When this song ended this morning the DJ said, “That is just a horrible song and I hope no one ever actually does that.” But… I have…
Miss me baby
When you hear our favorite song
Miss me baby
And when you start to sing along
Think about all the times that we danced
In the light to it all night long, oh
Then miss me baby
There are songs I associate with people pretty strongly. “I could never be your woman” was one that Stephen used to sing to me. It was always awful and terrible and yet so true about our relationship. He would dance around me and tease me with it. And Tom and I both liked, “Follow Me” which is all about cheating and how the people couldn’t really stay together. It is extremely appropriate that neither of these relationships lasted I think. Quite some time after we broke up Noah told me that he associated the song “Every day love” with me and even before he asked me to try again I would think of him when I heard the song. It made me sad that I couldn’t have it. But then I got it.
And want me honey
Like you did the night you told me that you loved me
We couldn’t wait anymore, left the keys in the door
Took my hand, pulled me down on the kitchen floor
Yeah, we were that crazy
Miss me baby
I never got over wanting Noah. Enough that it was inappropriate and I would have a hard time behaving as I should at events. How do you stop wanting someone this much?
Because when he’s holding you
Know that it’s killing me
Let my memory be the reason girl
That you can’t sleep
And every time you feel his touch
I pray to God it’s not enough
And that I’ve touched your heart so deep
Girl you can’t shake me
‘Cause I love you, yes I need you
Miss me baby
It’s kind of funny that Puppy and then later a more casual guy and I talked about how I wasn’t over Noah. After watching the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” on a date the guy told me that the girl reminded him of me. He was trying to be romantic and shit by telling me that I am batshit crazy of course, but all I could think was, “I want another chance.”
Miss me baby
Until you can’t take it no more
Miss me baby
Pack your bags and hit the door
I admit, I was wrong, forgive me
Come back home, I’ll be waiting, right here waiting
Miss me baby
We didn’t wait. Neither of us are good at waiting. So instead we hurt people. That part really sucks. How can you always make the right choices without ever hurting someone?
Because when he’s holding you
Know that it’s killing me
Let my memory be the reason girl
That you can’t sleep
And every time you feel his touch
I pray to God it’s not enough
And that I’ve touched your heart so deep
Girl you can’t shake me
‘Cause I love you, yes I love you
Miss me baby
It’s awful and not very poly of me but it does bother me when he is with someone else. I want to be the Most Amazing Partner Ever. Not for everyone, just for him.
And every time you feel his touch
I pray to God it’s not enough
And that I’ve touched your heart so deep
Girl you can’t shake me
‘Cause I love you, yes I need you
Miss me baby
Now I don’t have to worry about him leaving or losing him or… yeah. I know that marriages aren’t exactly a 100% proposition, but he isn’t going to leave me without trying his very hardest. He made a promise to me that figuring things out with me is something he isn’t going to give up on. Maybe for once I get to trust someone.
Every time you hear this song
Miss me baby
I don’t have to miss him anymore. But I do think of him when I hear the song.
How can you always make the right choices without ever hurting someone?
You can’t. I look back at the times I’ve hurt people in the past sometimes and say “I wish I had done that differently” but then I remember that I didn’t learn the things I know now until AFTER I hurt them… sometimes because of hurting them. So… yeah.
“It’s awful and not very poly of me but it does bother me when he is with someone else. I want to be the Most Amazing Partner Ever. Not for everyone, just for him.”
I don’t think you’re alone in that sentiment.
I can deal with each of us seeing others; I can get uncomfortable with him seeing others UNLESS:
I know that Terpsichoros prefers me, will be excited to see me again…
How do you stop wanting someone this much?
I don’t think that’s ever a conscious choice. If it were, I know a couple of break-ups I’ve gone through where being able to make that choice with a whole will would have sped up the process of healing and moving on. I think it involves giving up and letting go my hopes of the relationship happening again. That’s something I’ve certainly wished I could do before I was ready to do it, and I’ve never figured out a way of making that fall into place more quickly.
That part really sucks. How can you always make the right choices without ever hurting someone?
“And tomorrow, when I’m god….”
Seriously. It doesn’t work that way. When Padrov and I broke up, I couldn’t accept it. It was a total shock. And then to find out that he was lying to me (“for your own good” — how fucking paternalistic was that?)…. It shattered everything I thought I knew about him. Even now, I think we could have been good together at a different, earlier time in his life. But he’s happy in his new life with his other partner and I don’t begrudge him that or that perhaps he was making the right choice at the time of our break-up. But I still can’t speak to him easily, or her, although ironically it’s easier to talk to her alone than to him. And most of all, I don’t begrudge him his happiness, but I still wish with every fiber of my being that his path to it had not come through a relationship with me. Six years of friendship destroyed in the blink of an eye, an entire year of school on the rocks, and another four years before I could even begin to commit to another relationship, and for what? Nine months of one of the most intense relationships in my life. And yet I still agree with him that the break-up was the right choice for him.
Making the right choice in a situation gone wrong is going to hurt someone. The question then becomes who, how badly, and how will they best heal. And hopefully everyone learns how to make the decisions that would prevent that wrong situation from happening again.