hot as well.
And given that I plan to spend as much of the year at faire as I can… I’m not going to be around much on weekends this year at all. I need to get my ass in gear sewing costumes. Any ideas for patterns that I should buy would be very very welcome. I would also like to come up to Davis sometime in the next month or two and have some down-time with the people I love so much up there.
I could potentially go up to Davis on the 19th of February (Sunday) and come back Monday during the day. Or the 18/19 of March… What do ya’ll think?
Happy.
Tired.
This weekend I had many opportunities to spend time with some people who rock my world. I would name the Pryanksters who make me feel loved and treasured but it would take a long time and I have to get grading done. I am so happy that I have already made the decision that I will be doing Pryanksters this year. Even Guild Mistress took a moment to stop and tell me that she was happy to have me back. I feel really really welcome and it’s a great feeling.
I got to spend time with some lovely burners and they rocked my world in more ways than one.
Therapy is going well. I’m starting to get into some stuff that is really really really hard for me and… that’s hard for me to do. So I’m glad I’m getting there. If I leave therapy feeling scared and somewhat wounded it means I actually found something important. I’m really happy that I am getting there.
I got to see some pervs who let me know repeatedly that they are happy to have me in their lives.
And I got some lovely, delicious down time. I watched three movies this weekend: Dracula (I need to see it this semester for a class), Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, and Adaptation. I really loved Eternal. It got me to thinking about the concept of second chances. Where and with whom would I want to try again? I had a pretty difficult conversation with someone about that topic. I think I hurt the person. I was telling my truth though and to not tell it… well… I suppose I could have dealt with that. But I didn’t. I said what was in my heart and my mind and I am glad that I am at least being honest with myself. Even if I can’t admit that I want the second chance to the person in question. Really, I’m not as brave as people think I am.
But I’m working towards being a better me. It seems to be a theme lately with some of the women I respect the most: boxofchaos, barelyproper, labelleizzy we will get to where we want to be. I have faith in us.
House. Must. Be. Clean.
I have a hot date on Tuesday. You know, with one of those people that actually get to come to my apartment. He might stay…
Must. Clean.
Ack!
But he’s really awesome….
What do I like from your writing? Comment here and I’ll tell you.
And
don’t forget to post this in your own journal!
Post if you want to. 🙂