Change {meme-ish}

tshuma posted this : Somewhat paraphrased – You’re given the chance to live your life over, with your current personality and mind. You can go back to any part of your life and start over.

To narrow down the reasons a bit and clarify: you have your current personality and knowledge of your current life history, but not the world’s. You can change events of your life by avoiding a car crash that crippled you, but you don’t know about assassinations or the events of September 11. You don’t know to invest in Microsquish stock at its IPO and you can’t test out of high school at the age of six. On the plus side, Star Wars in the theater will still be an awesome experience.

Given how I have been feeling lately, this is an interesting question. Given what I know now, I would have stayed with Aunt Vonnie and Uncle Bob starting from the first time I was sent to live with them when I was 6. I would have avoided my father like the plague. If I had stayed with Auntie then I couldn’t have been blamed for Tommy’s accident, though I bet it would have happened anyway. I wouldn’t have been seriously molested. I wouldn’t have been raped. I wouldn’t have the same severe abandonment issues from my mother pushing me around to dozens of different people. I wouldn’t have gone to 25 schools before graduating from high school.

There would have been other issues, and I know that–but I would have been better off. Staying with them would have changed almost everything that really hurt me. I would have found other things to get hurt by, but I have to wonder if they would have been as shattering. We lived up in the mountains in a sheltered place. It’s kind of weird wondering what I would be like if I had been sheltered from bad stuff. Would I be so strong? Would I be able to stand up against things that are wrong? I don’t know. I suspect so, but that’s a coulda shoulda woulda.

But it doesn’t matter what I would like to have changed. Cause this is where I am. And I have to figure out how to pick up the pieces. I’m glad I have Noah. He makes it a whole lot easier.

6 thoughts on “Change {meme-ish}

  1. i_am_dsh

    “Would I be so strong? Would I be able to stand up against things that are wrong? I don’t know. I suspect so, but that’s a coulda shoulda woulda.”

    I think you know strong people who didn’t experience what you did. Yes, you could be as strong from different experiences.

    Reply
    1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

      I don’t actually know anyone who takes stands against things the way/as much as I do. I don’t know a single other person who believes as strongly in defending those who need it.

      Reply
      1. angelbob

        Yeah, that. I think you’d have been strong regardless. It takes a lot of innate strength to face crushing problems early in life.

        But as strong? That’s a more interesting question.

        Reply
      2. angelbob

        Yeah, that. I think you’d have been strong regardless. It takes a lot of innate strength to face crushing problems early in life.

        But as strong? That’s a more interesting question.

        Reply
    2. Krissy Gibbs Post author

      I don’t actually know anyone who takes stands against things the way/as much as I do. I don’t know a single other person who believes as strongly in defending those who need it.

      Reply
  2. i_am_dsh

    “Would I be so strong? Would I be able to stand up against things that are wrong? I don’t know. I suspect so, but that’s a coulda shoulda woulda.”

    I think you know strong people who didn’t experience what you did. Yes, you could be as strong from different experiences.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.