One of my babies passed a note under the door to a neighboring class yesterday with the word, “faggot” on it while I was absent. The teacher was very upset and the grapevine let me know this morning.

When this period started I was not my usual cheerful, enthusiastic self (despite my journal’s appearance I am normally incredibly upbeat at work). Instead I had everyone sit down and I told them that I had heard about the note and I am very upset. I said I was about to tell them more about me than I think they usually need to know, but in this case it seems very relevant.

I told them that I have dated girls very seriously. I told them that I have been active in gay rights movements since my early teenage years. I told them that many, if not most, of my friends are gay. I told them that their inadvertant behavior can be very hurtful and mean. I told them that I spend a lot of time bragging about my wonderful kids and telling lots of people how proud I am of them, and I am really hurt that I can’t do that right now.

I told them that basic human respect is something that everyone deserves. That picking on someone for their sexual orientation is just as horrible as picking on someone for their race, or religion, or gender. It’s just wrong no matter how you slice it.

I told them that I know they are teenagers and therefor very self-centered and that it is ok to be self-centered most of the time–it’s the age they are and that’s fine. But they need to start thinking past themselves and recognizing the far reaching effects their actions have. It’s also ok to make mistakes sometimes and say something rude or hurtful on accident–everyone does. What makes them the good and wonderful people that I am so proud of is the ability to recognize when you mess up and apologize for it and try not to do it again.

I also told them that the class next door where the note was sent is a freshman class. My kids are juniors and they are very much examples of behavior for the younger kids. I explained that if my juniors show intolerance as being acceptable that the younger kids will be just a little bit further towards being uncaring of the people around them.

The boy who wrote the note is visibly upset and writing an apology letter. He will be reading the apology letter to the class next door at the end of the period. He almost cried when he told me he was sorry for letting me down. He’s really not a bad kid and I assured him that I won’t like him any less for this and I won’t be mean. But I do need him to show that he understands what the grown up thing to do is. And he’s doing it, with a little encouragement of course… but lots of teenagers refuse. And the letter he is writing is very thoughtful and considerate and sweet. I’m proud of him.