Some days I get it into my head that I am not good enough. When I do this I latch onto something as an example to prove that I am not good enough. This time it’s related to sex. I’ve taken way too much pride over the years in the fact that I am generally considered to be very good at sex. I have gone out and deliberately learned how to be better.
But I’m not the best at everything. And sometimes knowing that hurts. Sometimes knowing that means that I hate the people who are better. Especially when they are people I know, people I am jealous of anyway.
I know I need to grow up, but this one sucks.
And in the process of being stupid and immature I hurt Noah. I wish I could be all that he deserves.
what did you do?
Long story. And if I wanted it on lj, it would *be* on lj.
Your not good at something ??
Much love.
It sucks to feel like that. Hope it passes soon and you realize that however great he may be, he needs to work to deserve you too.
I kind of think he has already done enough work. Have you met him? He’s amazing.
Once or twice. I happen to think you are both amazing.
How about a compromise? Let’s say I’ve done enough work for now, but I should keep up some level of it 😛
You know that I love you tremendously. I don’t always know what to say, but I *do* love you, even when I’m sucking at words.
I have my own issues in this area of my life. I’m not particularly interested in putting them on LJ either, but catch me sometime and we can chat. In fact, it’s been entirely too long since I’ve fed you tea and hummus. Assuming you’d like either, let’s make a date for meeting up after work some day.
I don’t have anything else useful to say here, because you know all of it. It just hurts right now, and that sucks.
I have these moments too.
I think we all do. I think those of us who have self-esteem issues have it worse.
I had more to say, but it’s totally gone. I’ll email you re: coming over for dinner and maybe a chat? I’ll bring knitting, we can talk or whatever.
There’s always someone better. That’s how we get teachers.
There’s always someone worse. That why he *have* teachers.
Eventually everyone falls into one or the other category. Nobody can be the best at everything.
I’m not sure if this helps, but if you keep telling it to yourself, it might.