Last night I cried the whole way home from work. Not from work stress and certainly not from any stress having to do with Noah. I was thinking about my family. When I got home I went into our bedroom and wrote a long letter to them. I don’t think I will send it until Mercury is no longer in retrograde though.

Thinking about it, I haven’t been properly attributing a lot of my upset lately. I’ve been feeling insecure about some of the poly stuff with Noah but I don’t think that is actually it. I’m hurting because of how my family treats me and that is trickling into everything else right now. I have every reason in the world to be secure in my relationship. I’ve also been looking back on archive stuff I wrote when I was with Tom. Holy crap. Wow that relationship was massively broken. I’ve been thinking about this because lately my memories have been very whitewashed. I tend to hold on to good memories and forget bad things. Tom only seemed so good because he was so much better than anything I had before that, but that doesn’t mean our relationship was actually “good.”

Wow. It is hard to believe how much better my life is now. And I am actually happier than I have been before. And realistically my life is going to keep getting better. Wow.

I am so lucky. I have the most amazing friends and the best husband ever. Ok, so I still feel unhappy about my family–but I have to keep that in perspective and not let it affect my perceptions of my life as a whole. Cause boy howdy my life rocks.