Sometimes it feels as if being a woman is synonymous with feeling fear.
Last night as I was walking from class to my car a couple of Mexican guys pulled over next to me and asked me for directions to 3rd street. Uh, straight ahead of you. Then they offered me a ride. They were really pushy and aggressive. I felt my adrenaline start pumping. I had this really awful moment where I wondered if I would be able to outrun them if necessary. I walked fast and ignored their comments. I got into the parking garage and bolted up the stairs.
I hate that I feel so powerless sometimes. I hate that I feel like being female is enough to make me a target. The funniest part is: I never get harassed like that when I dress like a slut. Instead it happens when I am wearing frumpy jeans and a big baggy sweat shirt and sneakers and my hair is up in a very boring bun.
There are moments when this amorphous category of “men” is not a happy thing. I have so many wonderful guys in my life as individuals who are not scary, but “men” are.
*hug* I’m out the door to therapy right now, but I do have a lot of thoughts to add here, I’ll catch up with you soon.
*hug*
If that had happened to me, *I* would have been spooked.
Of course, since I’m a Man, it is unlikely that it would happen to me.
(Unrelated: I like the bun. It’s cute.)
*I have been having some of the same thoughts…*
I hate these thoughts. 🙁
here is what happend to me on Saturday night…
I went to a house-party by myself, I only barely knew one person…but that was okay, I felt safe.
There was this guy that was double my size at least…*a nice guy…a little intoxicated though…*I was out on the dance floor dancing by myself as is my custom…and he kept trying to dance with me…I would indulge, conservativly…then back away to be by myself again…*but he kept at it…His size overpowered me and I left the dance floor at least 5 times because of it…*
I’m sure that he is a nice person, but unaware of his impact on my personal space…*I didn’t want to make a scene, new girl at the party and all…*so I let it go…
But, damn it!! I just want to dance…alone. with lots of sweaty people around me…*giggles…*
In situations like that I am more likely to make a scene. I get scared when I am alone on a street late at night with no one to back me up. I believe that inherently most crowds of people will be supportive, but when I have no one around…
Just me versus two guys is really scary.
I suck.
I don’t mean to diminish your experience honey. Everyone gets to have their own set of feelings about stuff.
We all have triggers and hot buttons and mine are no better/worse than anyone else’s.
*hugs*
I’m so sorry love.
yeah
I feel the same way sometimes. I hate it. I hate that because I have tits, I can be made to feel this way. I shouldn’t be scared to walk around, you know?
Re: yeah
And there is no bubble that we can really live in.
hugs
I know what you mean. *hugs* I try SOOOOOO hard to fight against it and be strong and confident, but at the same time, I know there is something that makes me vulnerable in a way that a man is not. Grrr. Rawr.
RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
did you see Les’s post?
http://tenacious-snail.livejournal.com/230972.html?
WARNING: Could be triggery, was for me, but if you just read the bit before the cut-tag it shouldn’t be too bad…
and as far as the jeans and sweat shirt thing go- gals who are dressed up and look hot KNOW they do – they feel confident… I think we give off a different vibe when we dress frumpy. Me, I know I feel less confident, then.
which sucks.
and yeah, “man” is great, “men” as a species, I dunno.
I hate the feeling powerless thing too. I continue to work on it.
I think about this a lot because it happens a lot. I can’t sit in certain seats on the Bart because 70 % of the time when I do, some obnoxious fuck sits next to me since I look harmless and easy to harm. Every time I don’t think it will happen and I sit on the inside of the Bart seats on a sparsely populated train it happens. Once while sitting in the back of the train a man with pink spandex mini shorts and a hard on decided I was the one to sit next to. I get asked why I don’t wear short skirts out… the reason is because I get harassed with awful comments, even when they are just below mid-thigh short. Once when I was feeling good and looked super dyke like, these guys pulled up next to me as I was walking and shouted “nice bounce!” referring to my breasts. Sometimes I think they do it just to make you feel shitty when you are having a good day.