Monthly Archives: April 2006

Just breathe

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I went and saw my favorite professor today (Thank you for the pointer Peter; my graduate experienced has been enhanced by meeting him–before now I haven’t seriously liked anyone in the department.) and he convinced me to stop stressing over my exams. We talked about what sources I feel very comfortable with and how to approach the exam. Maybe I’m not an idiot. 🙂 He certainly thinks I am extremely bright.

I am finally back on the network and able to use the printer at school. Not having this access has been a nightmare. Major YAY for the day there.

My kids are limping along through the poetry unit. I have started keeping 2-3 of the quiet kids after class every day to ask them how they are understanding stuff in class and what would help them more. I’m getting really good feedback. The loud ones are still whining, but they just do that. 😉 So I’m feeling pretty good about that whole situation.
scheduling babble

Today

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Today I graded 100 papers. *woof*

Today I broke down and wrote something nasty about a friend because I am so angry. I don’t like it when I do that.

Today I had really good, cheap pad thai with no shrimp.

Today I had to go fill out the paperwork for my Victims of Crime benefits for the third time. When I left the office I broke down crying and couldn’t drive for a few minutes. I called my therapist and left a tearful message because I couldn’t think of anyone to call. That was really hard.

Today I attended a group meeting and did more than my share of the work and demonstrated to myself one more time why I hate group work.

Today I feel weak and ineffective and not very smart.

Today I have spent a lot of time thinking about how stupid I feel and how I don’t know that I even deserve to get a Masters degree. I certainly haven’t done enough to earn it.

Today is suicide Tuesday. I need to remind myself of that. This too shall pass. I will be ok. It’s just suicide Tuesday. I’m not stupid. I’m not useless. I’m not pathetic.

It just really feels like it.

{school babble} Irritation.

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Friday is a god damn rally. Monday is a fucking minimum day. Tuesday and Wednesday are the fucking Star tests. Why in the hell wasn’t I told more than a week in advance that they are shortening my days and eliminating minutes for almost a week?

When in the motherfuck am I supposed to be teaching exactly?