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Schmoop has begun
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Monthly Archives: January 2007
Uhm… how did I get talked into this?
Looks like I am teaching self-bondage for Janus on the 20th of February. Ah shit. What am I going to present?!
Not such an inspirational day.
Some days I allow myself to get too upset about the racism and hopelessness of my 2nd period. I get really tired of them telling me how they have nothing to look forward to other than a career in drug dealing. I get so angry.
This was a bad day to end up subbing on my prep.
Not enough sleep… again.
And as a result, this morning… I just have to piss on some peoples Cheerios. Sorry. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
The state of the school system.
I just sat through a meeting where it was decided that we are going to stop teaching novels to freshmen and sophmores because they need to spend more time focusing on multiple choice questions for the monsterous standardized tests they have to take throughout high school.
They are still debating whether it is worthwhile to teach novels to juniors and seniors. If you have children, I would like you to stop and think for a moment about how you want them taught. Do you really want your kids to only learn how to regurgitate someone elses opinion?
A most exciting weekend.
Friday:
Nickels are good.
In bed by 8 = I’m very unexciting.
Saturday:
Therapy was very interesting.
Migraines suck.
Sunday:
Old baggage is very inconvenient.
Errands mostly accomplished.
Many pennies.
Quote of the day
A coworker and I were complaining about how our kids have never heard about Oedipus. I said that of course they haven’t, they are too busy thinking about videogames.
“Oh! They should totally make an Oedipus game for the Xbox!! That would be so cool!”
I left the room. That was just plain wrong.
Planning…
We realized that we have no plans at all on Saturday or Sunday. We are not necessarily looking to be heavily booked, but if anyone has any ideas of events or just a hangout session that you think might be tempting… comment. 🙂
Comments are screened.
Irritation rules the morning.
Noah is having yet more trouble with his motorcycle so he is borrowing the car. This means that he dropped me off this morning before setting off to work. I realized about two minutes after getting out of the car and seeing him drive away that I didn’t have my 2-3 minutes to collect myself and get my stuff in order before I got out of the car so I left my badge and my keys. FUCK. This means I have to go through another classroom to get into my room in the first place and I will have to leave my door open all day despite the freakin cold in the morning. *sigh* So my classroom will be below 50 degrees through most of 2nd period. Awesome. It also means I can’t get into the bathroom because they all require keys. Ok, so my buddy next door will let me borrow his key most of the day, but I am going to be sitting here until 6 pm because Noah needs to catch up on work. No one else will be here much past 4 so I hope I don’t have to go to the bathroom during that time period. *sigh*
And we are going to a class tonight so I’m not going to get to bed at a reasonable time and I am likely to have this cranky extend to tomorrow too. Did I mention that I am on day two of being in a really bad mood? Poor kids. 🙁
{my shit} roller coaster of therapy
For a variety of reasons I have had therapy with different people on: Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, and I have an appointment for today. I am feeling very very overwhelmed and I think today is going to consist of me telling this (new) person today that I am not going to be continuing to see her.
Short explanation: I was handed off from one person at the Y to another and I am not happy about it because it happened without my permission or even knowledge. 🙁 We have shopped around for a therapist to see together because we are running into a couple of walls and seeing those new people has resulted in a vast overload of processing and I’m feeling very very burnt out and drained. No more processing. 🙁
{school} successful
Today my students are reading Aristotle. And they are explaining his theories to me.
Today, today I feel like a good teacher.
Looking for grateful
*deep breath*
It was… quite a weekend. Lots of that processing shit, but a few large break throughs which really rocked.
Those of you who told me why you respect/love me–thank you. I keep rereading them and just knowing that you cared enough to respond is so awesome.
I still have the best husband ever. He is so incredibly supportive of my crazy that it just isn’t even funny. I win.
I have an upcoming visit with one of my very favorite Bostonians. YAY! It will be happening right on the heels of… my first ever trip to Vegas. I expect much fun and silliness and amazing as we are seeing Cirque (several shows) and Blue Man Group. 🙂 How is that for a Valentine’s present? 🙂
Stuff is still being hard, but I’m trying really hard to stop and see the wonderful in my life. I really am incredibly lucky.
{my shit} mommy called
I called my mother and left her messages yesterday and this morning. She called me back tonight.
