I cried the entire way to school. I cried so hard that technically I shouldn’t have been driving as there were minutes at a time when I couldn’t really see. And I got to school to receive a nasty email from a parent telling me that I have to give her more information. I can’t do everything that is wanted of me right now. I can’t.

All I want to do right now is self-mutilate. But that is one of the things I am not supposed to do. I want to do other various self harming things. I’m not supposed to. So I decided that I wouldn’t eat today. No one has told me I am not allowed to do that. It’ll hurt. It will make me feel physically as shitty as I do emotionally. But if I do that then I can’t do my job at all. And that isn’t allowed.

I’m going to break. I don’t know what is going to completely go, I don’t know how I am going to collapse and fail, but I am going to. I feel it.

It doesn’t seem like I am allowed to have a good day. Right now I feel so overwhelmed and helpless that I really want to do some serious self-harm. I don’t see how this is going to be a good day or a good night.