My mommy forgives me. My mommy told me that none of it was my fault–I was a little girl and I did nothing that needs to be forgiven. We talked about the things I feel so guilty for and she told me more about what was happening and stressed that none of it was my fault.
My mommy forgives me.
{my shit} Therapy homework.
It is interesting to me as I sit here dispassionately looking at the many escapist ways I have of not getting to thinking about what I don’t want to think about. I hyper-notice the cleaning that NEEDS to happen (emphasis added to explain degree of obsession), and I need to go eat. Cleaning house was always one of the few things I could do to make my mother happy. I am also back to a feeling I haven’t had in a long while. When I am completely overwhelmed by my emotional state I cannot eat enough food to make me feel food. My stomach aches with hunger even after consuming a decent sized meal. Given how much of my life I have spent feeling this way I must stop and realize that I actually have a decently quick metabolism. Hm. But I am babbling because I want to procrastinate. I need to stop, but I really don’t want to do this.
Oh, this is going to be one of the few times I really ramble on and on as if this is a paper journal just for me. I don’t blame you if you don’t want to follow my ramblings and ickiness. And just to prove how much you really don’t need to read it: Here. It’s not even on your screen.
Blatant (and perhaps childish) request for ego stroking
I’m having one of those “I don’t much like me” days and I am about to start doing something I really don’t want to do. So as I am heading in to this I would like to request that, if you feel motivated to do so–don’t worry about it if you don’t–please tell me something I have actually done that you respect and/or love me for. None of this nebulous, “You’re great!” stuff. I know people mean well… but really it always feels so non committal as to mean nothing.
Thank you for listening. 🙂
They did it!
We still technically have one assignment left, but unless they simply *don’t do it* (which isn’t likely as everyone has worked their asses off) there will be 22 F’s for all of my classes. At the last grading period there were 48 F’s.
I can’t believe they did it. Ok, I want to cry. At least for once these days it is out of happiness. 🙂
(And of these 22 F’s, more than half of them are basically never here so of course they are failing. Two of them don’t have the credits to graduate anyway and they are leaving school in February when they turn 18 so they have been showing up just to avoid being fined. And a couple have severe learning disabilities and the fact that they have a high F is a big deal for their progress.)
Tales of the kidlets
My lovely little dyke in 7th period just gave me her cell phone number and asked for mine. I told her absolutely not.
It’s still funny.
fuck.fuck.fuck.
I woke up this morning to cramping and misery from that part of me which makes me a girl. I tried to get started on the day anyway. After making breakfast I hear Noah observe, “M and L are married?” At this point my day is complete. Before 9am my status as a fuck up is complete.
I am so sorry.
*snicker* Guess I’m not a prude…
One of my students brought his phone over and said, “I took a picture of something that reminded me of you.”
It was one of the little Mr. (whatever) guys grinning and it said, “I did the chess club!”
I almost died. He is now in trouble and I am horrified.
Kid found
Turns out the kid ditched class to hit the skate park early. They found him and brought him to the school and both mom and dad and I sat down and had a chat.
Dad has some serious issues. He is violent and angry and doesn’t like his son much and hates his ex wife. He went off on how he sees his son in the main character, which I find pretty unfair. Yes, the kid is not the happiest child ever–but I really don’t see him as an angry and awful person. We had a very interesting conversation in which I lied to his father a little. I told him that statistically the kids who write the stories and hand them in to class are not usually the ones to actually go do something horrible. I believe that to be true, but I haven’t done the research so it is a little fib.
I believe that kids should be allowed to write about whatever they feel moved to write about. I really do. My point of view, and what I told this family, is that it wasn’t cool for him to drop that story and then run away without talking to me about it. I explained that he should have at the very least warned me that I was likely to find it kind of upsetting because that way I won’t freak out when I see it. He said he hadn’t really thought of that because he knows that I am going to let him write what he wants to write. I also explained that this was the worst day possible to ditch and he laughed. I think he realized a little too late that he should have thought of that.
Looks like mom and dad are both very upset with each other and playing games with the kid. I think it sucks. I can understand why he has some anger issues and I’m not really holding that against him. I like the kid and I hope things end up ok.
He did write a kick ass, vivid story.